Year 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Ultimate Edition (DVD)

While Mike Newell did in theory retain much of the mood and dread set by Alfonso Cuaron who injected his own individual flavor in to “Prisoner of Azkaban,” the fourth installment of the film series entitled “The Goblet of Fire” is no more entertaining than the aforementioned title. It’s even worse than the third one primarily because this series progresses more and more in to formulaic dribble and less in to adventurous and original fantasy doldrums that could stimulate the audience.

Director Newell’s installment is absolutely gorgeous to watch, but in the realm of story and characterization it brings very little to the table. Even with Ralph Fienne’s magnificent portrayal of the monstrous Lord Voldemort among the finale. The story this time delves in to Harry Potter’s dark side, and his capability to submerge himself to the dark side and become a pawn for Voldemort in the end.

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Year 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban Ultimate Edition (DVD)

For folks currently switching over to Blu-Ray this Christmas, there is also the option for traditional DVD releases, and this year available for all of the Potter fans is the Year 3 Ultimate Edition of Alfonso Cuaron’s “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban” one of the few very entertaining installments of the Harry Potter series that has a truly dark and grim tone to it appealing toward adults and children alike.

This is one of the few films of the series that convinces me Harry Potter is not just for six year olds with a library card, and Cuaron lends a distinction that makes his version of the book much more bleak and atmospheric with a horror film sensibility and grit he brought over from “Children of Men.” Granted, I’m not a fan of the Harry Potter franchise in spite of my trying in the early days of the first book. I can still fondly recall reading the first book and midway through the text, I had to put it down and try to stay awake.

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Family Guy Presents: It's a Trap! (2010)

WeHaveABadFeelingAboutThisPFifty five seconds in, I’m not kidding, fifty five seconds in, “Family Guy” manages to meet my expectations in the sense of laziness concerning the writers. Does this show still have writers? Are they just floating around in big pools compiling scripts on cocktail napkins now? Do they even care anymore? Within the first minute, “It’s A Trap!” squeezes in a joke about the nineties, before the Griffins experience another blackout. Just like “Blue Harvest.” Except with the aforementioned special, there was some set-up. Here the family groans at the black out and Stewie asks “We’re doing Jedi now, aren’t we?” to which Peter groans and declares “Let’s just get through this.” So… what’s the joke here? Were the writers obligated to finish off the trilogy? Are they making it heard to their fan base that they don’t even want to do this final installment? Are they echoing our thoughts on yet another “Star Wars” satire? Does the fan base even care that the writers aren’t even trying anymore?

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Bikini Bloodbath Christmas (2009)

jiubh“Gina Davis… like the wind… never forgets.”

2010 was a really rough year for yours truly so imagine my happiness when I learned that director Thomas Edward Seymour and Jon Gorman were ending the worst Christmas of my life with a Bikini Bloodbath. Finishing off their trilogy of trashy slashers, “Bikini Bloodbath Christmas” takes all of the good things about Christmas, destroys it, and instead trades it for a lot of booze, sexy women, bikinis, and a really evil chef Death who likes to kill people with a claw hammer… and stuff. Why is he killing people still? Who knows? But there are big boobs, sexy women and Debbie Rochon returns yet again.

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Hatchet II (2010)

Unnecessary back story, toilet humor, and overlong gags involving gore, yes, this is a sequel to “Hatchet” alright! While “Hatchet” was a serviceable genre installment that consumed time with a smile and didn’t change the genre as many movie critics promised it would, “Hatchet II” is here regardless, and rather than simply follow the formula it purports to adhere to with a throwback to goofy slashers of the eighties, in actuality it spends more time setting up the story in the first twenty minutes than it does get down to the nitty gritty of the sub-genre. Green takes the time out to explain the origin of Victor Crowley yet again for audiences after setting the sequel immediately after the events of the first film where Marybeth escapes the clutches of Crowley and manages to get away with the help of an eccentric fisherman.

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Aiming at Nikita

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So far this is the third variation of the Luc Besson spy thriller masterpiece “La Femme Nikita,” and the more variations we see of it, the more the actual point of the premise is loss. We had “Point of No Return” a remake with Bridget Fonda I think I’d rather forget if only for being a piss poor adaptation of Besson’s film and for becoming a relatively obscure nineties fixture that put some nails in to Fonda’s career coffin. Then there was the basic cable spy thriller starring Peta Wilson that I really never bothered to watch mainly because it felt like a version of “Mission: Impossible,” and now there’s “Nikita.”

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Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)

For the past four films, director Paul WS Anderson has taken what was once a very entertaining horror franchise and turned it in to a series of movies fetishizing his wife and doing nothing more than further his muse-like view on her. We nearly saw her naked in the first movie, she was a bad ass in the second, a goddess in the third movie, and in the fourth we’re given an army of Milla’s, presumably a concept Anderson got his jollies off of. That said “Afterlife” is a movie that continues to drag on this wasted concept and posit the question: Why is Umbrella continuing their research if about ninety-nine percent of the world consumed by hellfire and the walking dead? What do they further have to gain beyond being evil for the sake of being evil?

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