From the beginning, “Poseidon” sets up pins for the potential humongous tidal wave to knock down one by one, and it couldn’t be more obvious if they tried. There’s the over protective father who built the ship, there’s Kevin Dillon playing the worm once again, there’s the independent daughter of the ship’s builder whose boyfriend has an “I’m fucked” sign over his head from minute one, there’s Freddy Rodriguez as a waiter who is hauling his wife aboard secretly. Gee, they may as well have targets on their asses. It’s interesting to note, Rodriguez, one of the few minorities in this corn fed remake, receives the most gruesome, and early death of the entire cast. Curious.
Tag Archives: Adventure
Cars (2006)
Maybe it’s because Pixar seems to be attempting to appeal to the NASCAR crowd, maybe it’s because Pixar seems to be glorifying a “sport” that’s really just cars driving around in circles, or maybe it’s because Pixar has created a movie that is preaching about the good days of society when it was more innocent, from a company like Disney that’s basically sterilized and dominated the world with its utterly sickening spree of overpriced merchandise. Turn any corner in Times Square in New York and you’re guaranteed to see something from Disney. And that’s not a coincidence. Disney is the cause of many problems in America, one of which is their sheer monopoly on companies and media, and the contribution to the overall vast consumption that’s ruined how Americans think.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)
To pretend “The Curse of the Black Pearl” possessed an elaborate, epic story rich in characterization and subtle dialogue, would be to set up all sorts of pretensions. “Dead Man’s Chest” is in the same vein as the former, only slightly more intent on showing its blatant grab for big bucks. Disney ran out of ideas, turned to make their rides into movies and got lucky. Big whoop. “Dead Man’s Chest” is fun, though, and I can’t sweat them for that. Verbinski’s direction is on par as usual, and “Dead Man’s Chest” is a gorgeous epic, with some of the better action scenes that trump the original’s.
Jackass: Number Two (2006)
Bam: I’d rather rip my dick off and throw it in the river, than do that again.
It’s no big new flash, and not a shock that “Jackass” and everything about it, has never been a favorite of mine. I despised the show, despise the talentless asses involved in it, and I loathed the first film. Say whatever you want about me, but I just don’t get what the appeal is about this series. I’m curious when stupid chic became so popular, and why “Jackass” is consistently popular. I just don’t get it, I admit that. But then again, “Jackass: Number Two” had me near tears the entire time. Shocked? You know you are. Close your mouth and keep reading.
Howl's Moving Castle (Hauru no ugoku shiro) (2004)
“Howl’s Moving Castle” is probably one of the weaker entries from Miyazaki. Miyazaki’s films have one thing for them that you can not deny. Originality. “Howl’s Moving Castle” is original, and it’s brutally entertaining, and that’s why I enjoyed this very much. Sure, I was watching the American dubbing (accidental, give me a break), but “Howl’s Moving Castle” possesses more unique fantasy elements and plot progression that really kept me in awe constantly. A scarecrow that follows our heroine like a lovesick dog? An old dog that weighs a ton? A little boy who masquerades as an old man? And a heroine who turns into an elderly woman sporadically? You take a look at Miyazaki’s universe and you’re nothing short of breath taken the entire time.
The All New Superfriends Hour: Season One, Volume One (DVD)
Form of Sexy Hispanic!
Shape of Comic Fan Boy!
I loved “Superfriends.” It cashed in on the Scooby-Doo franchise by giving us two human teen characters and an annoying dog, and also introduced some of the stupidest superheroes of all time like Apache Chief, and the Wonder Twins. Ah, the Wonder Twins, a product of the disco era with a bit of “Xanadu” and pure retardation thrown in for good measure.
Evan Almighty (2007)
It’s typical of Hollywood. You take probably the only entertaining aspect of the last Jim Carrey movie that was basically thinly veiled religious propaganda about the pressures of being God, and how much people depend on you, and you expand upon it until it stops becoming funny, and then pretty much just run it into the ground with even more blatant religious propaganda and preaching than the first installment. Steve Carrell plays Evan Baxter, the obligatory antagonist from “Bruce Almighty” who is now a US Congressman. As he moves his family to Washington, and discovers his congress duties are interfering with activities with his needy wife and spoiled children, God comes knocking at his door forcing him to build him an arc. What happens if Evan refuses? Well, God pesters, and annoys, and the pretty much just frightens him at every turn with his insurmountable power. That’s God for you. Do what he says or you die.