Zathura: A Space Adventure (2005)

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I was not a fan of “Jumanji.” Beyond the great special effects it was a rather boring, and confusing lollapalooza with sub-par performances, and a cheesy ending. So when the unofficial sequel “Zathura” arrived in theaters, suffice it to say my skepticism was tantamount to my skepticism of “Sharkboy and Lavagirl.” It looked well intentioned but basically looked like an empty spectacle. In a world filled with “Hoot,” “Sharkboy and Lavagirl,” and “Sleepover” which are the considered the crème de la crème of children’s fare, “Zathura” is a welcome change of pace. It doesn’t talk down its audience, it doesn’t paint clichés, it doesn’t insult our intelligence, and its entertainment is enjoyable for both adults and children. That’s rare.

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Engineering an Empire: Egypt

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header_history_egypt_engineering_an_empireNot being a history, engineering, or architecture buff, I didn’t see what I could take away or find of interest in the pilot episode of “Engineering an Empire.” Spinning off from the special “Engineering an Empire” in Rome, the series will now chronicle historical accounts of architectural landmarks from all civilizations and discuss monuments, buildings, fortresses, and dams.

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Going to Pieces: The Rise and Fall of the Slasher Film (2006)

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GoingtoPiecesFor me, “Going to Pieces” was like a wet dream, it was a pastiche of all the aspect of horror that I love and hate, and for ninety minutes, I was enjoying the hell out of myself. It’s true, the horror genre, and horror fans get a bad rap, and both are often demonized by the religious, the media, and any self-righteous parent with a desire to be a celebrity, and “Going to Pieces,” tackles those aspects of the genre along with paying homage to the sub-genre I hold dear to my ripped heart.

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A Sound of Thunder (2005)

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A-sound-of-thunder-pic1At the start of “A Sound of Thunder,” One was that the quality was on par to an average stinker on the Sci Fi Channel, and the other was that there couldn’t possibly be that much truth to the suckiness of said film. At the start, our heroes are on prehistoric terrain and in enters a dinosaur; a dinosaur that is really intent on eating them. The whole time I watch this, I’m thinking to myself “This couldn’t be the special effects, they must be in a simulator” which is usually the case in films in which we think one scenario is actual distress, and it ends up being a complete red herring.

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Rest Stop (2006)

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reststop3-1A cell phone that isn’t working, a gritty rest stop, no phone in sight, a bitchy wife, an inept husband, a mysterious man behind the wheel of a car, and a lot of screaming. Well, now that we have all the clichés in order, let’s make a movie! “Rest Stop” wants to be “Wolf Creek,” it wishes it were “The Hitcher,” it vies to be “Duel,” but in reality it’s not even as good as “Joy Ride.” If this is what we’re getting from direct to video, I’m shocked that I’m still a horror fan. “Rest Stop” is a sloppy hackneyed piece of dribble that derives much of its plot from different survivalist horror films only to be called a survivalist horror film.

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A Day Without a Mexican (2004)

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What if American’s Mexicans suddenly disappeared one day? Well, in effect, what if America’s “laziest race” disappeared one day? Well, then we’d have a nation of lazy Caucasians, wouldn’t we? And we’d have an actual group of people, whom are Americans who will not work. And we’d be at war with one another. And we’d be calling each other sub-human, wouldn’t we? “A Day without a Mexican” is not just a satire on the Mexican sub-culture, but an indictment on America on the Hispanic sub-culture. But I’m trying to figure out what the hell was going through the writers minds when making this.

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Pervert! (2005)

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pervert-05Yudis’ film is fun. More fun than it has the right to be. And I suggest “Pervert!” for fans of Troma, horror, comedy, Sam Raimi, porn, Mary Carey, Russ Meyer, big breasts, sex, women, John Waters, big breasts, hot women, big breasts, good taste, and yes, big breasts. Did I enjoy “Pervert!” only on those terms? Yes. And what’s wrong with that? “Pervert!” is a film where you shut off the big brain, and let the little brain do its magic, and I can guarantee any red blooded hetero male, and or lesbian, will utterly enjoy the romps. Not to mention the shameless flaunting of sexy as hell Mary Carey as a trophy wife, Juliette Clarke as a very hot nurse, and Sally Jean as a Cuban antagonist with a wide smile, all of whom suffer the fate of the mysterious monster roaming the desert in search of… well, you’ll discover it for yourself.

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