Category Archives: Movie Reviews

Black Christmas (1974)

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We never did find out who Billy was, did we? Was he a disgruntled ex-boyfriend? A humiliated crush? Or perhaps just a lunatic who drifted into the sorority house one night before Christmas? It’s always more frightening to be left with questions, isn’t it? Why do killers always have to have a motive or connection to the characters? Do real murderers always make sense? From the first frame director Bob Clark leads us through a labyrinth of absolute red herrings advising us to pay attention, notice the clues, and really focus in on where he’s going with “Black Christmas.” For years I heard many people trying to figure out who Billy is and what his intent was toward this group of young women in their sorority house one Christmas. How is able to get in and out without notice? How is he able to sneak back and forth in this house without being seen?

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Family Guy Presents: It's a Trap! (2010)

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WeHaveABadFeelingAboutThisPFifty five seconds in, I’m not kidding, fifty five seconds in, “Family Guy” manages to meet my expectations in the sense of laziness concerning the writers. Does this show still have writers? Are they just floating around in big pools compiling scripts on cocktail napkins now? Do they even care anymore? Within the first minute, “It’s A Trap!” squeezes in a joke about the nineties, before the Griffins experience another blackout. Just like “Blue Harvest.” Except with the aforementioned special, there was some set-up. Here the family groans at the black out and Stewie asks “We’re doing Jedi now, aren’t we?” to which Peter groans and declares “Let’s just get through this.” So… what’s the joke here? Were the writers obligated to finish off the trilogy? Are they making it heard to their fan base that they don’t even want to do this final installment? Are they echoing our thoughts on yet another “Star Wars” satire? Does the fan base even care that the writers aren’t even trying anymore?

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The Long, Slow Death of a Twenty-Something (2011)

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Ben Baker is the classic male of the western society. He has no identity. He’s too old and mature for his teenage antics that involve gaming, bullshitting, and heavy alcohol, and he’s too young and immature to accept the doldrums of adulthood that involve committed relationships and responsibilities. Too adult for childish things, and too childish for obligations, both of which are worlds where Ben is incapable of being himself and expressing of his true feelings on any given topic. With a very symbolic prologue involving a blue square, director Larry Longstreth basically sets the stage for a story about growing up, moving on, and trying to find a place in a society that demands everything of you but yourself.

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You're Not Elected, Charlie Brown (1972) (DVD)

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Rife with political satire and social commentary, “You’re Not Elected” is one of the more entertaining animated adventures by the Peanuts Gang. In it Charles Schulz and co. tackle the political industry by pinning the classmates of Charlie’s school against each other in a brutal match for class president.

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Nothing Like the Holidays (2008)

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NLTHTruth be told I’m not too surprised that “Nothing Like the Holidays” has become an obscure holiday film in spite of doing everything right in terms of holiday films. It’s called “Nothing like The Holidays” for a broader appeal, considering most Puerto Rican families celebrate Christmas strictly, and yet it’s still a shelf filler after its release in theaters because let’s face it, there’s not a Caucasian face among the cast. America loves the plight of the American family filled with blondes and brunettes while something like “Nothing Like the Holidays” which is essentially a film about a family trying to deal with their demons and unrequited emotions, is pushed to the wayside.

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Bikini Bloodbath Christmas (2009)

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jiubh“Gina Davis… like the wind… never forgets.”

2010 was a really rough year for yours truly so imagine my happiness when I learned that director Thomas Edward Seymour and Jon Gorman were ending the worst Christmas of my life with a Bikini Bloodbath. Finishing off their trilogy of trashy slashers, “Bikini Bloodbath Christmas” takes all of the good things about Christmas, destroys it, and instead trades it for a lot of booze, sexy women, bikinis, and a really evil chef Death who likes to kill people with a claw hammer… and stuff. Why is he killing people still? Who knows? But there are big boobs, sexy women and Debbie Rochon returns yet again.

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The Big Lebowski: A XXX Parody (2010)

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21The review of “The Big Lebowski” porn parody was a long time coming… no, I must keep going. Anyway, this review is long overdue for the simple fact that upon watching the PG-13 trailer for the porn parody of one of the greatest films of all time, I found myself mighty giddy at the prospect of a porn parody of the Coen Brothers film. Sure half of the time porn parodies are just lame excuses to grab money from consumers, but on other times, we get “The Big Lebowski a XXX Parody” a hilarious and inventive porn spoof that is 65 percent parody of the original films, and 35 percent hardcore porno. And I guarantee if you’ve seen the original films a thousand times over like I have, you’ll get a kick out of the subtle and not so subtle changes to the original film for porno consumers.

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