The Boondock Saints (1999)

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Watching “The Boondock Saints” is something of an experience, and one that I’m actively working on forgetting as soon as humanly possible. Director Troy Duffy’s action trashapalooza is much too mind-numblingly moronic to be taken as an earnest effort for indie action cinema, and much too stern to be considered camp garbage. You can clearly sense director and writer Troy Duffy working actively to portray every single character in this film as something to be taken with a straight face and a shiver, but in the end none of it works out for the better.

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Step Up 3D (2010)

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In spite of the best efforts from the writers to give their most passionate story, one thing they do achieve is making the character of Moose something of a more dignified and empathic underdog hero. In a film series filled with pretty people, it’s refreshing to see the screenwriters working toward making Adam G Sevani something of an entertaining and complex individual. Here instead of making us laugh, he’s given much more dramatic material however cliche it may be. Continue reading

Hack/Slash: My First Maniac #3 of 4

Well up until the third issue, “My First Maniac” was a decent prequel to the Hack/Slash run on the Image tag. While I miss Vlad, and every other supporting character, I’ve been giving Cassie Hack and her first adventure in to the slasher realm a fair chance and this third issue really hasn’t been doing it for me. Mostly where the issue should be mostly about being a slasher throwback it instead takes itself very seriously and doesn’t seem to be having any fun with the concept at all.

I’m still not sure if this is the same Cassie Hack from Devil’s Due, and I’m still trying to figure out the elements of this villain. Not only are the supporting characters so utterly boring and tedious to endure, but Cassie is also having the life sucked out of her by these vapid characters all of whom lack any form of empathy.

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Tekken (2010)

tekken-2010Someone somewhere figured that we as movie lovers and action buffs needed or would have wanted a “Tekken” movie–even if no one asked for it. Because as we are all aware, the “Mortal Kombat,” “Double Dragon,” and “Street Fighter” movies were all so amazing and rich in bone crunching action and sharp cinematic prowess that we just had to have a fifth tier video game franchise with fairly forgettable characters lacking any iconic sensibilities be turned in to action heroes for a potential film franchise. And not surprisingly this isn’t making the rounds in theaters any time soon. Movie websites have reported on this film for a short time and since then the word’s been slim to none on its quality.

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Black Dynamite (2009)

2009_black_dynamite_poster_Pointless exposition, redundant dialogue, hammy acting, racial paranoia, cartoonish action scenes, continuity problems, absurd sub-plots that go absolutely nowhere, if you’ve ever seen blaxploitation films before, you’ll realize that Scott Sanders “Black Dynamite” is a pretty brilliant satire of the grindhouse sub-genre that managed to influence dozens of filmmakers and actors across the board. While the Wayans brothers paid tribute to the genre in “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka,” director Scott Sanders manages to rise above their level providing a both a spoof, satire, and loving tribute to the sub-genre that takes every single device from the sub-genre that we love and hate and throws it in to a story that’s about as ridiculous as most of the blaxploitation films from the seventies. As most comedy should be, Sanders and Jai White don’t play this spoof with a wacky atmosphere.

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Bikini Bloodbath Carwash (2008)

bikini_bloodbath_carwashMrs. Johnson: Nice erection, Todd.
Todd: Thanks. You too!

Sitting down to watch “Bikini Bloodbath Carwash” made me grin from ear to ear in only the first five minutes as it was clear the directing team of Jonathan Gorman and Thomas Edward Seymour knew what they were doing. There’s no backstory, no complexity, no undertones, it’s just all out ridiculous horror fun, and I loved it. I always say that I don’t mind stupidity as long as there’s some substance behind it, and the sequel to “Bikini Bloodbath” starts out on all the right notes. Two girls we’ve never met get up from bed, dance around in their underwear, one of whom takes a while to put on her top, they dance and jiggle, the directors put up the title in a very creative manner and we see “Written and Directed by Who the Fuck Cares.” I mean… that’s great. It just is. That’s stupid, but it’s stupid as a fox.

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Clash of the Titans (2010): Combo Pack Blu-Ray/DVD/Digital

It should have been a no-brainer. A Greek myth about a hero being called upon to battle the gods while also fighting with various creatures is a concept begging to be made in to an amazing movie. “Clash of the Titans” is the Harryhausen movie that fans continue to love but also secretly wanted to see remade… only for a curiosity. We wanted to know what it would look like, but we didn’t want it to happen. And then we were given the bright idea by Warner to not only remake the Harryhausen opus but turn it in to a franchise.

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