Monthly Archives: December 2006

The Roost (2004)

Posted on by

roostWhat are bats? Flying rats who shit on you while flying off. What is “The Roost”? A flying piece of shit. Same difference, don’t you think? Actually, when I finished “The Roost,” I think watching seventy minutes of stock footage with bats would have been much more thrilling than Ti West’s horror indie. I can just imagine the brain storming for this junk with West trying to sell it:

Producer: So, what’s it about?
West: Four people on the road…
Producer: Oh god.
West: Discover an abandoned farm house.
Producer: Oh geez.
West: Will you let me finish?
Producer: Fine.
West: They discover an abandoned farm house, and are attacked by ravenous bats!
Producer: Okay…?
West: And they flutter, and tear your face apart! Gah!
Continue reading →

The Ringer (2005)

Posted on by

the-ringer-2005--00I liked “The Ringer.” I liked it a lot. Because, in spite of the jack ass from “Jackass” starring, and the potential for a complete cheapening of the Special Olympics, every opportunity this film had to spit in our faces, it didn’t. The controversy behind this was pointless. Because, in spite of the previews, “The Ringer” really isn’t a cheap comedy. The mentally disabled pictured here are not comedy props for fart jokes, and they’re not caricatures, or objects to laugh at. I just didn’t understand the controversy behind “The Ringer.” Maybe it was bad press for the sake of hype, or perhaps just more morons making a fuss over a film they haven’t seen just yet, but when I was finished, I didn’t see the big deal. It’s not just some shitty comedy from Tom Green, and it didn’t warrant any sort of hype in the end.

Continue reading →

Pan’s Labyrinth (El Laberinto Del Fauno) (2006)

Posted on by

In a world filled with boy wizards, and dragons, every time I think the fantasy world is dead, there’s always someone who swoops in to reclaim the throne and show us that indeed the fantasy genre is still alive and well. All it needs is much imagination and no derivation. It’s not a hard concept to grasp, and it’s not a hard task to accomplish. Every time I receive an opposing argument on that declaration, two words will come from my lips: “Pan’s Labyrinth.” This would be the part where I’d compare this to fodder like “Legend,” and “Alice in Wonderland,” but Del Toro’s film is one of its own kind. Much like Del Toro’s previous “The Devil’s Backbone,” “Pan’s Labyrinth” is unlike anything you can imagine watching.

Continue reading →

Undead (2005)

Posted on by

undead-originalSmall town, hapless folks, average day, and a comet. All of which are the menu for a brutally satirical zombie film known by horror fans as “Undead.” The low budget Aussie production has become renowned among horror fans as one of the better zombie films to come around in years, and they’d be right. Aside from the masterpiece “Shaun of the Dead,” The Spierig Brother’s film manages to be both creepy, and utterly twisted a concept hard to accomplish with zombie fare now an utterly tired genre. What occurs in “Undead” is the typical, yet unpredictable. A bunch of comets crash in a small town, and now all the residents have become brain eating zombies—don’t you hate when that happens? Now, the remaining survivors, a bunch of officers, a model, a pregnant nurse, and a bayou hunter, have to find their way out and figure out how to stop the epidemic.

Continue reading →

The Quiet (2005)

Posted on by

25quie.2.600The whole concept behind “The Quiet” is that our main character Dot (subtle) is a deaf mute that lives among the upper class after her parents died. Dot is a deaf mute yet she still narrates every twenty minutes. This is not introversion of our main character stuck in a world she doesn’t want to be in, this is just an excuse to give Camilla Belle dialogue even though common sense would entail her character not speaking. It’s explained later that Dot could speak and hear once, but not anymore. Which is no excuse to give her narration. If you want us to believe this girl is now in a world where sound and communication can no longer exist, don’t undermine it with rambling narration.

Continue reading →

The Bourne Supremacy (2004)

Posted on by

“The Bourne identity” took me by surprise; it was certainly a most welcome surprise. “The Bourne identity” and “The Bourne Supremacy” are two different movies, and the Jason Bourne from both movies are different people. Now here, he’s no longer a man discovering his past, now he’s just a man struggling with it and the severity of his crimes and deeds he performed as Jason Bourne, he’s a ghost of the past struggling with his unforgiving demons of his past, and he’s a ghost who can not escape them no matter how hard he tries.

Continue reading →

Doogal (2006)

Posted on by

doogal-1

“Doogal” is basically representative of everything that’s wrong with CGI animation. Everyone is out to be as hip as possible and mimic the success of “Shrek,” that they lose touch with story, characterization, and plot elements the audience can enjoy. I always tend to give the animated films the benefit of the doubt and half the time I’m rewarded. “Doogal” was punishment. It has all the basic principles of a kid’s film but no idea how to get in touch with the heart animation should have. There’s the rabbit Jimmy Fallon singing “You Really Got Me,” and the leader of the land watching the landscape while “It’s Magic” blares in the background. By the time the eighteenth pop culture reference was spewed out in the first ten minutes, I was ready to pack it in.

Continue reading →