Once upon a time, Kevin Smith decided that he liked “Scott Pilgrim vs. The World” so much that he’d copy the cliff notes and paste them on to a recycled fossil of his former glory in the shape of “Clerks” and build himself a brand spankin’ new cult classic. Instead what we get is a movie pandering to teens that is very obviously made by a fifty year old man if he were trying to write like Diablo Cody. I imagine Kevin Smith spent much of his time writing his screenplay for “Yoga Hosers” and promising to cast daughter Harley Quinn in it if she helped with the dialogue and much of the modern colloquialisms. Meanwhile he stuck to what he knew: which is stuff about convenience store clerks, and mocking Canada wholesale. There are shelves of maple syrup in the background, and boxes of cereal like “Cheeri-EHs.” Plus, our two main characters begin their work shift (almost in a subliminal apology to the audience) muttering in repetition “Sawrry Aboot That.”
Tag Archives: Supernatural
Munchies (1987)
I’m shocked New Concorde wasn’t sued by Steven Spielberg, since “Munchies” is about the closest rip off of “Gremlins” I’ve ever seen. While previous wannabes were just copying the formula of mischievous and often dangerous monsters wreaking havoc, “Munchies” goes so far as to copy the aforementioned horror fantasy right down to the monsters, all of whom bear striking resemblances to the enigmatic gremlins. Aimed toward a younger audience, but sporting a lot of raunchy humor, “Munchies” is set in a small town where young aspiring comedian Paul and his archaeologist father Cecil (Harvey Korman) find a small monster in a cave. Convinced it’s an alien of a sort, they take the friendly monster home and decide to make it their pet.
The Exorcist III (1990): Collector’s Edition [Blu-Ray]
William Peter Blatty’s “The Exorcist III” proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that even if a film series is destroyed by a bad sequel, it can bounce if the follow up is bold and creative enough. While “The Exorcist II” took a dump all over the original movie from Friedkin, “The Exorcist III” manages to quite brilliantly carve out its own unnerving horror story, while also expanding on the mythology of pazusu, and the possession of Regan McNeil. It also helps to confirm the idea of total evil that is never quite resolved, which only contributes to the film’s inherent sense of unease.
Tamara (2005)
Taking off from classic teen revenge horror flicks like “Carrie” and, to a lesser extent “Urban Legends 3,” “Tamara” is yet another ho hum female fueled revenge horror entry about a brutally scorned woman coming back to strike at her killers. Young Tamara is a constant target for the jocks and popular kids in her high school and mocked on a daily basis, especially now that she’s written a controversial article about drug testing in the school which further gives them a reason. To get back at her, they play a very cruel prank which goes very awry giving her a bad case of death. And because she’s secretly a witchcraft practitioner, she comes back from the grave as one pissed off, undead, sexy avenging angel.
Lights Out (2016) [Blu-Ray/Digital]
For three years, David F. Sandberg’s short horror film “Lights Out” rocked the internet and became a viral hit. It was a very short and to the point film with excellent framing, brilliant editing, and a shocker of a surprise ending. After years as a viral hit, we’re given the full length adaptation of “Lights Out,” which is a pretty great extension of the terror that Sandberg spreads out for his audience. Thankfully while the spirit of the original film is kept in tact (with the original star making a welcome walk on appearance), “Lights Out” is transformed in to a complex and wrenching horror film about mental illness, abandonment, and family. I was a bit hesitant to believe “Lights Out” could be expanded in to a feature length film but while it isn’t perfect, it’s a damn good horror film with some genuinely dynamite moments.
Meridian (1990)
Let’s face it: “Meridian” is only a Full Moon classic because it has the insanely sexy Sherilyn Fenn being all nude and scantily clad and whatnot. Co-star Charlie Spradling even has her change to unclothe as we’re given full view of her breasts during a surreal scene involving a party with a bunch of supernatural gypsies. “Meridian” watches like a really sluggish two dollar romance novel from a super market, where the author tried really hard to appeal to the horror audience, but failed big time. “Meridian” has a ton of beast on woman sex scenes, all of which are slow motion, to boot. One scene in particular bears a shocking similarity to the one in “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” where Dracula rapes Mina’s sister Lucy.
The Granny (1995)
“The Granny” is the definition of late night cable movie fodder. I saw it twenty years ago very late at night on cable television here in America, and it kind of burned itself in to my brain ever since. Granted, it’s not a masterpiece of horror comedy; in fact it’s so furiously stupid and ridiculous, it’s a film that’ll inspire more eye rolls than laughter. It’s at least worthy of one viewing for folks that enjoy pain with their cinema, though, and years later it’s about as silly as I remember. Star Stella Stevens chews the scenery, adjoining buildings and most of the wildlife up with her role as Granny, a bitter and angry old woman who lives in immense wealth. Unfortunately she was cursed with a vile and greedy family, all of whom are obsessed with counting the days until she finally dies leaving her fortune to them.