Big Driver (2014)

bigdriverI’m personally a fan of revenge thrillers, and am quite surprised to see Stephen King of all people concoct a rape revenge thriller. Out of the sub-genre, they’re the most notorious of the sub-sub-genres. “Big Driver” is an often toothless and ridiculous rape revenge thriller about a writer who may possibly be going mad after being viciously and repeatedly raped in a road side gas station by a hulking driver. He’s known as “Big Driver,” and is a very menacing and horrific villain. That is until the narrative unfolds and then he becomes a cartoon. It’s not enough that he may possibly be a trucker that had an impulse to rape and victimize a gorgeous woman on an abandoned road.

And it’s not enough that perhaps he has snared his share of victims in the past. No, King has to keep piling on absurd twists and turns with our villain Big Driver, while pretending to say something about writers. Truly, the writers’ psyche can be a maddening and unusual place, but for Tess Thorne, she’s a woman who’s been victimized one too many times and has an odd selection of friends. She has her characters from her book series about knitting elderly women solving crimes, her GPS named Tom (the only trustworthy man in her life), a cat named Fritz, and a neighbor who may or may not be romantically involved with Thorne.

Nothing is ever really confirmed for the audience, as every element of the plot is thrown up in to the air and never really resolved. At one point it’s suggested the stylish revenge plot is all in Tess’s mind but it’s never confirmed. Then we’re told that her confrontation with Big Driver was planned. “That’s a little far fetched,” Tess thinks aloud. But lo and behold, it’s not too far fetched the primary narrative itself. And by god King goes all the way, with a dramatic confrontation, and an abrupt final scene that may or may not be one big imaginary sequence in Tess’ slowly unraveling mind. What is the horrendous life Tess had? Why does Tess come across another victimized woman? What insight does this moment lend her exactly?

Is Tom the imagining of an ex-boyfriend or just a creation of Tess’s to compensate for her lack of romance? If Tess really is so closed off to everyone, why does she live in such an open suburban neighborhood? And what of the loose ends like Tess taking a limo home after being raped? No one really reported her injuries? I’m not sure if “Big Driver” is supposed to be a meta-thriller about a writer who enacts revenge through means that seem almost too good to be realistic, and the almost ridiculous sequence of events are intentionally silly, but “Big Driver” is too haphazardly written and sloppily directed to really answer that for the audience. In the end, it’s a terrible thriller with more head scratching questions than answers.

The Mummy Returns (2001)

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Man, Evie and Rick O’Connell have to be two of the most incompetent movie heroes ever conceived. Not only do they bring the mummy to life in the first movie, but in the opening of the second film, they desecrate a tomb, and steal a sacred bracelet that their snot nosed son slips on. Even worse, their son is kidnapped, and said bracelet is going to kill him in a week if he doesn’t find a mythical oasis. There’s a big difference between being an average Joe adventurer like Indiana Jones, and a bungling nincompoop like the O’Connell’s. Seriously, is it so hard to watch one child? And if you’re handling priceless artifacts that are absolutely irreplaceable, why entrust it to an eight year old kid?

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The Mummy (1999)

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Stephen Sommers’ ridiculously successful reboot of “The Mummy” is a film that almost gets the formula correct. It’s like a cocktail of action, comedy, romance, horror, and adventure that almost becomes the perfect marriage of sub-genres, but never quite hits the mark; even when it’s at its best. “The Mummy” is incredibly uneven and tough to really respond to, because Sommers seems to want to opt for action, while Universal seems anxious to embrace the horror. Thus it’s all so unbalanced and drags down an action horror comedy hybrid with potential to be a classic.

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Mothman (2010)

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With a B movie like “Mothman,” you can only laugh it off. What keeps the film from really taking off as an effective horror entry is that it’s so painfully derivative of “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” Jewel Staite stars as Katharine, a young girl a part of a small group that goes camping. One night during a swim with her friends, they decide to pull a prank on the youngest in the group resulting in an accidental drowning. So frightened are they by this that they decide to cover it up, and pretend it was one big accident. Why?

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Our Top Ten “Tales from the Crypt” Episodes of All Time

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My love and appreciation for “Tales from the Crypt” didn’t happen immediately. I missed the entire run of the series when it was on HBO, because at the time my family didn’t have cable. However, later when the series ran every Saturday at midnight on network television, my family and I would watch every weekend and enjoy the horrific delights that the cryptkeeper would serve up.

The series remained a favorite of mine for many years, and still manages to pack a punch as a successor to “Creepshow” as an anthology series with twists, turns, and a brutally dark sense of humor. It was a tough task, but we picked out our top ten episodes of the entire series run. What are some of your favorites from the classic horror series?

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Darkman II: The Return of Durant (1995)

I was worried that Steven McKay’s follow up to Sam Raimi’s original pulp tribute would stink, but thankfully it’s a very good sequel. It not only keeps to much of the formula from the first film, but increases the pulp aspects of the story. There’s the return of an old villain, a mad scientist, a super secret weapon, underground lairs, intrepid reporters, and our dark anti-hero who mainly keeps to himself. Arnold Vosloo takes over for Liam Neeson as the character of Peyton Westlake, who is now living in a large underground subway.

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Darkman III: Die Darkman Die (1996)

It’s interesting how solid the “Darkman” series ended up being. While “Darkman III” is by no means on par with Raimi’s original, it’s still a very entertaining exit for such a unique superhero. Director Bradford McKay pushes Darkman toward the Phantom of the Opera style super heroics rather than the grisly monster in the shadows this time around, and Arnold Vosloo returns to really provide a passionate turn as Peyton Westlake, once more. While Liam Neeson gets credit for the role, Vosloo really is a great successor in his own right.

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