Tag Archives: Comedy

Alien 51 (2004)

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alien-51-vhs-front2[In reference to our main character Cleo]
Randy: Does she seem a little off to you?
Officer: She’s hot, Randy. She can be as off as she wants.

It’s a pretty safe bet that “Alien 51” is quite possibly one of the worst science fiction monster movies I’ve ever seen. I challenge you to find something else so creatively impotent, so utterly derivative, and so nonsensical as the movie I spent ninety minutes drudging and fast-forwarding through. Nothing in this film makes the slightest lick of sense, and it’s clear that either the script was horribly done, or the directors lost so much money, they literally spent the second half simply winging it, coming up with a remaining plot that is so stupid. You know a movie is desperate when it’s biggest star is Heidi Fleiss, you know a movie is desperate when it boasts “Starring Heidi Fleiss”, and you know a movie is desperate when its big attempted draw-in was a has been model who appears as a mustache twirling villainess.

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Wolves of Wall Street (2002)

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wowwPotential filmmakers of America, or any country, listen up: If you’re going to make a vampire movie, show vampires, if you’re going to make a slasher movie, show some murders, and if you’re going to make a werewolf movie, show some actual fucking werewolves! I don’t care how you show them, just show them! Claymation, animated, bad CGI, anything, but if you’re going to promise us werewolves, give us werewolves! I can put up with bad acting, irritating characters, horrible direction, and a sloppy narrative, but when you have a rushed storyline that leads up to nothing, you best be prepared for a paddlin’. And lookin’ at my paddle? Oh, you best believe that’s a paddlin’.

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Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave (2005)

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2478rotld5I don’t want to live in the world presented on “Return of the Living Dead”. Not because of the zombies. Because zombies, man… they scare me. But because people are stupid in the world of ROTLD. Really stupid. There’s a big rave and no one can notice people being attacked, or getting their scalps torn from the roots while undead people feast on the gooey insides because–hey, it’s a party, anything can happen. Let me tell you, I can notice when someone has burnt themselves with a cigarette (which is usually funny within itself) in a crowded street, so I think I’d notice someone having their head torn open by someone’s teeth, even in a crowded room with blaring music on a constant loop, but then again this is an extremely low-budget set of sequels to a classic zombie series. Sheesh, Ellory Elkayem, you were so good at comedy in “Eight Legged Freaks”–what happened?!

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Zombies in my Neighborhood (2005)

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0j09jlI’m not that bright sometimes, I admit it. I know what you’re saying “Felix, it can’t be true”, but I’m being honest, I’m not as utterly intelligent and charming as I look to you. Sometimes a joke is so subtle, I don’t get it. Again you’re gasping and thinking “My god, he’s mad he IS charming and intelligent”, but it’s true, my friends. Either way “Zombies in my Neighborhood” is basically proof to my sad admittance. “Zombies in my Neighborhood” is the making of a film that–will never happen. Thus is the joke. Which I didn’t catch on to.

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Layer Cake (2004)

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layercakepubeFilms like this make me happy I can afford to pay for them because “Layer Cake” is worth the money in the end. Taking off with a very Guy Ritchie sensibility, director Matthew Vaughn who has had involvement with one of my favorite films of the past years “Snatch” creates his own stylish monster of a mob movie with “Layer Cake”. What does the title refer to? Well, that’s basically something left for the climax, but this rampage of sex, booze, drugs, and violence make this one of the best mob movies I’ve seen since “Snatch”. Mr. X is a drug dealer/drug maker who wants to grab life by the balls.

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Artie Saves the Hood (2004)

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Don’t you hate it when you and your two slacker friends are trying to set up a backyard wrestling court in your backyard, and aliens from another dimension come in to your neighborhood to take it over? It happens more times than you think, and apparently, it’s happening to Artie’s hood. This pretty funny science fiction comedy asks the audience that very questions while giving us a concept that’s like “Shaun of the Dead” mixed with a bit of the Askew Universe. What if the fate of the world depended on a slacker?

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Around the Bend (2004)

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For all it is in the end, “Around the Bend” sure is trite, cheesy, and cliché, but it’s also entertaining and most of the time it’s hard to beat the combined talents of people like Michael Caine, Josh Lucas, and the ubiquitous Christopher Walken, respectively. In the spirit of films like “Five Easy Pieces” and “Diamonds”, we’re given the usual trifecta generational clashing between father, son, and grandson as they venture out on the open road to fulfill a request courtesy of their great grandfather (cue Caine). So we have this sometimes beautiful road flick involving these actors as they discover each other while being forced to stop at every KFC’s that is drawn out for them on the map left behind by Henry after his death. Though the whole road trip concept is tired, what the plot does with it is a rather original twist by having these three generations of men bond while at a fast food restaurant and occasionally coming across an oddball here or there.

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