Author Archives: Felix Vasquez

Disturbia (2007)

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disturbia-screening

If you’re willing to ignore all the obvious positions our characters are put in, “Disturbia” will be pretty excellent. I wasn’t willing to ignore all the obvious marks, so I found it to be pretty damn frustrating. Let’s see, there’s our character Kale who is known for being a liar and deceiver, then there’s our mom who is so self-involved, she can’t listen to our hero, and of course a cop who has it out for him who we know will just come in the nick of time to help our hero when in trouble. And then there’s that nasty habit of the film being so utterly derivative. If there was ever going to be a remake of “Rear Window,” you could basically re-title this and not know the difference. “Disturbia” is a pretty cheesy thriller that is never afraid to flaunt that it’s so predictable.

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Spider-Man 3 (2007)

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0iLzLatI have this theory that “Spider-Man 3” is Sam Raimi’s revenge on Sony Pictures. What leads me to that theory? Well, Raimi was likely forced to make the second sequel on a speedy time slot, he was likely bored with making another Spider-Man film on such a hectic schedule, and was forced to include Venom, a character he swore off when he took on  the Spider-Man franchise. What’s interesting is that “Spider-Man 3” seems to prove many of my points at every turn, and it’s painful that I may be right.

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Charlotte's Web (2006)

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imagesI really enjoyed the little segments involving the crows trying to outwit the scarecrow. Their obsession with getting past the scarecrow that they’re convinced is following them since he’s in every corn field, is pretty funny. Andre Benjamin and Thomas Haden Church do a bang up job with voice work, and it’s a very good bright spot for the film. The mismatched friendship between a pig and a spider is touching, only because this spider is keeping this runt of a pig from dying. What makes “Charlotte’s Web” works, even in this sub-par form, is the ability for these two individuals to find friendship in spite of their differences.

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Horror Business (2005)

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HorrorBusinessI love horror movies. I love them so much that it hurts me. I love them so much I feel an ache in the pit of my stomach whenever I just think about coming upon a brand new horror film waiting to be watched. And Garetano loves them, too. But he also has a cynical sense of humor about making horror films. Being a film critic for almost ten years now has educated me. Every film I’ve been sent from aspiring filmmakers who make a horror film and fail to entertain, I hold a deep sense of sympathy for them. Because making films and making horror films aren’t easy. “Horror Business” is a great horror movie documentary about making horror movies.

And it’s about how making horror movies can suck the life out of you. Garetano spotlights some of the most relentless independent horror filmmakers, including the director of one of my personal favorites, “Zombie Honeymoon.” What Garetano conveys is that horror filmmaking, while being essentially filmmaking, is a completely different art form. It’s difficult to scare people, and be a unique voice in the genre, and Garetano explores the feelings and frustrations of these filmmakers as they try to make a film that they believe will be great. And these men have a lot of insight to shed for the audience, as they discuss their thoughts on why we love horror films, and why horror films are so popular these days.

Filmmaking, like writing, is a way of life for these individuals who seek to release all aggression and express themselves, and it’s easy to connect to their desires to want to be seen and heard. And even appreciated. Hell, Garetano even touches upon these filmmakers basic frustrations that horror fans have been singing for years. Why remake a movie when you have thousands of great filmmakers waiting to express their own unique voice? Remakes are for money purposes, and the directors here talk of their inability to be pleased by anything new in the modern film era. The feeling is well expressed among many horror fans these days.

The best way to gain a perspective of film, talk to the actual struggling filmmakers and Garetano really shows how many people will die for their love of horror films, and filmmaking. Film, like any artistic medium can ruin its creator, and “Horror Business” explores that statement perfectly. Garetano really exemplifies the filmmaker’s struggles in film, and creates what is one of the best horror documentaries I’ve ever seen. You can’t receive proper insight about filmmaking unless you talk to actual struggling filmmakers, and Garetano gets it right; “Horror Business” is a film you have to see if you’re a horror buff, or someone thinking about making a serious horror movie.

Gangs of the Dead (Last Rites) (2006)

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gotd

“Put on some news, I wanna hear about dead muthafuckas out there eating cops like it’s a barbecue!”

Yo son, check dis son, I’m from da Bronx son, and I just finished watching “Gangs of the Dead.” See, what makes “Gangs of the Dead” so clever is because it’s a double entendre, son. It ain’t just gangs of the dead, it’s gangs, as in groups of the dead. So it’s clever and not as stupid as y’all think. So I sat here wit ma forty, and laughed ma nuts off, while firing off ma glock. Naw, son, word is bond, I’m sick of zombie movies, son. The zombies in here, they all look like nothing but filthy hobos and alcoholics you see under the bridge in da streets. And wouldn’t you know it, now we got a bunch of black stereotypes being haunted by those flesh eating bastards, and I sit here trying to think of a reason not to turn ma glock on my head… son.

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Flock of Dodos: The Evolution-Intelligent Design Circus (2006)

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5316As an atheist and proponent of evolution, it really chaps my hide that a ludicrous fictional tale such as Intelligent Design would be created, and attempt to be accepted. What intelligent design is by sheer proof is the cowardice of Creationists. It’s a “theory” that was built to seem like science when really all it is, is creationism with a few pretty science terms thrown in for respectability. And what’s humorous is that creationists who shun science and evolution would invent a “theory” that reverts to science immediately. It all comes back to science.

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Star Wars: The Legacy Revealed

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Star Wars. There’s really nothing I can say here that you probably haven’t already heard in a thousand other sites. And I can bet that those other folks have said it better and more poetically. Everything has been said about “Star Wars” by thousands of people all over the world.

But the real question I asked was, can “The Legacy Revealed” give us something new about Star Wars? Perhaps they’d divulge an unknown tidbit, or perhaps they’d share some insight that others haven’t caught yet? It’s possible. But also it’s pretty much impossible these days. Many documentaries just tread over the same old territory. “Star Wars: The Legacy” doesn’t really tell us anything new or groundbreaking.

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