To say the writing behind “Sarah Landon and the Paranormal Hour” is clunky, sloppy, and utterly lazy would be a gross understatement. The movie makes no effort in being at all coherent or fluid and instead just does nothing but make all of the wrong movies when applied to competent writing. Sarah Landon is the heroine of this picture and the best characterization we get from her is during her introduction when she gets in to her car and the director zooms in on her bumper sticker that reads “My Friend was Killed by a Drunk Driver.” Director Lisa Comrie doesn’t even try to giver her some complex characterization, she literally explains her entire story on a bumper sticker! And this is supposed to give us insight on Landon? Why not put another bumper sticker that reads “Sarah Landon: The Main Character”?
Tag Archives: Suspense
Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)
What with Clive Barker’s gothic romance garnering immense popularity among his fans and horror buffs, it was only a matter of time until the Cenobites took control of the overall premise of Barker’s mythos and headlined the franchise. After the second part, the entire series basically missed the whole point of “Hellraiser” and soon enough Pinhead took center stage evolving in to nothing more than another movie monster prone to Shakespearean diatribes. For better or for worse, Pinhead became the star of the “Hellraiser” films and here he’s reduced to little more than an interactive head on a totem pole. Bye bye Tiffany, you had so much to offer, but it’s off to movie purgatory with you.
Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)
Yes much like the original Barker film, I’ve yet to ever really see “Hellbound,” as it’s managed to elude me for many years. I can recall seeing bits of it on a local cable station in America and never quite being able to experience it in its entirety. Tragically the only remotely interesting character in the entirety of “Hellbound” is Tiffany. Introduced as one of the more gifted and confounding of the patients within the mental institution, the character is a labyrinth within a labyrinth, a taskmaster disguised as mentally ill whose own personality and identity is about as enigmatic as the demonic puzzlebox. Imogen Boorman gives a rather striking performance as this walking riddle who consumes most of her time solving puzzles and tricks that doctor Channard gives her.
Hellraiser (1987)
I’m ashamed to admit that up until now I’ve never seen Clive Barker’s horror opus “Hellraiser.” In spite of it being regarded as a classic by many horror buffs and standing as a bonafide Gothic masterpiece, “Hellraiser” has managed to elude me for years. I’ve only managed to watch portions of the sequel, and the entirety of the third entry on late night cable as a child, but beyond that, I could never set down on the original film. One thing I loved about “Hellraiser” in the end was that Barker never holds our hands throughout the story he draws for the audience. Rather than making on the nose exposition, he instead allows us to explore this horror fantasy with the characters.
Eyes Beyond (2010)
For what it’s worth, Reininghaus is a very competent director with visual flourishes and grim depictions of torture that were both very unsettling and impossible to sit through. I found myself having to pause the film through most of the sequences as the cast just charges head first in to the horror that ensues with screaming and a vicious strangulation and raping. As for the cast, they’re very good with folks like Danielle Barker and Robert Nolan pulling in strong performances and convincing reactions to what should be a utterly horrifying little situation.
Pieces (Mil gritos tiene la noche) (1983): Two Disc Deluxe Edition (DVD)
“The most beautiful thing in the world is smoking pot and fucking on a water bed.”
Armed with perhaps two of the funniest, most demented, and rapid fire twists in possibly all of film history, “Pieces” is one of the most insane horror films I’ve ever seen, a movie so rife with cheese and over the top splatter that it’s just impossible not to enjoy. I found myself disgusted, and cringing all the while laughing at the top of my lungs at scenes so poorly orchestrated that it’s just so easy to sit and watch without being bored. It’s impossible to pick a starting point in this review because I’m currently comprehending what the hell I’d just seen before my eyes.
Spring Break Massacre (2008)
I’m not sure what the point of watching a horror movie is if we know everyone dies beforehand. Writers Hoffman and Jones take the unfortunate road of meeting us at the end with Reggie Bannister’s sheriff protagonist at the crime scene of said Spring Break Massacre explaining how every character dies. Meanwhile the story is told in completely disjointed formats and confusing shots that really left me in the dust. Why is this so high concept if it purports to be a slasher throwback? Why exactly is it called Spring Break Massacre if the majority of the story occurs during a slumber party?