Brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, I am here to preach the gospel, the gospel of “Firefly”, can I get an amen?! Like you I was once lost and now I was found by Joss Whedon’s amazing and brutally bastardized television series “Firefly” which was taken much too soon before its prime, can I get an amen?! Much like you, I was turned on to the “Firefly” series by word of mouth. A friend told a friend who told me, and I gazed upon the glory that is “Firefly” and I am now a brown coat, one of legions of fans, can I get an amen?! I then spread the word and made it my mission to do so! What, you dare doubt the power of “Firefly”?! Well, I cast you in to the damnation of “Harry Potter” fandom you heathen, and I tell you, that “Firefly” is the beginning, the middle, and the end of what a masterpiece is and should be! Can I get a fucking amen?!
Tag Archives: Adventure
D.E.B.S. (2004)
I wasn’t expecting a masterpiece with “DEBS”, and when I was done, I received just what I was expecting. I’ve seen material that have spoofed the spy genre with women from “Charlie’s Angels” and “She-Spies”, and “DEBS” doesn’t stand out among the others. In spite of its homosexual twist, it’s still the same old trash we’re exposed to that attempts to be clever and tongue-in-cheek, when really it’s basically just tired and yawn-inducing.
Are We There Yet? (2005)
Though, I can respect Mr. Cube for wanting to think outside the box, someone never told him that a disgruntled man around bratty kids is not. If Cube wanted to think outside the box, he should have thought in the lines of independent film, or documentary. But then, this is the man that starred in the “Friday” films, so it’s all relative. Cube who has his own production company has yet to turn out anything original and this is never really any different.
Son of the Mask (2005)
I kind of liked “The Mask”. I mean granted, it’s weak, but it’s fun, and for some odd reason we have the sequel and we’re forced to lay our eyes on: “Son of the Mask” based on the compiled works of Arthur Miller–just kidding. Yeah, you can pretty much guess where this lame-brained sequel is going, but I’ll spell it out for you because this plot is extremely esoteric. Yeah, I’m laughing too. Hey, I’m a big movie snob, and I admit it, but this goes beyond snobbery, this film (I use the term loosely) speaks to your common sense.
Ghosts of the Abyss (2003)
As if “Titanic” wasn’t worse enough, now we have to go back and re-visit it for what reason? Tell me, Mr. Cameron. He never explains to us why he’s documenting a voyage to the bottom of the sea to look at the Titanic yet again. My theory is that he’s still riding on the success from it so he milked this cow one last time, but what’s the point of this mission? Is someone going to study this and say “Yes, the titanic sure did sink after all, and even better People actually did die!” Well, thanks for reminding me, I wasn’t sure if the the titanic sinking was actually an event that happened in history or if it was fictional like the NASA launch.
Cold Mountain (2003)
“Cold Mountain” wants to be grand. Oh how Minghella wants it to be a grandiose civil war epic, this generation’s “Gone with the Wind”, but sadly, it will never reach those heights, and throughout the running time it never reached those heights because it is such a short-sighted piece of filmmaking, it could never reach the possible limits that Minghella wanted it to. After viewing this, it was plainly obvious this was so utterly manufactured for Oscar, it was nauseating. But “Cold Mountain” is not underwhelming because of that fact, it’s underwhelming simply because it’s so utterly short-sighted in its stories and characters.
Pooh's Heffalump Movie (2005)
I find it’s very hard to display any sense of malice or distaste for something like “Pooh’s Heffalump Movie” which is so harmless and adorable in its presentation with simple animation and such an uncomplicated story. It’s the closest thing to quality for me that Disney’s created in years. Disney’s creativity and imagination has all but diminished over the years, except for when it applied to “Winnie the Pooh” and its many spin-offs. Though Christopher Robin is all but MIA in this film (appearing in the credits briefly), “Pooh’s Heffalump Movie” is still a very entertaining and guilt-free story about friendship that often echoes “The Fox and the Hound” except less heartbreaking.