Alexandre Aja’s latest remake feels so utterly lazy and muddled and idiotic that it seems like the studio just threw a few million dollars his way and asked him to just throw as much blood and guts to the screen as humanly possible. And I imagine it was the easiest payday this man ever saw. From minute one Aja’s film wants to be taken on so many levels. It wants to be a political commentary, a schlock cult film, and a satire of schlock films, it doesn’t take itself seriously, but it depicts violence so realistically.
Tag Archives: Remake
A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010): DVD/Blu-Ray Combo Pack
While scouring reviews for “Nightmare,” I read a comment online that suggested the reason why Samuel Bayer’s absolutely lethargic lazy remake of the horror classic is so bad is because he wasn’t recruited by Platinum Dunes to re-imagine this world, but to simply lens it for them. And that’s an apt observation when you’ve managed to sit down and actually watch Platinum Dunes latest cinematic slap to the face of movie goers and horror lovers everywhere. “A Nightmare on Elm Street” 2010 is possibly one of the worst remakes of all time, it’s a lazy, unimaginative, nonsensical, and absolutely tedious piece of hogwash that doesn’t try to do anything new with the material before it, nor does it re- invent much, but instead merely goes through the motions as a routine horror affair focused on squeezing in as much shocks as possible and moving on to the next scene.
V: The Complete First Season (DVD)
When I saw “V” for the first time in 2003, it was a refreshing experience. I watched them recorded on VHS tapes from my uncle who insisted I see the first mini-series and then its sequel, but avoid the spin-off TV show entirely. And I did so, accordingly. “V” is famous not just because it’s an epic science fiction mini-series from the late seventies but because it’s one of the most intelligent and relevant science fiction series of all time that is much more about aliens taking over the world. What seems like just a struggle of two races trying to live side by side after a visit from a massive army of human-like visitors from space actually becomes a very thought provoking metaphor for the Nazi regime and their occupation of new territory that inevitably turned in to an all out invasion and war.
The aliens who are declaring to be our friends at first soon become our mortal enemies, while the remaining humans who catch on to their ruse are soon symbols of the Jewish culture who resisted their invasions and were either murdered in mass numbers or taken prisoner. The show was such a brilliant take on world history even down to its trademark love became V for Visitors, then V signifying a peace sign, and soon took on a life as the Visitors own swastikas.
The Crazies (2010)
Breck Eisner’s high tension remake of the practically obscure George Romero horror film is much less biological horror film and much more Southern fried “28 Days Later,” with a small town being taken siege by an ambiguous and horrifying infection that turns people in to crazy people. What makes “The Crazies” such an entertaining slice of horror escapism is that it’s about as politically important as the “Dawn” remake was, but still manages to make an impression by being an awfully uneasy horror thriller. The disease that feeds upon the seemingly mild mannered people of Ogden Marsh is spontaneous, confusing, and almost completely unexplained. We never get a full idea of what the disease entails and when it can start to show signs and this allows for two elements among the story. It guarantees the element of surprise and mystery, while also allowing the writers to pop monsters up whenever they please chalking it up to the erratic effects of this disease.
Our Favorite Modern Final Girls
Today’s Final Girls are much more than just virginal screaming crying women who run through the woods and fall to the ground waiting for the killer or monster to eat them whole while their men come to the rescue. Today’s final girls have to be tough, they have to be independent, and surely enough they have to be fierce, and the final girl has been refined over the years from the prey to the predator. Some of our favorite modern final girls we’re putting in this list are women we considered listing as scream queens, but while they do fit the mold of scream queens, they do much more than just scream and run. They fight back, they cause trouble, and surely enough they kick enormous amounts of ass, regardless of whether they live to see the end of the movie. The title of final girl was once just a tagline to best describe the final female character of the horror movie that ended up either living to see the end until a grizzly fate, or fight back enough to see a few sequels until the writers got sick of her and moved on to someone younger.
Folks like Heather Langenkamp, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Adrienne King made famous the device which was then refined and re-worked with Sigourney Weaver in “Alien” who was very much a final girl but did much more than run away from the monster screaming and crying. Women like Debbie Rochon turned the formula from there on in and especially Wes Craven decided to turn the final girl in to something of a heroine as we saw in Neve Campbell, then Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Sarah Polley. These are only a few of the modern Final Girls you should be looking out for, and some you’ve likely grown to adore over the years, and we pay homage to the final girls of the new millennium adding a new dimension to what was once considered a laughable plot device for a horror film.
Final Girls and scream queens are not all meant for mainstream success. Like directors of the genre, they’re meant to be on the fringes of the cinema circle like Linnea Quigley and Debbie Rochon, always playing to the crowd and supplying a reason for the killer or evil menace to stomp around and seek victims in their warpaths. Modern Final Girls are much more than panty wastes. They’re heroines. They’re independence. And they fight back against the male dominant monster with as much gusto as possible. What with the affordability of filmmaking becoming easier and easier over the years and new directors popping up every minute to show us their chops, there’s a good chance we have many more scream queens and final girls waiting in the wings to show us their screeches and combat skills. These are only a few we avidly admire and root for.
The Wolfman (2010)
Universal’s “The Wolfman” has always been another of the great horror movies that fans have secretly wanted to see remade for the modern era but only for morbid curiosity. We’re a fickle bunch, but the fact is that “The Wolfman” has been a long time coming mainly because we’ve seen countless adaptations of Universals banner monsters but never the Wolfman. We came close with the stellar “Wolf,” but that wasn’t an actual remake. Joe Johnston creates what I can define as a rather above par remake, one that really pays respect to the classic monster movies and horror movie tropes while also cutting its own path in to the mythos. While I’ll agree with many that the movie isn’t a masterpiece, it certainly is a cut above all the rest of the remakes in the market and dabbles in excellence more often than not.
Rings (2005)
You can find this online on video websites in parts, or if you’re one of my type of consumer, you likely bought this as a double DVD set with the re-release of “The Ring” (Still superior to the original), shortly put on store shelves before the release of the disastrous “The Ring 2.” For those who have yet to see it, “Rings” is only a short film that’s meant to bridge the gaps between parts one and two of the American series, but if you were one of the few to see it, you’ll know it’s ten times better than the actual feature length sequel featuring the still slumming Naomi Watts.