Cockneys vs. Zombies (2013)

C1xW9rDWhile we may not have a “Shaun of the Dead” sequel, I like to think of “Cockneys vs. Zombies” as the equally funny, and engaging story that occurred during Shaun’s trek to save his girlfriend. This time around, a construction crew accidentally unearths a mysterious tomb filled with corpses and skulls. When the workers are killed by the still re-animated denizens of the tombs, a zombie plague begins to spread across the East Side of London.

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Bullified (2013)

The short drama thriller “Bullified” as directed by Steve Sage Goldberg  gets in to the inescapable pit of the question “Why?” I kept asking why through most of “Bullified” and when I was finished I wasn’t quite satisified. Surely “Bullified” has potential. With some nipping and tucking and tightening of logic, “Bullified” could be a very good thriller with a moral, but as it is, it’s neither here nor there in its intent.

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Hick (2011)

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If anything, “Hick” certainly is a movie. And it’s an adaptation of a book, so it’s a special kind of a movie. It has a beginning, a pretty good soundtrack, and some end credits. And our director pretty much loves to feature prepubescent actress Chloe Moretz barely naked for much of the film. But that’s okay, because her character Lulli is so lovable spending so much time drawing pictures, talking to herself, and acting out her favorite movies that we can forgive the fact that she walks around her house in frilly panties and a tank top, even when men she’s never met visit for the first time. Is she just naive or is she trying to seduce men? I never quite figured it out and neither did the writer, apparently.

Lulli is supposed to be this lovable little nymph who spends most of her days in her fantasy world, narrating her life story to herself (?) and then trying to figure out why her life sucks so much. She has her thirteenth birthday party in a bar where her parents get drunk and try to fight over her. She’s given a gun by her uncle and spends most of her time playing with it and imitating “Taxi Driver” in front of a mirror. Her parents let her keep the gun. Because they’re hicks. Get it? As for Lulli she goes on a coming of age journey that will change her life. Or alter it. In fact, let’s just be honest here. She learns nothing by the time the film ends. The basic bullet point of the movie is that Lulli ventures out to go to Las Vegas, meets an assortment of demented and violent characters along the way, figures out the world is one big scary place, and decides that maybe living life with two drunk dysfunctional parents using her in their ever lasting bitter battle isn’t so bad.

Hell in reality, Lulli would opt to swallow her gun. Or at least enter in to child services. But no, she goes home because, there’s no place like a broken home. The screenwriters can never seem to make up their minds about our protagonist Lulli. Sometimes she seems street smart, and then she seems too stupid to travel outside her door, let alone Las Vegas. Is she a Lolita or is she just naive? Does she know how good looking she is, or is she oblivious because her mom soaks up the attention from men? Is she more street smart than the audience is aware of or is she just a misguided dunce living by what she’s seen in the movies? Is she a tease or just someone who hasn’t yet realized the effect she has on men? Who does she spend her time talking to during the opening of the movie? “Hick” never seems to know thus the movie is painfully confused nine times out of ten. For all intents and purposes, the cast is pretty damn great with Moretz more than able to hold up the movie on her charisma and acting ability.

The most interesting sub-plot though belongs to Eddie Redmayne’s character Eddie Kreezer, a disabled cowboy with a penchant for violent outbursts who is constantly kicked around in his life and chooses to look after Lulli when the pair form an uneasy bond. Much of “Hick” is confusing and downright distracting as the writer can never decide on a tone to keep audiences invested. The story varies from drama to comedy to road film, and spends an enormous amount of time on broken characters to help emphasize how broken the whole world is. By the time Lulli awakens strapped to a bed, you’ll wonder if it’s leading to anything remotely meaningful. “Hick” has clear potential to be a compelling adult coming of age drama, but in the end it’s just a notch above dismal. Even with the star power.

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Only God Forgives (2013)

Director Nicholas Winding Refn completely blew me away with his 2011 crime thriller “Drive.” It was a cerebral and stylish picture about redemption and atoning for our sins. “Only God Forgives” is that perfect film for cinematic enthusiasts looking for the right experimental movie to dip their toes in to. While Nicholas Winding Refn had every reason to follow “Drive” up with something equally mainstream, “Only God Forgives” goes beyond expectations.

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Beware the Batman

No longer just a channel that plays cartoons non-stop, the Cartoon Network here in America now only really airs series that make returns on their investments. When not buying cheap animated shows from Canada, the Cartoon Network looks for shows that will garner profits from merchandise only. After their entertaining “Green Lantern” series and the critically acclaimed “Young Justice” failed to show a profit, the Network cancelled both series and replaced them with two substitutes guaranteed to make money. The first was a watered down version of their aught hit “Teen Titans,” and the next is yet another animated series starring Batman.

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Springbreakers (2013)

I was really worried that director Harmony Korine would reach the lower depths of Larry Clarke levels of exploitation with his dramatic crime thriller “Spring Breakers.” But thankfully, while “Spring Breakers” is often exploitative and completely gratuitous, it succeeds in also exploring the recklessness of youth, and the ticking clock that will inevitably catch up to four young women convinced they have life in their hands, that will more than likely blow up in their faces.

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Pulse-Pounding Flicks – 8 Intense Features (DVD)

The Pulse Pounding Features from Mill Creek Entertainment offers up an eight movie set for the respective action buff looking to save a few bucks. This set features the extended cut of “The Replacement Killers” starring Mira Sorvnio and Chow Yun Fat as a retired hitman looking to flee to his home in China who is then hunted by other assassins.

“Truth or Consequences N.M.” stars Keifer Sutherland as a hostage kidnapped by four drug dealers who gains a fascination for their crime spree and begins putting his family in danger. “Love Lies Bleeding” centers on a down on their luck couple that stumble upon a load of cash after a violent shoot out in their building. When they flee with the money, they’re hunted by a crooked DEA Agent, and a detective intent on seizing the money for authorities.

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