Tag Archives: Mystery

The Lost Boys (1987)

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It’s pretty rare for a horror comedy to be so very funny while also serving up a genuine sense of terror with every laugh. Though the comedy does intend to spark raucous chuckles, most of it is based around the uneasiness of the situations present. The final showdown in the finale is hilarious, but only because our characters are in such severe danger and are at risk of being torn apart if they don’t step lively. “The Lost Boys” is a flawless vampire film that is so steeped in the eighties, and still manages to retain the timelessness just the same. It’s about two brothers being pulled in opposite sides of the war against good and evil, and their accidental introduction to a city that’s the stomping ground for a clan of century old vampires.

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Murder University (2012) (DVD)

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MurderUniversityIt’s surprising and awkward that “Murder University” seems to feel like two really different movies. It almost feels like director Richard Griffin almost wanted to make a dark comedy about a loser in college, set to a pseudo-eighties vibe. And then somewhere along the line, director Griffin—or someone—had the bright idea to transform the entire narrative in to long in the tooth slasher about cults, devil masks, and a painfully stupid police officer. I mean, you can’t help but feeling like the horror was tacked on, when the actual horror element of the narrative takes twenty five minutes to be introduced.

Nothing about the movie is focused or completely developed, and most of the sub-plots are either half developed, or end on an abrupt note. I’d love to know why director Richard Griffin just completely abandons the film in the beginning and just runs on auto-pilot with an inconsistent film. There’s an opening that somewhat establishes the fact that we’re not only entering a horror film, but one with a ton of back story. Then there’s the really groovy theme song seemingly pulled out of the eighties. How does a movie with its own theme song a la the 1980’s suddenly feel so generic? Even the title could really jump off the screen, but is instead turned in to nothing but a stock summary of what the narrative entails. It’s a slasher set in a college. That’s about it.

It’s not enough to build a semblance of an eighties motif, along with a theme song, you really have to carry it until the end of the film, and Griffin can’t seem to figure out how to exploit the aesthetic for a nostalgic slasher film. Thus the movie seems to love the eighties, but damned if it ever feels like we’re actually in the decade. When the eighties devices are quickly abandoned, “Murder University” devotes itself to being a pretty stock college dramedy with a slasher backdrop. For reasons I can’t ever figure out, Josh is a new student at Greensboro College who happens to be beaten and picked on by just about everyone. Even during a wet T shirt competition, he’s beaten up by the boyfriend of a contestant despite everyone in the audience ogling said woman.

The whys of being such a perpetual punching bag only seem to be included to move the story along. Conveniently Josh ends up at a college that happens to be the grounds for a series of ritual axe murders, and no one seems to be interested in evacuating the grounds, or staging police officers in various parts of the campus. After a run in with the murderers, Josh survives and agrees to team up with a detective and his pretty daughter to infiltrate the campus and draw out the killers. The hows and whys of this plan are never fully verified, but not much of “Murder University” makes a lot of sense. For all intents and purposes, Jamie Dufault is entertaining as character Josh, director Griffin just can never muster any kind of tension or suspense.

The editing leaves much to be desired, the performances are abysmal, and the axe murders so shoddily staged, they’re distracting. At one point, an innocent bystander gets her head chopped off as the killer obviously just taps a really bad mannequin double prompting the fake head to plop to the floor. In the end, “Murder University” is a forgettable sub-genre hybrid with nowhere to go with the actual sub-genres.

Abbott and Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1953)

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It’s pretty crummy that Abbott and Costello don’t get to do much with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. In fact you have them in a movie with Boris Karloff who doesn’t get to do much to spook them beyond his monster mask, and you have the pair of knuckleheads that almost play second banana in their own movie. In fact, they don’t really show up until twenty minutes in to the movie, and their entrance smacks of sloppiness and lack of ideas. The pair should have memorable introductions, and yet here their characters Tubby and Slim are only in the story by circumstance.

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Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer, Boris Karloff (1949)

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In this follow up to “Meet Frankenstein,” Abbott and Costello don’t so much meet Boris Karloff, as they do a character Karloff plays named Swami Talpur. I still think the potential for Abbott and Costello meeting Karloff is potential never realized, and that’s pretty sad. Karloff only plays a side character, and appears for a few scenes, including an extended bit with character Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello) that’s still hilarious, at least. You don’t often see someone’s sheer idiocy save their lives, but you have to love how Freddie avoids all forms of vicious death by his slow wittedness.

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Monster of the Nudist Colony (2013)

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MoNCCan you really call it a nudist colony if it’s comprised of eight people total? I was never quite sure, but I wish nudist colonies actually looked like this. Based on documentaries I’ve seen about nudist colonies, it’s not all comprised of people like Lexi Belle bouncing around and scampering like a pixie. And I’d wager it’s not filled with hedonistic orgies and drunken parties. But I guess that’s the fun of “Monster of the Nudist Colony.” Everything about it is so ridiculous that it comprises a surreal and amusing experience. At the seemingly deserted Circle Double D’s Nudist Colony, a monstrous ape begins wreaking havoc on the residents, rushing out from the woods to terrorize them mid-coitus and little else.

The ape is also collecting the gorgeous women from the Colony for its own nefarious purposes, too. Like making them dance for him. This oddly enough gets back to detective Arch Hammer, who is investigating the ape attacks, and celebrates the case by diddling his gorgeous wife, as played by Melissa Jacobs. Now they plan to go undercover as nudists to investigate, and sleep with just about every resident in the colony. Considering there’s only under a dozen people staying in this luxurious ranch, that’s not much of a task.

Two my favorite aspects of “Monster of the Nudist Colony” is the viciously bad acting, and the deliriously laughable soundtrack. Comprised of soft jazz and oddly self aware rock music, Robbie Breastnut composes much of the hilarious soundtrack that plays over the softcore sex scenes. It’s worth keeping the sound up if only to hear the ridiculous lyrics and wonder if she’s in on the joke, or is actually serious with this soundtrack. Breastnut even appears as a local officer who does nothing but lounge around in a skimpy police uniform and come very close to blowing her own brains out. As for the acting, there isn’t a single competent performance in the group.

Considering this is mainly just a movie for the gorgeous women to strip and grope one another in tame girl on girl, I doubt acting was a big requirement. Nevertheless the furiously bad acting provides the most laughter. You have to see the random girl on girl mid-way where performer Hannah Reilly literally struggles to get through her scenes and finish her lines without tripping up. I’ll place money it took at least ten takes to finish her portion. “Monster of the Nudist Colony” is a trippy bit of softcore soft horror, and is worth watching for the self-awareness brought to the horrific production quality and sheer non-existent plot. Plus, you can’t hate anything featuring Lexi Belle too much.

Hard to Die (1990)

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hardtodie1990What Jim Wynorski’s “Hard to Die” has in common with “Die Hard” is that it features a high rise. And that’s about it. But I don’t blame it for being so shameless in exploiting the aforementioned action film, when “Hard to Die” is purposely exploitative and shameless to begin with. 1990’s “Hard to Die” also known as “Tower of Terror” and “Sorority House Massacre 3” is seventy minutes (Well if you cut out the montage from “Slumber Party Massacre,” the film is a cool hour) of goofy ridiculous fun intended to mock the horror genre at every turn. It’s a horror movie, a comedy, a slasher, a demon possession film, and a softcore porn romp all in one. And damn it, it’s still a lot of fun.

There’s really not much to say about “Hard to Die” except that its narrative is nothing but a hodge podge of plot elements mashed together for the sole purpose of featuring our buxom cast run around in lingerie. A group of gorgeous busty women working in a lingerie shop have to pull an all nighter sorting out stock for their sleazy boss. They’re also easily startled by the building janitor Orville, as played by Peter Spellos. He survived the previous confrontations from the past “Sorority House Massacre” movies and is still suspected of murdering the poor girls. Deciding to pass the time, they put on lingerie and scamper around, all the while taking showers together, bouncing and jiggling and making pretty funny jokes that reference previous scenes.

When a pizza delivery girl is called up to the building through the elevator, the mysterious killer of the movie sets her ablaze. Cut to one of the characters moaning “Where’s the girl with the food already? It’ll be char broiled when she gets here.” Yes, it’s that kind of movie. While “Hard to Die” is a loose sequel it’s also very much a horror comedy that spoofs all of the eighties film tropes, right down to the action flicks. Suffice it to say if that isn’t enough, the girls accidentally receive a package in the form of a locked box that unleashes a demonic spirit. When released, the murdering begins as someone is knocking off the buxom troop. Could it be Orville? Or could it be someone entirely unexpected?

For a movie that doesn’t require much in the way of acting ability, the cast of gorgeous women pull off their performances well, and Peter Spellos is very good as the enigmatic Orville. “Hard to Die” has a narrative that’s just absolute nonsense, but I enjoy how it seems aware of that, and uses it to deliver a hilarious and entertaining horror comedy. When the girls happen upon a gun store in their high rise, and one of the characters justifies being able to inexplicably handle a machine gun like a pro by declaring “My dad was a marine!” you just have to laugh and enjoy the ride.

Frankenstein’s Army (2013)

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frankensteinsarmyI’ve never gone in to a movie wanting to love it so much and come out of it feeling so utterly disappointed. Except maybe “Cabin Fever.” In either case, I wanted to love “Frankenstein’s Army” if only for its interesting tale of a Russian squad going in to battle and finding a madman scientist using soldiers to form his own army of decrepit freaks. Normally I’m a big fan of the found footage sub-genre as well, but once I realized “Frankenstein’s Army” was found footage, it threw me out of the narrative almost immediately. I can see the found footage formula working in the age of digital camera, and digital camcorders, and cell phone videos. I can even see it working in the nineties with VHS camcorders, but to have us believe there’s a found footage movie set during World War II is immensely absurd, and just downright desperate.

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