The words Robert Rodriguez would come to regret saying for years to his son: “This would make a cool movie”. Oy. It’s difficult to just outright cut this movie a new one, especially since the intentions behind it are admirable. Whether or not Rodriguez’ son thought of the story, dreamt of these characters, and or co-wrote this screenplay, it’s hard to completely rip it apart. It sucks, that’s a given, and its Rodriguez’ worst, but I’m still trying to figure out why this was made. I remember kids movies being bad, especially when I was a kid. I had to suffer through “Rock a Doodle”, “Ferngully”, and “Mom and Dad Save the World”, but I believe it’s possible to make a very good kids film.
Harry Potter and the The Goblet of Fire (2005)
Closer then comes the formation of Harry Potter as the wizard, or sorcerer he’s bound to become one day, and closer do we watch the character progress if only slightly to not only accomplishing the art of magic, but also coming closer to his dark side. The question remains is, will he reach his dark side before he masters magic? That’s many of the questions posed during this fourth installment of the Potter series. I didn’t read the book, honestly, and personally I don’t aspire to. “Harry Potter” has always been an overblown facet in modern pop culture to me, especially after reading the bland first book, so I prefer to review the films to their own merit. Bias’ aside, I was interested in seeing the fourth installment especially since Alfonso Cuaron did such a good job with the previous film.
Junebug (2005)
There’s that saying that if you marry someone, you’re not only marrying them, but you’re also marrying their family and their friends. The same could be said for Gloria who is in for an utter journey of discovery when she meets George. One day at a city gallery, she and George meet and instantly the sparks fly, and they quickly fall head over heels in love. Only ten minutes into the film does the film start up, and for other films, that would be incredibly rushed, but thankfully, it doesn’t. Because the romance is not the story. It’s really only a catalyst for what we’re about to see.
Jarhead (2005)
Most of Anthony Swafford’s war time spent was on a war that never happened. Swafford recollects in an issue of Entertainment Weekly, that most of the time spent in the military was his superiors yelling fire in a crowded auditorium, spending time training, and bulking up, and training for nothing. “Jarhead” is one of the closest modern depictions of Don Quixote we can ever really see. A film about warriors training for a war that would never come, facing an enemy that may not have been there to begin with. But, Swafford’s story is depicted through a memoir that can be dictated through different eyes. For some it’s an anti-war message, for others it’s just a non-biased portrait of a man who never went to war despite being in the military during war time.
The Halfway House (2004)
Eddie: Who’s my sweet baby bitch?
Cherry Pie: I am.
Eddie: That’s right.
In the mood for a lesbian horror thriller? Well, who isn’t? And “The Halfway House” will surely cure what ails you. It’s a movie that is so awful, it’s actually quite entertaining, and “The Halfway House” rises to occasion in terms of garbage, but throughout the entire run time, I did enjoy some of it. About thirty percent of it, which would account for the generous rating. It’s cheesy and exploitative, but it’s also pretty fun, especially when the “screenwriter” rips lines from other films (in the climax, the heroine spouts “Smile, you son of a bitch” before killing the monster).
King Kong (2005)
Peter Jackson takes “King Kong” a timeless classic from 1933 and remakes it bigger, larger, and louder. And he’s very faithful to the original story (98 percent). Jackson goes back to the roots of the story, and what made it so damn good, and brings it to modern audiences. Though nothing can ever top the original film, and all of its novelty, Jackson’s remake is pretty damn good. What always intrigued me about the Kong story, is that Ann Darrow, whether she knew it or not, was the beginning of the end of King Kong. In the climax, as he falls from the Empire State Building, you have to wonder that perhaps he was better off being alone. As with all noir the female is always the end for the male.
Nintendo: Oldschool Revolution (2006)
Sick of those films that have humongous battles, wars with mythological creatures, a leader of a mass army giving his legion of soldiers a large dramatic pep talk on the battlefield, fantasy stories about revenge, and wizards, all battling to fight an evil legion of soldiers whom want to take over the world? Well, stop. And watch at least one more. But this gigantic film’s hero is not a hobbit, or a knight of the round table, this hero is a–plumber. Seriously. Take your stigma for these films and put it on hold, and watch Larry Longstreth’s new hilarious short film that really puts a new meaning to the game wars.