At the start of “A Sound of Thunder,” One was that the quality was on par to an average stinker on the Sci Fi Channel, and the other was that there couldn’t possibly be that much truth to the suckiness of said film. At the start, our heroes are on prehistoric terrain and in enters a dinosaur; a dinosaur that is really intent on eating them. The whole time I watch this, I’m thinking to myself “This couldn’t be the special effects, they must be in a simulator” which is usually the case in films in which we think one scenario is actual distress, and it ends up being a complete red herring.
Tag Archives: Science Fiction
Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep (2006)
It’s almost like watching teenagers act out “The Deep” on a student theater stage somewhere, because in the end, “Kraken” is basically just that. It’s a very low rent and C grade variation of “The Deep,” minus the compelling story, and wonderful characterization. And oh yes, there’s the small case of the acting and lack thereof. This low rent thief stars two people whom will garner two reactions from you. One will be “Who?” while the other will be “O-h-h-h-h-h… who?” Victoria Pratt, or as I call her “The hot chick from the crappy X-men show,” stars in “Kraken” as a marine biologist looking for an underwater treasure. Stop me, if you’ve heard this one.
Sky High (2005)
I’m a sucker for a good tale about superheroes and the learning of their abilities and so on. I admit that. I love a good superhero tale, and that’s why I didn’t completely dislike “Sky High,” because beneath its Disney muck, it’s actually a pretty fun tale about living up to your parents and the pressures of it. Michael Angarano is Will, the only son of a suburban couple who happen to be the world’s strongest superheroes. Ahem—they met during a battle and fell in love, and now are a team. “The Incredibles,” you say? Well, yes, but I just plain enjoyed Kurt Russell as a somewhat demented working class father who encourages his son to take up the family business. “Sky High” is busy, it’s colorful, and it will keep its target audience watching with a smile.
Heroes
We all know what happens to episodic high concept television shows. Right “Threshold,” “Invasion,” “Jack & Bobby,” “Surface,” and “Push, Nevada”? And audiences aren’t essentially welcoming to shows with interesting concepts, and storylines, and brains. “Heroes” is one of those shows. It’s episodic, it’s high concept, potentially one-note, and hopefully will be greeted with high ratings. But the previous effort from NBC with a show featuring disconnected characters experiencing an occurrence, tanked, and “Heroes” can suffer the very same fate.
Tomb Hackers (2003)
Director Anthony Thurman’s film “Tomb Hackers” is a fun short animated film about the misadventures of two explorers who find themselves getting deeper and deeper in trouble as they venture in search of a fortune. The gags in Thurman’s film are mostly hit and miss with some gags that don’t really hit the mark, but when the gags hit they’re very funny.
I Sold My Soul for an I-Pod!
The movies on the Sci Fi Channel suck hard; everyone knows that.
From sea to shining sea, it’s become common knowledge these days that about eighty percent of what’s shown on the Sci Fi Channel is likely to be utterly unwatchable, while the rest of it is just mediocre nonsense that not even the geekiest fan boys bother with. And I refer to the early films only.
Their showings of their “original” films that they tag as Sci Fi products are all retreaded rehashed TV movie of the week schlock, too stupid for NBC or ABC. They all rely on formulas of a consistent routine of giant monsters, killer bugs, undersea creatures, faux-action features, superheroes, disaster pictures revolving around a natural occurrence or the apocalypse, and bargain basement fantasy with CGI that was old hat in 1998.
Evil Aliens (2005)
About five minutes into Jake West’s “Evil Aliens”, I was already sinking low into my seat wondering what I was watching. It begins as a simple horror film. Two people are having sex. And they’re abducted. The man then experiences one hell of a violent anal probe that tops off the sick fuck fest known as “Evil Aliens”, and I was having fun. Led by an utterly vivacious news reporter (Emily Booth), a group of cameramen and reporters head out into the countryside to investigate a case of abduction, and alien pregnancy they suspect is bogus, that will essentially lead to one hell of a bloody skirmish that makes up most of “Evil Aliens”.