Category Archives: PC Thugs

“Super Mario Bros: The Movie” 30 Years Later: The Baffling Feature Film Adaptation

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Kids today will soon know their Mario Brothers as CGI animated sprites in the upcoming “The Super Mario Bros. Movie.” I, for one, am psyched. But back in 1993, my Mario Bros. (beyond the video games) were found on television and in the movies. After Captain Lou Albano and Danny Wells ended their run as Mario and Luigi in “The Super Mario Brothers Super Show!” in 1989, the studios decided to finally bring the Super Mario world to the big screen in 1993. Said movie was called “Super Mario Bros: The Movie.”

You’d probably think: “How they could possibly get such an easy concept so wrong?”

But they did. They really did.

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J.K. Rowling Steals Shit (or How a Bigot Got Rich Off of Other People’s Ideas)

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Many years ago my good friend Felix asked me if I’d write about J.K. Rowling for his site, which I gladly obliged. That article is long gone now and, frankly, I’m a much better writer so I proposed taking another swing at it. When I originally wrote it I focused on the most obvious issue with Rowling. Since then, though? Oh my god, the flood gates of negatives regarding her has been opened nonstop.

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The Broad, Disappointing Strokes of “Avatar”

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Reposted from December 31st, 2009

There’s something about shooting fish in a barrel, and if any modern equivalent of a movie which lent itself to post-modern bashing more than Avatar does, you might only have truly smug equivalents of Stepin Fetchit, and those examples are self-aware.

Example: The gold toothed robots in Transformers 2. Clearly, they either knew what they were doing and did it anyway, or they simple didn’t know and it was perceived that way, but there’s no way a rational and cognizant person can not watch those robots and think, ghetto stereotype. But then, that opens me to my own criticism from the straw man who says, “I didn’t see that, you did, you f___ing racist!” Well, I asked my friends, so bite me. I hadn’t actually seen the flick until recently, where my thoughts were confirmed. Too busy watching shit that matters, I suppose.

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Everything Ends, and so should “The Oscars”

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I’ve been an avid Oscar fan since I was five years old. I’ve watched every single show since I was a wee lad, and I’ve always had a good time with the energy and love for movies. Over the years the Oscars have tested my devotion to the entire process what with the politics and unusual decisions for its awards. It always took top priority when I was growing up, and now it’s rare that I watch the entire ceremony in one sitting. Now in 2022, “The Oscars” seems so antiquated, especially when they’re still refusing to acknowledge interesting, and unique filmmaking in favor of the same old stuff we’ve seen a thousand times already.

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We Don’t Talk About Tatum Enough

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Most recently I was discussing the “Scream” movie series with someone online, and while discussing Tatum Riley, they made the statement that she literally contributes nothing to “Scream.” I completely disagreed. Not only is Tatum Riley a major contributor to the fate (and genesis) of Sydney Prescott, but she’s easily the most important character of the first “Scream,” barnone.

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Mediocrity and Peril at Action Park

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Seth Porges’ fantastic documentary “Class Action Park” recently debuted on cable, prompting me to think back at the time I survived Action Park. I say survived, and not visited, because as a kid I had no idea how utterly absolutely dangerous and deadly the theme park had a reputation for being. On its surface it looked like a wonderful place to have some good summer time adventure, and the ads that played non-stop on television during the summer season made the place look amazing. But like “Itchy & Scratchy Land,” it was a death trap in disguise with horrendous hazards capable of maiming and or killing you.

Sans the robots, of course.

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The Best Animated Movie Satire I’ve Ever Seen

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Part of what made the Looney Tunes and Warner Bros. dynasty so great beyond its characters, was its limitless ability to mock and satirize Hollywood. At a time where Hollywood was adored and enamored by so many, Warner Bros. actually did a great job of taking the piss out of people like Humphrey Bogart and Clark Gable. In 1993, Fox Studios and Warner brought back the formula that they’d abandoned for decades with “The Animaniacs.” While the show was primarily a series filled with segments primarily aimed toward children, some of the segments brought back a lot of the classic Warner Bros. traditions, including satirizing modern Hollywood.

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