The creator of this odd film that wants to be considered a documentary (fat chance) is an idiot. Hey, I’m sure he’s a great guy, and I’m sure he’s a kind person, and a good friend, but I’ve known good people who are idiots, and director Herzlinger is an idiot. He’s poor, he doesn’t have a job, and he’s just recently won 1,100 dollars from a game show. Instead of turn that in to something of a worthy venture, or investment, he blows it. And he’s a struggling filmmaker. What a convenient turn of events. “My Date with Drew” is a movie that you’d probably see played on television back to back with “The Surreal Life” because every single aspect of it is staged, corny, and pathetic like a typical reality show that you’d see on network television.
H (2002)
It’s difficult to create an original and exciting murder mystery these days, especially since there have been so many murder mysteries that have promised an explosion and really just ended up a dud. Sadly, “H” is really no different. While it’s not a horrible piece of filmmaking, it’s sadly just standard. Mismatched pair of officers, both with their own sordid pasts, an elusive killer, a genius serial killer taunting the officers, gruesome murders alluding to abortion, body part and blood splattered clues left behind, red herrings, plot twists, and barely any exposition, all for a surprise ending. I’ve seen it all before, and “H” never rises to the occasion to challenge that formula and create its own niche upon which to break free from, so it remains a typical cop drama with a great ending.
Herbie Fully Loaded (2005)
After a montage of earlier “Herbie” films, we continue with the “extreme” semi-remake quasi-sequel to “Herbie The Love Bug” called “Herbie: Fully Loaded”. Do people still race with Buggies? Who cares, but you just know Lindsay Lohan must have owed something to Disney to have to do this film. It’s not like Lohan’s “career” has been all about quality films, mind you, but this film has “Contract fulfillment” written all over it. Granted, it’s not one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, not even one of the worst I’ve seen in a while, but it’s pretty damn lame, even for a kids film.
She Hate Me (2004)
My immense hatred for Spike Lee’s body of work not withstanding, “She Hate Me”, while making a statement of the sheer cruelty women are capable of for reach of their goals and manipulating men, is possibly one of Lee’s worst. Jack, the dumbest asshole ever depicted on film, is the true model of the intelligent man who isn’t smart enough to say no to a woman just because she flashes her cleavage and gives lustful stares to other women in front of him. Lee may not be the smartest man alive, but he is smart enough to show how wicked, manipulative, and objectifying women can be, and he shows how utterly unrealistic people can talk in his world. While posing for women to make money one girl proclaims, “Now you know what it feels like to be the sex object.”
Thanks, Lee, shove it down our throats why don’t you?
Ellie Parker (2005)
I mean, sure, making a film about actors struggling to make it in the system is an age old formula and even antiquated by today’s standards. After all the cheap attempts by Steven Soderbergh with crap like “Full Frontal”, and “Unscripted”, there’s really not much “Ellie Parker” provides in terms of original comedic material spoofing the audition process. Even with Naomi Watts as its star, there’s really nothing to take away from this experience. I was very disappointed after watching “Ellie Parker”. I’d spent many months anxious to see what Watts had up her indie bone, and to discover she really had nothing there, was a true disappointment.
Slither (2006)
I admit I wasn’t expecting much from “Slither”, basically because it looked so utterly cheesy, and in spite of Nathan Fillion’s presence, I just couldn’t find anything that could sell me on it. Surprisingly, I was wrong about it. A basic remake of “Night of the Creeps”, James Gunn’s “Slither” strives to be its own entity, and in many respects he succeeds in attempting such an endeavor. “Slither”, a throwback to fifties B movies with aliens, monsters, and zombies is stupid, and Gunn embraces the stupidity with scenes that are often ridiculous, but I was never bored. “Slither” in its stupidity is also pretty funny, and with the great cast it sports, I accepted the ridiculousness. And even from a Troma alumni like Gunn, I expected stupidity. It’s your usual B movie fodder.
Aftermath (2005)
Yet again, director Anthony Spaddacini smoothly tackles and assaults another common social topic concerning homosexuality in our modern age, and in many ways balances it to keep audiences from assuming this as a homosexual drama, and more just as a drama about people whom refuse to reveal secrets that could help them if not pulled out in the open. “Aftermath” is an immensely hard-edged and interesting drama that places its characters down in one room in the tradition of films like “The Big Chill” and has them force out these secrets.