I consider myself a very mature man who knows how to restrain himself in terms of disagreeing with people. But to the people who found this to be a remotely good film, I must ask: Are you stupid or something? Is this what you define as entertainment? But, I digress. My apologies. With basically the same plot, we delve in the San Antonio Bay/Island where they’re preparing for their ceremony to pay respect to the town’s founders. Fog rolls in. People die. Ghosts return mighty pissed off. And the shit hits the fan. By shit, I mean this film. Who thought this remake would be a good idea? Not the concept of remaking it, but this script? I’ve never seen such sloppy writing before in my life. I can safely say, I can squeeze out a better version out of my ass, without hesitation, but hey, we’re not all working for Hollywood. So, what do the writers force feed through this manufactured screenplay?
Tag Archives: Remake
Four Brothers (2005)
I was surprised to discover how much I really enjoyed “Four Brothers.” Even for a remake. “Four Brothers” is a worthy successor to the original film, and with a dose of cheese every so often it really accomplishes the slight camp from the original film. What made it a more enjoyable experience is that Singleton and the writers turn this in to a modern western. Gladly, this is a modern western in every sense of the word with some great elements from the genre, and some of Singleton’s style thrown in for good measure. Like a cowboy on horseback, Wahlberg’s character Bobby makes his entrance in to the inner-city of Detroit with old school soul playing in the background. Wahlberg becomes the basic drive here (the replacement for John Wayne) who enters back in to his stomping grounds from a life of business to mourn the loss of his foster mother who was killed viciously in a store robbery.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
Believe it or not, I was hopeful for the remake of “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”. While I was never a fan of Tim Burton (I’ve always considered him over rated), I was hoping Burton’s take on the story would be entertaining and very amusing, but alas, Burton botches yet another remake. For those whom may not remember, Burton completely botched the remake of “Planet of the Apes” which went from a thought provoking allegory about society to a dumbed down teen science fiction film. Now, granted, I did give it a good review, it was based mostly on the cast and make up.
Either way, don’t believe the excuses of the hardcore Burton fan boys, this is a remake in every sense of the word, but Burton goes in the hall of fame of directors whom just couldn’t top the original masterpiece.
House of Wax (2005)
I found myself occasionally chuckling during the film, and the reason was because I could almost practically hear the one-minded logic that would surface when its target audience attempted to explain its endearment for this basically forgettable remake. The typical target audience will ultimately like this better than any of the other versions because: “Oh my god, Chad Michael Murray is like so totally hot”, or “Damn, Elisha Cuthbert is so totally hot and awesome”. Either way, are you at all surprised that I didn’t like this remake very much? I wanted to be surprised by this, but in the end I wasn’t, and I was given exactly what I expected: yet another WB star laden remake that was more concerned with touting stars of hit shows than actually casting real actors. Get with the program people! These are vehicles, not movies, these are promotional tools, not films, these are publicity programs, not a horror movie! These are fillers for resumes, not roles!
Into the Blue (2005)
A group of barge sailors accidentally find buried treasure on the ocean floor and come across deadly pirates. Peter Benchley’s “The Deep”? No you fool, this parade of good looking people and much ridiculousness is called “Into the Blue”, yet another remake. Take the old time storytelling devices and implement the sentiment of today’s culture by juicing it up with a cast full of pretty people with no particular acting ability. If “Into the Blue” is any indicator, the producers were more compelled to flash us than provide a story that wasn’t contrived or incredibly far-fetched. Two young people who should be models are poor in a trailer and go deep sea diving for sunken barges for cash; a plane crashes, and they discover a butt load of cocaine but cross some fierce mobsters and pirates on the way to staking their claims.
Comparing "The Haunting" 1963 and 1999: The Superior and the Inferior
There’s that old term that sometimes less is more. Filmmakers subscribe to that theory–well some filmmakers, I mean Michael Bay never met a special effect he didn’t like, and of course there’s porn, but back in the golden age, less was more. With the flick of an eyebrow Greta Garbo made men swoon, with the revealing seductive smile and the flash of a shoulder Rita Hayworth made men literally shiver in their seats. Back then, less was more, and more times than none, back in the golden age of film, many filmmakers thought that less was more. I’m for that theory that sometimes our imagination can do more than an actual picture can do, because nothing can match our own sick imaginations. These days in horror films it’s hard to find a film that subscribes to that theory, let alone be able to exercise it and pull it off.
Assault on Precinct 13 (2005)
