I really don’t care that Ed Neumeier is behind this. I applaud his history with science fiction cinema and Robocop, but as a sequel and standalone film “Starship Troopers 3” is a terrible film. The satire I can often stomach since it was so much apart of the original film, but the fact that the satire is much too obvious to even call it respectable satire is just much too clumsy at times. “Marauder” is that film in the series many fans were anxious to watch mainly because it’s much more loyal to the novel, but that doesn’t entirely promise entertainment.
Tag Archives: S
She's Crushed (2009)
Director Patrick Johnson’s horror thriller wants to be an amalgam of “Fatal Attraction” and Takashi Miike’s “Audition,” and while both ambitions are admirable, neither of those classics rise to the surface to add entertainment value to “She’s Crushed.” While Natalie Dickinson is infinitely sexier than Glenn Close, “She’s Crushed” is never quite sure what to do with itself nor is it clear which character we’re supposed to be following. At times we’re told the entire ordeal is Ray’s where he’s forced to deal with alcoholism and memories of his days serving in the military, all the while coping with a new neighbor who gets the idea Patrick may be in love with her after a torrid one night stand. Apparently Ray didn’t receive the all too important memo that women can get that impression.
Suicide Girls Must Die! (2010)
I think deep down Sawa Suicide just assumed that horror fans alike would universally embrace “Suicide Girls Must Die” for the simple fact that it’s a horror movie with a lot of hot girls from the actual website. Granted, I am a huge fan of the Suicide Girls (seriously, these women are insanely beautiful) but just because something is even slightly popular, it doesn’t mean it warrants a movie. And you can hide all of the flaws and cheese behind the fact that it’s a horror film, but even so. The fact that anyone assumed this would be even the least bit entertaining is beyond me and displays a bit of hubris in the notion that the Suicide Girls attachment would mean rave reviews.
Sleepwalking (2008)
Director William Maher’s drama is not so much a story about Anna Sophia Robb’s character nor is it particularly about Charlize Theron, but a story about Nick Stahl’s protagonist James. Beaten down by life to the point where he is perpetually inept and in a funk, James is a man who gets through life as much as possible by soaking in the bile life hands him with a casual shrug and enduring about as much from the people in his life as possible. He is so absolutely immune to personal pain and stress he is constantly mistaken as mentally disabled. He sadly has to deal with Joleen and Tara, his sister and niece, both of whom are consistently in the pits of life. Joleen is a reckless neglectful mom who relies on James too much to get her out of trouble while Tara is her petulant daughter forced to deal with her mom’s indiscretions. But when Joleen leaves one night, she never comes home and now James and Tara are left all alone.
Shutter Island (2010)
“Which would be worse, to live as a monster or to die as a good man?”
When I was finished with “Shutter Island,” I understood what director Martin Scorsese was pushing for in the area of a dark and complex journey of a man in to the bowels of a mysterious island. I understood that deep down Scorsese had an ambitious and admirable hunger to bring to us a modern “The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari,” but ultimately, his efforts fail to bring a work of art that’s grandiose but low key in its effort to make a commentary about the human soul and the psyche. While the character of Teddy Daniels ends up becoming a truly tragic and complex individual, the caveat with “Shutter Island” is that everything surrounding the character of Daniels ends up becoming rather lackluster and limp. Especially when the surprise twist is given away so easily in the original trailers.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
“That’s what you’re all becoming… Martianmallows.”
So the Martians of this piece have no idea what television is, despite watching it often. They have no idea what dolls are. They have no comprehension of the idea of tender loving care, but they’re fans of hamburgers and chocolate cake in pill form? How does that work? I have a feeling even with the notorious “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” being touted to children in its original release, the kids in the audience sat through about twenty minutes, and thought this experience would be much better with some acid at hand. It’s not so much that “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” is a bad movie, it’s that it’s so terribly put together and written that it ends up watching as a slow and painful death that you can’t help to look at with sheer disbelief.
Salt (2010)
I’m still trying to decide what about “Salt” annoyed me more, the goofy turn of events in the second half that had me gawking in sheer disbelief, or the insistence by the writers to include an ending that fades to black right in the middle of a big turn of events as if to leave a “To Be Continued” assuring audiences that there will be a sequel. Not only is this trend absolutely obnoxious (I pay to see whole movies, not parts of movies), but if there really is no sequel to “Salt” (god willing), then the entire closing scene is just a pointless wide open door left for us to presume what occurred after the writers decided we’d had enough story for now.