Not surprisingly enough, the whole “Final Destination” franchise has become like a carnival ride, too. You get on, you sit down, and watch the magic happen, and then watch people die in the most gruesome fashions imaginable, and then you shut it off and somehow feel content with your exercise in sadism. Death once again proves to his master that he’s kind of a moron, because every film involves someone guessing his tricks as he causes a death like a game of “Mouse Trap” personally created by Rube Goldberg at his most sadistic.
Tag Archives: Thriller
Rottweiler (2004)
Why even call this “Rottweiler”? That’s what I’m interested in discovering. What’s the point? I’m confused as to why the director and screenwriter and Lions Gate Films felt it necessary to call this film “Rottweiler” when we only ever see the actual eponymous robo-mutt every so often. Instead of featuring the same old laboratory creature gone wild plot, “Rottweiler” instead focuses on a chain gang that breaks out of a prison. The lone fugitive named Dante is on the run from the robotic Rottweiler which happens to be cannibalistic, vicious and has one objective: to tear the on the lam fugitive a new one.
The Beast of Bray Road (2005)
At the start of “Beast”, a young bar patron drifts away from her friends after closing hours and is stalked and mauled to death by a werewolf. The beast grabs her, tears her apart, and howls into the sky. I enjoyed that. But, for no other reason I can imagine but to piss me the hell off, director Scott feels that even though we had that good opening signaling grand things, we could have done without it for another thirty or forty minutes, which in common sense land is a large portion of a film that doesn’t even hit the two hour mark, and that makes zero sense.
The Blind Swordsman: Zatoichi (2003)
Not many people are aware of it, but I’m a huge fan of the “Zatoichi” series. I love the series, and I’ve seen almost all of them, so when I was finally able to get my hands on the Beat Takeshi sequel, I was ecstatic. What made Zatoichi was that Shintaro Katsu presented such an inept and humble distinction to him that he was never thought to be a dangerous persona, but Katsu strived in making Zatoichi so unassuming, yet so utterly deadly. Katsu was short, chubby, and seemingly incapable of being able to learn any sort of arts, but once criminals crossed Ichi’s path, he spoke loudly with his rapid fire sword work. For those unaware of the character, Zatoichi is an ex-yakuza who lost his eyesight during a war, and became a masseur traveling across the land as an anti-hero.
Voodoo Moon (2005)
Outside of Buffy geeks, I really don’t see what reason you could have for liking “Voodoo Moon”. It’s a limp semi-action fantasy that uses the device of Voodoo as an excuse to expose its superhero, said hero is in the form of Eric Mabius who looks like quasi-Brandon Lee circa 1994. He’s dressed like a Goth, but really is a Voodoo shaman who is forced to fight off an evil entity that killed his mom and dad when he was a child. He enlists the help of his sister, played by Charisma Carpenter, who has a penchant for drawing pictures that foretell the future. And that’s really all she’s good for.
Hard Candy (2005)
Those upset by the ex-pedophile makes good story of “The Woodsman” may find consolation in “Hard Candy”, which is basically just a film about a pedophile that gets what he had coming to him all this time. While “The Woodsman” is basically about redemption “Hard Candy” is very much a one-sided revenge flick in the vein of “I Spit on Your Grave”, and “Audition”. Incidentally enough, both films with opposite depictions of pedophilia bear the same red riding hood metaphors. “Hard Candy” begins with the glow of a computer screen with two people chatting online and engaging in heavy flirting and finally, after a run around, decides to meet up. The two people in question are a fourteen year old named Hayley, and Jeff, a man in his thirties.
Undertow (2004)
Josh Lucas is an excellent actor, he can be, he aspires to be, but when he stars in crap like “Stealth” and “Glory Road”, he really continues to stay a footnote on the end of audience’s memories. But then he stars in films like “Undertow”, and you feel saddened, as I did, wondering: If this guy can give such a horrifying performance here, why can’t he take those talents and put them to good use? Lucas’s performance as a menacing uncle is basically on par with DeNiro as Max Cady, with Robert Mitchum in “Night of the Hunter” thrown in for good measure. That’s just about all there is to it.