Jurassic Park III (2001)

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The third film in the “Jurassic Park” series before the development purgatory and inevitable reboot is quite the different animal. Steven Spielberg is no longer behind the camera, only one of the original cast members returns for a fan service supporting performance, new flashier dinosaurs are added to attract gimmicky crowds, and the film is noticeably shorter than its former siblings. Dr. Alan Grant sticks to the Spielbergian archetypes. He’s still Indiana Jones sans the sour disposition, and he’s divorced from his wife Ellie.

Obviously, this is due to contractual obligations, but it adds an obvious turn in the usual Spielberg films where most at war couples never quite make it, no matter how successful they are in their journeys. Joe Johnston directs what is easily the worst leg in the series, a movie so lagging and lethargic it’s almost impossible to fully soak in the conundrum these characters face.

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The Lost World: Jurassic Park

the_lost_world“The Lost World” is one of the very few movies I’ve seen more than once in theaters, and gladly it was a rich experience every time. “The Lost World” doesn’t hold up as well as the original film since the 1993 film ventured in to the realms of gene splicing, DNA research, and the philosophy of man vs. nature, and natural selection. When natural selection chooses to snuff out the most primal animals of nature, we stand no chance when they’ve been revived and refined with modern predators. “The Lost World” however is a much less sophisticated and much more raucous sequel.

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Joan Rivers: A Piece Of Work (2010)

jrFor the past twenty years Joan Rivers, once a notable female comedian, went from telling jokes to becoming a walking joke. And though she has always been convinced the audience was laughing with her, she’s been wholly unaware that the public is actually laughing at her. In spite of the obvious fact that Rivers long lost her comedic power after her stint on the Tonight Show, she’s gone from a legend to an absolute shell of a woman whose entire career has relied on gaining work more than garnering work of respectability. Whether it’s judging celebrities’ fashion and weight on a premium cable channel, appearing on reality shows for no apparent reason, or continuing her saggy dated comedy routine, River is indeed what the film proclaims her. She’s a real piece of work. And not one who is bound to become a female role model any time soon.

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Jonah Hex (2010) (DVD)

jonah_hex_2010_movie-wideI love Westerns. I love great revenge films. I love good comic book adaptations. “Jonah Hex” is neither. In fact it almost aspires to not be a good movie at every single turn that seems almost calculated meticulously to suck the life out of its audience as much as humanly possible. From the casting of Megan Fox as a heroine, Will Arnett as a villain, and the conscious avoidance of the source material’s gritty and bleak Western tone, “Jonah Hex” is an abomination, a sheer testament to the waste of time, money, and resources comic book adaptations can be.

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John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982)

thingJohn Carpenter is a son of a bitch. Why? Well, in this climate of modern movie making, remakes are all the rage. It’s the go to source for marketing on a well known product to ensure a quick profit at the box office for general audiences who just want to go to the movies to see a well known story. And when people try to argue against this craze, those who are in favor of remakes always win the argument by muttering four words: John Carpenter’s The Thing. The declaration of these four words automatically shuts everyone up and renders any debate against remakes completely void and irrelevant. What makes this movie so unique that it defeats any arguments against remakes?

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Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths (2010)

Comic book geeks like yours truly are at a definite cross roads. Marvel continues to churn out animated series and live action movies like it’s going out of style yet their animated movie gallery has been severely hit or miss, while DC has only released big films from Batman and Superman and yet their animated movie gallery has promised quality almost all the time. I’m just curious when we can get a movie from them that’s longer than eighties minutes. That aside “Crisis on Two Earths” is another graphic novel that I haven’t read and thankfully I went in blind. I consider that an advantage because in the end it allows me to judge the material more objectively.

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Julie & Julia (2009)

julie-julia-posterBased on true stories, Nora Ephron’s dramedy is actually based on two novels. This allows Ephron and co. to take parallel storylines and turn “Julie and Julia” in to a bonding ground for a lost woman and a budding chef, both of whom are starting their lives out in new places when we first meet them, and are about to embark on a rather interesting adventure involving food, changing the way they and others think, and fulfilling ambitions regardless of how grand or minute it may seem. Julie is a woman just starting out in her new job as a woman who takes complaints involving 9/11 in Queens. After days of listening to people’s problems, she decides to emulate her hero Julia Child pursuing a different kind of natural high after realizing her life hasn’t been taken advantage of after a meeting with her high powered best friends. Back in the forties we meet a young Julia Child who is just beginning to follow her dreams as a professional chef in Le Cordon Bleu.

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