Driller: A Sexual Thriller (1984)

Oh boy I knew I was in for something special when I received “Driller” in the mail with the address barely completed and the return address basically missing. The very fact X Rated Alley received this beauty of a horror porno called Driller is one thing, but to deliver it in mysterious packaging is the icing on the cake. I had an idea of what I getting in to upon looking at the deluxe packaging for Mr. Creepo’s “Driller” from 1984, a veritable porno spoof (and carefully constructed one at that so as to prevent legal issues) of Michael Jackson’s iconic Thriller. For those unaware (and how could you not be?), Thriller was a cultural sensation of the eighties and continues to be the go to for the template for epic music videos to this day. The plot basically boils down to a thirty minute movie that doubles as an amazing music video with a catchy song. A young couple in a movie theater walk home one night and find themselves in the middle of a zombie apocalypse and must fight their way out. Cue one of the most amazing musical numbers of all time, a shockingly incredible dance number involving drooling groaning zombies, and compelling narration from Vincent Price.

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Drive Angry (2011)

drive-angry-3d1Who knows why a movie about the lone ranger from hell flopped in 2011? No one will ever know. I attribute it to the lack of big name draw and exhaustion with Nic Cage from general movie audiences, but nevertheless, “Drive Angry” is an ambitious and admirably raucous grindhouse throwback that takes the battle of heaven and hell and brings it to planet Earth where a dad comes back from hell to keep his daughter from going to the stomping grounds of Satan. “Drive Angry” is a movie that… well, it’s a movie. It’s a movie that is there and it has no idea who the hell it’s supposed to be marketed to.

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The Sinister Eyes Of Dr. Orloff (Los ojos siniestros del doctor Orloff) (1973)

drorloffNormally I’m a big fan of Jesus Franco’s work as they often border on the delightfully sadoerotic where reality and fantasy are often blurred and dissolve in to bouts of acid like dreams and flashbacks. “The Sinister Eyes of Dr. Orloff” is sadly one of the bigger bores from the Franco library and one that feels like a thirty minute premise stretched in to almost ninety minutes. Factor that in with a goofy villain relaying a hopelessly convoluted devious plot, and you have what is essentially just a glorified Spanish novella that is a take on Svengali.

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Devil (2010)

The devil is fiction’s greatest anti-heroes. A being of pure brute calculated force, the devil has many names, and many appearances and is without a doubt the most interesting figure in all of history, an individual whose sole purpose is personal gain and pure unbridled joy in making humanity suffer. But in all of its incarnations, the devil is also someone who has something of a moral code, and a guideline, and always has something to say about the disgusting bile of the human sole. The devil is the very reflection of ourselves, and the character always has something to teach us. Even before destroying us from the inside out barely flinching at our cries for help and mercy.

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Dolla Morte (2006)

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I’m sure at some point either “director” Bill Zebub or one of his friends were sitting down to watch “Robot Chicken” or “Team America: World Police” for the fiftieth time in a month quoting “Matt Damon!” over and over, and someone suggested “director” Bill Zebub create his own doll movie! Yay! After the rancid putrid junk that was “Breaking her Will” and the rancider putrid junk that was “Dirt Bags” I really was not expecting much from “director” Bill Zebub. “Dolla Morte” really wouldn’t be such a bad film if Bill Zebub had any idea was pacing is. There are overlong scenes of dolls engaging in dialogue, and rape scenes, and there’s even a five minute warning to the audience about Zebub’s intention toward the film. Why are they so determined to let us know his intentions for this piece of garbage? What does it matter? Shouldn’t he let the trash speak for itself?

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Dym (2007)

smoke_mainAt the request of director Grzegorz Cisiecki, I cautiously entered in to his 2007 short film entitled “Dym,” and hoped to see what would be the seeds of a great director in the making. While in the end “Dym” leans toward being a demo reel for work in the states, “Dym” is also a striking short film delving in to the psychosexual madness our main character endures when experiencing a turbulent romance with his girlfriend.

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Diary of a Wimpy Kid (2010)

wimpykid-posterWhen all is said and done, you really won’t miss much with “Diary of the Wimpy Kid.” It’s all a fairly forgettable and polarizing comedy that’s strictly targeted to the preteen boys of the audience, all of whom are convinced this is how middle school is and will be like. Unless you’re an absolutely die hard fan of Chloe Moretz or Steve Zahn, you really should not rush to see “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” in spite of the fact that it’s not at all the excruciating experience the trailers would have you believe. There is really some interesting bits and storytelling to be had here with some honest explorations in to these young characters.

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