I have a thing for Misty Mundae. She has a cute perky little body and a ghetto booty you can just sleep in for days. She has a gorgeous face that doesn’t require too much make-up and she can pull off ridiculous comedy. And if you saw her in “Masters of Horror,” she’s not a bad actress. But most of her career has been spent making some of the worst movies of all time, the lowest common denominator entertainment titles involving zombies, and monsters, all of which are so bottom of the barrel, they’re practically non-existent. “Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet” is one of those awful movies. Clocking in at barely an hour, this horrible softcore porn is basically an excuse to show display mild girl on girl.
Tag Archives: Science Fiction
The Taint (2010)
After reading the press materials for Dan Nelson and Drew Bolduc’s “The Taint,” I expected almost anything to happen while watching it. And that’s pretty much what I was given when watching “The Taint.” Just about anything and everything that you can imagine happened. And some things you were too afraid to imagine happened. It’s almost impossible to describe the film that was made by directors Dan Nelson and Drew Bolduc, but it’s an experience that no one will forget after watching it. And surely enough it has Troma written all over it. It’s compelling while also entertaining. It’s trashy but it’s clever. And it’s completely abundantly moronic, but also has a wit to it that makes it entertaining.
There's Nothing Out There (Two-Disc 20th Anniversary Edition) (1990) (DVD)
From Troma comes the twentieth anniversary release of “There’s Nothing Out There!” a film I’d admittedly never heard of and was most surprised to see that not only was “There’s Nothing Out there!” something of a fun early nineties horror comedy, but one that was a self-aware jab at the genre long before “Scream” ever convinced audiences it did it first. “There’s Nothing Out There!” is about a bunch of high schoolers who out in to the woods for Spring break to party, drink, and bone each other senselessly. Around the same time as their arrival, an alien being has just crash landed in to Earth, and is now lurking in the woods. Is it out there? Where is it if it is out there? Why is it not in there with them?
Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus (2010) (DVD)
Before you write this off, I have two words for you: Jaleel White. Now calm down, before you start jumping up and down screaming in excitement, he’s about the only draw here. If you were around in the nineties. And liked “Family Matters.” And remember who Jaleel White is. No he didn’t play Carlton in “Fresh Prince.” In either case, The Asylum is not intent on implementing brevity for the sake of catching on with their fan base. To prove how unnecessarily lengthy the title is I can still fondly remember showing my dad the DVD and him smiling at the premise of the movie. Twenty minutes later, this man who is known for having a mind like a steel trap and over the course of an hour continued mixing up the title.
Cinema Crazed's Worst 10 of 2010…
With Cinema Crazed gaining more and more access in to the newest films every year, we were able to catch so many movies for 2010 and even with our incessant scramble to watch every possible title out there, we still didn’t have enough time to see it all. With our commitment to reviewing indies and cult cinema first and foremost, we don’t really have the material for these lists until November or December, and then it becomes a mad panic to watch as much as possible to compile this annual list.
Nevertheless, we saw more films in 2010 than in previous years, and many movies earned our spots. Others just didn’t. Many other titles just escaped our memory. So yes, these are lists of the best and worst movies that we’ve seen. Odds are there will be a movie from 2010 in mid-2011 we think should have been apart of the list, regretfully. As with every year we have some new categories, and we hope we inspire such rage in you that you’re able to find it in your heart to leave a vicious anonymous passive aggressive comment on Rotten Tomatoes for one of our reviews. That’s all we ask. Or be ballsy and email us. Come on, we dare you. Or if you’re feeling conversational, send us your own Top 10 and Worst 10 of 2010! We can likely begin a conversation that’s human and polite.
Pardon me while I have a strange interlude: “The King’s Speech” isn’t on any of these lists. The studio didn’t send screeners, it’s only playing in two theaters in New York, and we don’t have the time or effort to seek it out and risk being bored senseless. So forgive us for that. We’re sure it’s a fine movie about a stuttering king, honest. But… we didn’t have the time to find out.
On to the show!
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
“That’s what you’re all becoming… Martianmallows.”
So the Martians of this piece have no idea what television is, despite watching it often. They have no idea what dolls are. They have no comprehension of the idea of tender loving care, but they’re fans of hamburgers and chocolate cake in pill form? How does that work? I have a feeling even with the notorious “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” being touted to children in its original release, the kids in the audience sat through about twenty minutes, and thought this experience would be much better with some acid at hand. It’s not so much that “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” is a bad movie, it’s that it’s so terribly put together and written that it ends up watching as a slow and painful death that you can’t help to look at with sheer disbelief.
Family Guy Presents: It's a Trap! (2010)
Fifty five seconds in, I’m not kidding, fifty five seconds in, “Family Guy” manages to meet my expectations in the sense of laziness concerning the writers. Does this show still have writers? Are they just floating around in big pools compiling scripts on cocktail napkins now? Do they even care anymore? Within the first minute, “It’s A Trap!” squeezes in a joke about the nineties, before the Griffins experience another blackout. Just like “Blue Harvest.” Except with the aforementioned special, there was some set-up. Here the family groans at the black out and Stewie asks “We’re doing Jedi now, aren’t we?” to which Peter groans and declares “Let’s just get through this.” So… what’s the joke here? Were the writers obligated to finish off the trilogy? Are they making it heard to their fan base that they don’t even want to do this final installment? Are they echoing our thoughts on yet another “Star Wars” satire? Does the fan base even care that the writers aren’t even trying anymore?