Arachnoquake (2012)

If you’re one who is thinking “Arachnoquake? That sounds stupid,” then congratulations on displaying wisdom well beyond your years. “Arachnoquake” is a movie that sounds good on page, but when you see it, there’s just so much to hate about it that you can’t even take it at face value as a movie intended on being so bad it’s good. The movie is painfully self-aware to the point where you almost expect a laugh track to follow the “gags” staged. Meanwhile the writer behind the film is well beyond in over his head providing a three pronged story that jumps from sub-plot to sub-plot without resolving either, all the while ripping off films like “Jeepers Creepers 2,” “Children of Men,” “Deep Blue Sea,” “The Mist,” and “Piranha.” There are so much plot elements staged that are never touched upon or resolved, you could list them all in a whole review.

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Yellow Submarine [Blu-ray] (1968)

“A Hard Day’s Night” is essentially the film debut of the Beatles and celebrates everything fun and creative about them. The film is meant to be an entertaining and care free romp through the lives of history’s most popular music group and the earthquake they caused when they stormed the music world. For fans of the Beatles who stuck it out with them through the period of re-invention and discovery of their musical and creative limits, “Yellow Submarine” is a film worth watching.

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Swelter (2012)

SwelterOne of the most interesting aspects of “Swelter” is that even though the film is basically animated and without dialogue, you can sense the character’s struggles and efforts to survive. There’s not a lot of extrapolation on why the world is suddenly a sweltering wasteland at record hot temperatures, but that doesn’t need a lot of focus. We meet a father and a son in the middle of a deserted tundra who seek the remains of a well where they’re able to sap water that’s fit for at least half a day.

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Superman vs. The Elite (2012)

I understand what “Superman vs. The Elite” is trying to say and what it’s attempting to convey. We’re in a world where the boy scout in tights in longer in vogue. Now we have a bunch of misanthropic homophobic thugs in colorful outfits who are calling themselves superheroes. And the public is eating that crap up with a spoon. I’m one of the few hold outs who actually love his superheroes like Superman and less like the cynical crapola Garth Ennis spews on to the page. Ooh, he said “faggot,” ooh his superheroes have sex with guys, ooh he’s mocking Batman, he’s so edgy and unique!

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Rocko's Modern Life: Season One (DVD)

Although I am a fan of “Spongebob Squarepants” it’s tough to watch “Rocko’s Modern Life” today without thinking that Nickelodeon might have lifted some of the formula from this classic 1993 series. Tom Kenny plays a well meaning dingo who approaches life with optimism and humilty, much like Spongebob.

He has a wacky and loyal pet, a goofy puffy best friend who is lacking in the sense department, and a foil with a perpetual scowl who often makes sure the main protagonist is miserable for no reason. The only exception is that “Rocko’s Modern Life” has better writing in its favor and a rather better following of cartoon lovers and nineties kids whom fondly remember soaking in this surreal but fun cartoon series about the misadventures of the lovable Rocko.

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Our Top Ten Disney Channel Original Movies Of All Time

DCOM

If you’re a child of the nineties, the odds are you had cable television. Before the Miley Cyrus’ and Raven Symone’s the Disney Channel made a habit of airing some of their own original movies that many kids grew up with. Some of them were clunky, some absolutely forgettable, and many of them are still remembered by nostalgia buffs to this day. Even before Disney figured out how to market their stars, Disney Channel original movies were filled with potential young movie stars who’d go on to make at least two or three movies of the same title like “Zenon” or “Cheetah Girls.”

The Disney Channel original movies gained their momentum in the early to mid nineties displaying some real family classics and as nostalgia goons we’re unabashedly listing our top ten Disney Channel movies of all time. What can we say? We have a soft spot for Disney.

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Star Wars – The Art of the Bad Deal — Serenity-Firefly Class of 03-K64

SW-SerenityOne of the interesting aspects of this Star Wars and Serenity one shot is that writer Zach Whedon takes the time out not only to tell interesting stories in a little under fifteen pages, but he draws parallels between the Firefly and Star Wars universe that’s tough to ignore. Deep down Han Solo and Malcolm Reynolds are cut from the same cloth. They’re both street smart pirates, they both love what they do, they both can handle themselves in combat, and they both have creaky old ships that they’d rather die in before giving up. In “The Art of the Bad Deal,” Han and Chewie land on a distant planet where they’re having trouble trading with a particular alien species.

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