This is like the action masterpiece “The Rock”, except for the fact that “The Rock” was original, and this is just as awful as anything I’ve ever seen. After being busted in a car theft ring, two gangster friends Nick (rapper Ja Rule) and Sasha (Steven Seagal) are jailed in New Alcatraz prison where mercenaries break in and storm the prison to hold a prisoner ransom who knows the location of a secret stash of over two hundred million dollars in gold. Now they must team up with other prisoners and beat the mercenaries before they kill everyone. I got the sense this is supposed to be a futuristic film, but there’s never truly verification. The prison is re-opened due to overcrowding and it’s supposedly advanced but shockingly stone age. The prison is supposed to be state of the art and advanced but there’s a shockingly low head count when it comes to prisoners (I counted twenty-five).
Tag Archives: Action
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
In this remake — I mean “re-imagining” of the shocking cult horror classic directed by Tobe Hooper, in 1973 five teens on their way to a rock concert find themselves on a deserted road where they pick up a hitchhiker (Laura German) who seems to have been in a traumatic ordeal, when they attempt to comprehend her condition, she commits suicide. The teens attempt to seek help at a large house and wind up entering a horrifying nightmare none of them can escape. Though the film has its flaws it also has a lot of good stuff in it; the filmmakers attempt to stick this so close to the original that comedian John Larroquette who narrated the original, returns to narrate this one; it’s a great tribute. One of the biggest aspects of the original film was the shock of finding that Larroquette (who is a comedian and starred in “Night Court”) narrated such a horrifying film, and the filmmakers don’t skimp out on the fans.
Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams (2002)
After a raid by armed soldiers during a party with the world’s top agents and their kids, Juni Cortez (Daryl Sabara), the youngest of the Cortez spy family is accused of stealing the high powered super weapon The Transmooker Device. Now Carmen (Alexa Vega) and Juni Cortez must travel to the island of lost dreams and face off against monsters, soldiers, and rival agents Girti (Emily Osment) and Gary Giggles and find the real transmooker device before the evil Donnagon (Mike Judge) gets a hold of it and prove Juni’s innocence. But their parents and meddlesome grandparents are on the hunt for the kids before they’re killed. I tend to easily grow tired of family movies if they’re either too hokey or corny; most of the time, they’re both.
House of the Dead (2003)
After the (literally) seven minute long opening to “House of the dead”, I was almost sure this would suck as I instantly lost patience with this frenzied film; man, I should learn to listen to my instincts more. I sat in the theatres watching and squirming in my seat because I had to use the bathroom, and had pre-determined I would hold it until the movie ended (not wanting to miss out). After about ten minutes in, to the bathroom I went. What’s sad is that this is not only a bad movie, but a bad zombie movie with a lot of potential to it. With a plot off of “Zombie” and “Resident Evil”, the movie had a lot of chances to become innovative and creative yet Uwe Boll takes no chances and goes by the book.
Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (2002)
In this original animated adventure, we meet Spirit (Voice of Matt Damon), a noble and protective stallion that leads his group of horses along the mid-west. One night, curiosity takes over and he snoops around a confederate army camp. He gets too close for comfort and mistakenly gets caught by soldiers. Now Spirit will go on the journey of a lifetime, discovering the meaning of friendship, loyalty, courage and love. I was really hesitant to watch this movie, because animated movies in the theaters have been in a large slump, especially since watching “Lilo and Stitch” and “The Road to El Dorado”. But all my disillusionment was taken away when I laid my eyes on this. Boy, was I in for something spectacular.
The Powerpuff Girls Movie (2002)
Based on the hit animated action cartoon from The Cartoon Network in America, Professor Utonium is the focus of this feature as we delve into his life and learn how he created the disc-eyed crime-fighting tots Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup. Along with their origin finally being told, we also learn how they accepted their superpowers and learned how to use them for good. Alongside the Girls, an evil is looming in the darkness, an evil mastermind genius chimp named Mojo Jojo, who uses the girls’ naiveté for his evil master plan.
Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)
Michael J. Fox voices the character of Milo Thatch, an archaeologist who in his field is considered to be eccentric by his colleagues. Milo believes that the lost city of Atlantis is under water and he wants to retrieve the Shepard’s Journal, a book that proves to be a map to finding Atlantis. No one wants to provide the funding for his proposed expedition, until one night he’s taken to an eccentric old millionaire who wants to help him. He gives Milo the Shepard’s journal and tells him that his grandfather once wanted to explore Atlantis. So, Milo is then taken to a shipyard where he meets a team of explorers who are going along with him. All seems well, but after a while, Milo begins to suspect they have ulterior motives.