Son of the Mask (2005)

Posted on December 26, 2005 by Felix Vasquez

I kind of liked “The Mask”. I mean granted, it’s weak, but it’s fun, and for some odd reason we have the sequel and we’re forced to lay our eyes on: “Son of the Mask” based on the compiled works of Arthur Miller–just kidding. Yeah, you can pretty much guess where this lame-brained sequel is going, but I’ll spell it out for you because this plot is extremely esoteric. Yeah, I’m laughing too. Hey, I’m a big movie snob, and I admit it, but this goes beyond snobbery, this film (I use the term loosely) speaks to your common sense.

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Pooh's Heffalump Movie (2005)

Posted on December 17, 2005 by Felix Vasquez

I find it’s very hard to display any sense of malice or distaste for something like “Pooh’s Heffalump Movie” which is so harmless and adorable in its presentation with simple animation and such an uncomplicated story. It’s the closest thing to quality for me that Disney’s created in years. Disney’s creativity and imagination has all but diminished over the years, except for when it applied to “Winnie the Pooh” and its many spin-offs. Though Christopher Robin is all but MIA in this film (appearing in the credits briefly), “Pooh’s Heffalump Movie” is still a very entertaining and guilt-free story about friendship that often echoes “The Fox and the Hound” except less heartbreaking.

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Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

Posted on December 12, 2005 by Felix Vasquez

Believe it or not, I was hopeful for the remake of “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”. While I was never a fan of Tim Burton (I’ve always considered him over rated), I was hoping Burton’s take on the story would be entertaining and very amusing, but alas, Burton botches yet another remake. For those whom may not remember, Burton completely botched the remake of “Planet of the Apes” which went from a thought provoking allegory about society to a dumbed down teen science fiction film. Now, granted, I did give it a good review, it was based mostly on the cast and make up.

Either way, don’t believe the excuses of the hardcore Burton fan boys, this is a remake in every sense of the word, but Burton goes in the hall of fame of directors whom just couldn’t top the original masterpiece.

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Elektra (2005)

Posted on December 3, 2005 by Felix Vasquez

Going in to pissed off fan boy mode in 3, 2, 1: So, here’s a history lesson in case you wanted it or not. Elektra, pre-Hollywoodization, was a beautiful but incredibly vicious warrior. She had depth, and personality and humanity, and was forced to turn against her beliefs when Bullseye, the psychotic killer murdered her beloved father in front of her eyes. Elektra blamed Daredevil for not helping when he could have and trained with the Hand to become a warrior. She returned to stalk Daredevil and fell in love with him. She was killed at the hands of Bullseye and returned as an undead warrior, more vicious than ever. All of this made possible by Frank Miller.

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Fantastic Four (2005)

Posted on December 3, 2005 by Felix Vasquez

In spite of what many, many others think, I kind of like the original “Fantastic Four” directed by Roger Corman. It’s pretty damn bad, but for entertainment value, it’s so bad it’s good. Well, this new adaptation is basically in the same boat. It’s so poor quality it works only as a guilty pleasure. Word to wise, some times some comic book series shouldn’t be made in to movies, because it will be lost in the translation. Example one. Face it, while “Fantastic Four” was good on the page, you have to take in to consideration that film is extremely literal. And sometimes this type of material just shouldn’t be put to the page. What I found pretty humorous was that during the release, the producers made is perfectly clear, “This is not The Incredibles” over and over to crowds comparing the two.

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National Treasure (2004)

Posted on November 27, 2005 by Felix Vasquez

Colossal best-seller (and I can say colossal when it’s number one for nearly two-hundred weeks) “The Davinci Code” is going to experience the “adapted to the big screen” treatment in a little under a year, and the much anticipated adaptation has drawn much expectations from its hardcore following. But leave it to Disney to rip from its innards and offer up their own generic carbon copy. One major vitriol I had from the release that many critics haven’t exactly touched on was that “National Treasure” is an antecedent as a concept. Never have I seen such a blatant, and shameless rip-off of “The Davinci Code” before, but this is Disney for you. Rather then licking their wounds, they invented an American version of the same story.

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Vampires: The Turning (2005)

Posted on November 24, 2005 by Felix Vasquez

Trilogies are perhaps the most unusual presence in filmmaking because there’s rarely ever a chance that all three films within the triangle will be good. Take for example the “Vampires” trilogy which I can imagine that the producers asked to add the moniker of “Vampires” to the film to make it a trilogy. But in any case it’s a trilogy and a sad one at that. “The Turning” ends up becoming more stupid than actually awful, and I’ve always thought series were supposed to lengthen the story, and not shy away from it. “Vampires” originally made by Carpenter was a very strong vampire film, then there was “Los Muertos” which was a really bad (A vampire munching on a man’s genitals? Please) but enjoyable bit of vampire fodder, and then there’s… this.

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