Carrie (1976)

Carrie-Movie-Poster

Upon first glance, you’d think Brian DePalma directing a Stephen King Adaptation would be something disastrous. DePalma has spent most of his early career emulating Hitchcock, and delivering cerebral gems like “Sisters.” It’s a treat though that he ends up becoming one of the most crucial elements of “Carrie” and its adaptation. Because what the director can’t convey through special effects, he conveys through some amazing camera work and editing that still wows me to this day. “Carrie” is easily one of the best horror films, and revenge films ever made. It’s a brilliantly cast and deeply tragic story of a girl whose powers became the judgment day for many cruel individuals who preyed on the innocent.

Continue reading

The Bates Haunting (2012)

bates

I’m sure Byron Turk thought the Bates Motel and Haunted Hayride was amazing, so setting a horror film in and around it would be amazing. It wasn’t. It was also likely going to be a good opportunity to promote the ride. Originally titled “Welcome to the Bates Motel,” the movie gives audiences the impression it has something to do with “Psycho,” when it really doesn’t. The owner of the haunted hayride is named Randy Bates, but that’s as far as it goes. Really, the only reason you’d be interested in seeing this is if you’re a “Jackass” fan. Bam Margera has a five second cameo for a commercial for the attraction, while the late hilarious Ryan Dunn plays an angry customer ordering a pizza. Beyond that, the tagline for the film “Some Things are Best Left Alone” should serve as instructions for anyone looking to rent this title.

Continue reading

Blade (1998)

96965-71107-blade

Though the media often cites Bryan Singer for starting the comic book movie boom of the twenty first century with his adaptation of “X-Men,” most comic book fans argue that “Blade” really started it all. “Blade” was a scaled down production based on a popular comic book character and managed to present an epic story with a minimal budget. It’s ironic that the character that would restart the comic book movie boom was a kitschy seventies horror character known primarily for being one of the few minority superheroes in the Marvel Universe. The adaptation of the Marv Wolfman character manages to get the character just right.

Continue reading

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark [Paperback]

o-SCARY-STORIES

“The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out. The worms play pinochle on your snout.”

When I was in fourth grade, my school had their yearly book fair. It was a time where kids could go to a large class room where Scholastic Books would litter the entire room with their merchandise for prices ranging anywhere from 25 cents to ten dollars. Of course when I spotted “Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark,” I snatched it up and re-read it at least five times. Which is saying something for a kid who, at that age, took every possible excuse to not read. Alvin Schwartz’s book is one of the first introductions to horror and urban folklore. And judging by the many other nineties kids, Mr. Schwartz’s book was a source of horrific inspiration for them, as well.

Continue reading

Bloody Homecoming (2012) (DVD)

BH

Yet another iteration of “Slaughter High,” director Brian C. Weed’s revenge horror film attempts to be a sanctimonious message about bullying all the while lulling its audience to sleep with an illogical and goofy film about revenge and the past coming back to haunt some classmates. My only fear is the memory of this movie coming back to haunt my nightmares.

Continue reading

Memoirs of a Gay Porn Critic

I’m a gay porn critic.

No, not really. I’m not gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I used to review porn, but that’s beside the point.

A long time ago I got in to a bit of a verbal war with their Asylum Entertainment’s most noted director who engaged in a back and forth with me for a long time, and even took exception to my bashing of his films on a major independent film website. Often I spent my days on another message board on my online haunts discussing the terrible movies coming from the Asylum, and often times I was inundated with attacks from people in the studios.

Continue reading

The Fugitive (1993) [Blu-Ray]

fugitiveIn a decade where Hollywood was adapting literally every classic show from the sixties, regardless of the format, it’s still surprising they not only got the formula right for “The Fugitive” but turned it in to an Oscar Caliber thriller. Twenty years later, “The Fugitive” is still a tense and gripping adaptation that’s set the template for many future on the run films. Harrison Ford is no stranger to films where he’s put at wit’s end by an unforeseen circumstance, but as Richard Kimble, the casting is brilliant.

Continue reading