“Dinosaur Valley Girls” is a film I remember watching in the days of cable TV when it was a haven for bad films. Much of the nostalgia flashes back with what is a guilty pleasure that revolves around boobs and hammy acting. Tony Marco, an actor tired with the monotony of a mansion, fame, a gorgeous sex starved girlfriend, and a mistress, finds himself wanting more in life. Who could ask for anything more, eh? Well, for Tony, he desires much more, something more down-to-Earth, and natural—especially now that he’s haunted by dreams of a blonde cave woman.
Tag Archives: Comedy
Zapped Again! (1990)
The follow up to “Zapped!” obviously wants to be thought of as a legacy follow up to the original Scott Baio movie but has none of the budget to pull off the fantasy we saw in the original. There almost seems to be no budget for our main character Kevin to pull off the infamous mind tricks, so a lot of his powers involve moving things very slowly with his minds, and often making people slap themselves. Even in the climax where we know we’ll see a reproduction of the original film’s climax, people instead rip their own clothes off rather than have the clothes ripped off by the main character. Pretty much a sequel in name only, “Zapped Again!” stars Todd Eric Andrews as Kevin.
Top Five Favorite Moments in 1990’s “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”
In 1990, just two days after TMNT 1990 premiered in theaters, my dad took my brother and me to see it in theaters in Manhattan one afternoon. It was just the three of us in what felt like a humongous theater, draped in the dark as the Turtles my brother and I worshipped finally jumped on to the screen after saving April O’Neil from being killed by the Foot Clan.
While I don’t particularly love the current cinematic incarnations of the TMNT, I hope there are kids out there getting the same awe inducing experience with “TMNT: Out of the Shadows” as I did when I was seven. “TMNT ‘90” still holds up very well today, with some excellent action set pieces, great humor, and so many quotable moments. Here are only five of my favorite moments in a movie filled with some banner scenes.
Evil Bong High-5 (2016)
Do you see what happens when you let interns make a movie with petty cash on the weekends? You come up with “Evil Bong High-5.” It’s a stoner movie that’s so bad even stoners will eventually shut it off because it’s destroying their high. At only seventy minutes long, this is a movie that literally stops dead in its tracks in order to advertise the company’s brand of painfully unfunny ethnic stereotype dolls. One of the many sequels apparently breaking even enough for another installment, Eebee the Evil Bong is back and she’s just as mean as ever. Now that she’s trapped a small group of people in The Bong World, alongside the Gingerdead Man, they have to figure out a way home.
Cutting Class (1989)
Director Rospo Pallenberg’s “Cutting Class” is a slasher film I’ve grown to enjoy over the years, and maybe that’s because there’s rarely a slasher that doesn’t win my heart. I first caught it during a late night screening on cable, and since then it’s grown on me immensely. It’s a late eighties last gasp at the slasher sub-genre that relies on the comedic styling of Martin Mull who attempts to survive an arrow attack in a conspicuously detached sub-plot from the central premise of a slasher stalking a high school.
The Funhouse Massacre (2015)
Haunted attractions are big business in the US around Halloween time, each one trying to outdo the other. In the countryside, a new one called “Land of Illusion” decides to use local killers and their stories to up their scare factor. Little do they know, the six maniacs escaped the asylum housing them and find their way to the fun house and bloody, bloody mayhem ensues.
Dirty Grandpa (2016)
I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during the pitch meeting with DeNiro for “Dirty Grandpa”: “And so Efron comes to pick you up, and you’re lying there on your recliner masturbating in the nude to interracial porn! He screams in horror while you’re ejaculating, but you’re so cool about it, that you barely acknowledge the awkwardness. The kids will love it!” I appreciate that Robert DeNiro seems to be actively working against being typecast as some wise old grandpa or magical elderly sage.