It seems Charles Band is in no short supply of excuses to bring small animals and monsters on the screen and “Mystery Monsters” is proof of it. At only fifty two minutes in length, Band’s 1997 (I miss the nineties) family film is much too rushed to even be considered worthy entertainment. Worse yet the film revolves around three magical monsters who seemingly do nothing and serve no purpose. We’re told they have to be minions of evil, but they’re moved around so awkwardly and lazily by the puppeteers it’s tough to imagine they can do much of anything worthwhile.
Tag Archives: G
Green Lantern: Emerald Knights (2011)
One thing DC is really good at is providing us with animated movies that act as prologues and or inbetweenquels for their big budget movies and for the Green Lantern they’ve pulled out all the stops with a film that is something of a prologue. It’s not so much a prologue as it is a look at another day at the GL Corps, and “Emerald Knights” is an anthology of tales from the corps that isn’t just meant to give viewers a refresher course on the characters, but to give them an idea of what we’re looking at should “Green Lantern” potentially reach franchise status.
Gnomeo and Juliet (2011)
You’ve heard this story a thousand times but we’re telling it to you again, whether you like it or not. Yes, that’s usually the sign we’re about to stumble on to one of the animated greats of the millennium when even jokingly we’re told that this story has been retreaded a thousand times. But we’re going to hear it anyway. “Gnomeo & Juliet” is a film that is marketed to someone but I’m not sure whom exactly. It’s too obscure for kids to understand, and too sugary sweet for the adult sector to enjoy.
The Green Hornet (2011)
Yes, I’m sure when Bruce Lee came to America, he dreamed of having the American remake machine take what was once a dignified television property that made his career and turn it in to a bonafide vanity project for someone like Seth Rogen. I’m sure he’d love the fact that rather than take his entire project seriously and transform the Green Hornet in to a truly adult and complex superhero epic like “The Dark Knight,” it would instead become another version of “Rush Hour.”
Going the Distance (2010) [DVD/Blu-Ray Combo]
Much like Drew Barrymore, “Going the Distance” is so intent on being cutesy and bubbly that it’s nauseating, and what contributes to Nanette Burstein’s romance comedy being utterly insufferable is its insistence on being two types of movies. It wants so hard to be thought of as a sleazy comedy with incessant and tedious improvisations from every single actor who gets more than a minute on-screen. It also wants to be a cutesy chick flick about a lovely geeky guy and an ambitious young girl who try to keep their romance sweltering over a long distance. And none of it works. Were it not for writer Geoff LaTulippe’s insistence on attempting to please both audiences and entertaining neither.
Galaxy Quest (1999)
In the late nineties, Tim Allen was pretty much at the top of his comedy game. The man was ending a long run on one of the most beloved family sitcoms of the nineties, he was known as the iconic Buzz Lightyear thanks to starring in one of the most revolutionary Disney films of all time, and he was appearing in anything he could get his hands on. One of the more adult related titles he starred in managed to be one of his highest grossing yet low key film to date that signaled an inevitable slump in his film career. But in spite of that descent in to becoming a third rate comedy star bouncing crotch shots off of a bloated brother of a comedy legend, “Galaxy Quest” is one of Allen’s most entertaining films, and continues to be a favorite of mine years subsequent its release in theaters. “Galaxy Quest” is a fantastic science fiction comedy, sure, but many years since its release, it’s managed to be a rotating title on my short list of absolute favorite films.
Grease (1978)
Frankly I’m very annoyed at the latest promotions to push “Grease” as the original “High School Musical.” While it is true in a sense that this was a hit movie musical about high school students, “Grease” is a wonderful musical masterpiece with amazing dance and singing numbers, catchy tunes, and a story that’s pretty trite but otherwise simple enough to sit and enjoy for its lightweight emotional fodder while Disney’s high profile movie was just a fad for tweens between naps at grade school. “Grease” is one of the last of its kind, a musical that continues to be relevant and masterfully splices in its numbers in to its narrative with smooth precision to where it flows naturally within the scope of the characters and conveys their sadness and joy.