I’m not that bright sometimes, I admit it. I know what you’re saying “Felix, it can’t be true”, but I’m being honest, I’m not as utterly intelligent and charming as I look to you. Sometimes a joke is so subtle, I don’t get it. Again you’re gasping and thinking “My god, he’s mad he IS charming and intelligent”, but it’s true, my friends. Either way “Zombies in my Neighborhood” is basically proof to my sad admittance. “Zombies in my Neighborhood” is the making of a film that–will never happen. Thus is the joke. Which I didn’t catch on to.
Category Archives: Movie Reviews
Domino (2005)
Director John Ford once said that if you must choose between the fact or the legend, go with the legend, and it’s a known verity that about ninety percent of the biographical pictures ever made in Hollywood have had some or all story elements of its subjects embellished, romanticized, or utterly sensationalized. What you have to appreciate about this is that it admits without shame that it’s somewhat made up. We’re never told by really anyone which parts are fabricated, but the filmmakers sought out to remind us in the opening scenes: “Based on a true story… sort of”. It’s a clever opening that made me somewhat amused because it let me know without bullshitting me that the people are real, but the story is pretty made up, but enjoy it either way.
Into the Blue (2005)
A group of barge sailors accidentally find buried treasure on the ocean floor and come across deadly pirates. Peter Benchley’s “The Deep”? No you fool, this parade of good looking people and much ridiculousness is called “Into the Blue”, yet another remake. Take the old time storytelling devices and implement the sentiment of today’s culture by juicing it up with a cast full of pretty people with no particular acting ability. If “Into the Blue” is any indicator, the producers were more compelled to flash us than provide a story that wasn’t contrived or incredibly far-fetched. Two young people who should be models are poor in a trailer and go deep sea diving for sunken barges for cash; a plane crashes, and they discover a butt load of cocaine but cross some fierce mobsters and pirates on the way to staking their claims.
The Clearing (2004)
As much as I didn’t want it to be what with the excellent cast of great actors, “The Clearing” is a surprisingly routine hostage flick with all the usual foibles and aspects you’d expect from a film such as this. Plus, it comes off in the end as utterly incomplete and half-assed. I love Robert Redford, and I think he’s still an immensely talented man, but this is just an overall lame-brained attempt at something more existential. The film goes on and on without even much of a full concept. We have Helen Mirren’s character who is desperate for her husband but begins exploring his shady past and their life together, but that’s never really explored with as much depth as it could have been, we meet the children, one is an eager son, the other is a beautiful daughter, but they’re never truly explored, then we have the bonding of this family whom were disconnected in life but connect during this tragedy, and sadly, that is a concept not truly explored as I wanted it to be.
Dark Chamber (2005)
I tend to underestimate independents sometimes, and with “Under Surveillance” I expected one thing and received the complete opposite. I knew I had this movie pegged about thirty minutes in, and then the surprise climax completely slapped me in the face, and right humbled my suspicions. Writer-director David Campfield manages to create a film that really ends up being a worthy hybrid of Hitchcock and Agatha Christie, with a story that constantly comes up with layers upon layers of plot twists and surprises that really involve the audience with what’s occurring on-screen. He feeds us this notion about what the film is alluding to, and then sneaks on us a completely different concept that fits.
Layer Cake (2004)
Films like this make me happy I can afford to pay for them because “Layer Cake” is worth the money in the end. Taking off with a very Guy Ritchie sensibility, director Matthew Vaughn who has had involvement with one of my favorite films of the past years “Snatch” creates his own stylish monster of a mob movie with “Layer Cake”. What does the title refer to? Well, that’s basically something left for the climax, but this rampage of sex, booze, drugs, and violence make this one of the best mob movies I’ve seen since “Snatch”. Mr. X is a drug dealer/drug maker who wants to grab life by the balls.
Artie Saves the Hood (2004)
Don’t you hate it when you and your two slacker friends are trying to set up a backyard wrestling court in your backyard, and aliens from another dimension come in to your neighborhood to take it over? It happens more times than you think, and apparently, it’s happening to Artie’s hood. This pretty funny science fiction comedy asks the audience that very questions while giving us a concept that’s like “Shaun of the Dead” mixed with a bit of the Askew Universe. What if the fate of the world depended on a slacker?