Category Archives: Movie Reviews

Zombie Honeymoon (2004)

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A few months ago, I saw a film called “Boy Eats Girl”, about a young man who dies and comes back as a zombie. The people who love him are willing to ignore his ravenous potentially murderous behavior because they just are that committed to him. “Zombie Honeymoon” is basically along those same lines. Except, in spite of its evident camp it’s much more in the vein of a tragedy, and it works. Can you love someone who is uncontrollably murderous? Can you love someone beyond circumstances that are not in your control? Do you fight the tide, or welcome it with open arms? “Zombie Honeymoon” in spite of its ludicrous title is actually much more classy and straight-faced than its moniker would dictate to audiences; which would also attribute to the lack of interest from many I’ve come across.

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I Killed Tom@MySpace.com

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kfdhkWhat attributes to the current success and immense popularity of “My Space”? I can never really figure it out. I have a personal page and a networking one, so I won’t pretend I hate My Space, but for a site that runs well only half the time, has trouble loading, is incredibly slow, and is down half the time, I wonder why My Space continues to remain such a humongous website. One of the most ridiculous but warranted feuds on the mega website is the subscribers’ feuds with Tom. Who is Tom? Tom runs the entire site.

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The Movie Extra (2005)

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fullHow desperate can one person be to star in a film, even as an extra? Apparently not as desperate as the main character in “The Movie Extra” who, on the phone for the entire film, tries to convince his agent to cast him as a Pakistani, a full blown homosexual (pun not intended), Denzel Washington’s stunt double, and a woman. Seriously.

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Maria Full of Grace (2003)

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maria-full-of-graceYou may not think to look at it, but “Maria Full of Grace” is quite possibly one of the tenset films made in years. Mostly centered on suspense and agonizing tension, “Maria” is a film about the drug trafficking world, the world where desperate people are duped in to becoming mules for Colombian drug lords. Catalina Sandino Moreno gives an excellent performance as the spoiled and head strong Maria who basically lives the mundane life of a teenager in Colombia. Marston’s film about the experience of not only people seeking a better life in what they perceive as a Utopia, but also of drug mules.

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Bewitched (2005)

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2012febbewitchedpostersNicole Kidman’s career has become a constant bipolar example of choices in film that really should be examined. Kidman can pull in a rousing performance in one film, and then oddly appear in a really bad film the next. She can go from brutally sexy Ingrid Bergman, to numb skulled Lindsay Lohan in mere minutes. And that’s why she’s become a gamble in Hollywood. And Will Ferrell is no saint, either. I’ve never seen two people so devoted to doing damage to their careers before. Are they talented? Sure, but stupid choices deteriorate a great career. Would it have been so bad to remake “Bewitched” directly? I ask you. I mean, a remake at all was incredibly questionable and unnecessary, but that’s just moot. No, a direct remake would be too obvious. Let’s do a satire on Hollywood. No one has ever done that before! Right…?

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When a Stranger Calls (2006)

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wasc-043Do you know how your little brother or cousin would always pop out from a corner with a mask and yell “boo!” and then you’d be scared. And then amused, he’d continue doing so. Again, and again, and again, until you started to get angry. But he continued doing it until you tore the mask off and kicked him in the nuts? Well, that’s what my experience was like with Simon West’s remake of “When a Stranger Calls”. Now, I haven’t seen the original film just yet, but I imagine it won’t make me want to kick the director in the nuts. Imagine this: I took a camera and filmed myself around the house. You would see me drinking water, taking a dump, cleaning my ears, walking around the hallway… I know you’re saying “That’s stupid, I’d never see that”. Well, then you may want to stay away from this.

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Christmas with the Kranks (2004)

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Krank-christmas

I used to say that I’ve yet to see a film with Tim Allen that I found to be really bad. And somehow he rises to the occasion and stars in this. I should have kept my creed to myself. I got a big mouth. Either way, if you haven’t caught on by now, “Christmas with the Kranks” is yet another really shitty “holiday” film that’s a mere vehicle that delights in being idiotic, moronic, and shamelessly flaunts its inherent lapses in logic peppered throughout the story.

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