I am not ashamed to admit that not only is “Cobra” a child hood favorite of mine, but it’s a movie I still quite love, if only for its unique villain. When you take a pumped up anti-hero like Cobra, you have to give him someone to match, and George P. Cosmatos gives us a serial killer cult leader who plans to lead a New World Order of other serial killers. Their plan is to begin a new civilization by—um—killing a lot of people? I wasn’t quite sure what the big plan was. The muddled plan by the film’s villain is made up for by Brian Thompson who is just the ultimate bad guy on film. He’s creepy, menacing, and can deliver lines with his deep grunt that make him sound otherworldly. The best aspect of “Cobra” though is Sylvester Stallone who plays Marion “Cobra” Cobretti. How cool and convenient is that name?
Author Archives: Felix Vasquez
Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)
Where else but an Andy Sidaris film can you watch a movie involving drug smuggling gangster, a busty pair of Blonde mercenaries running around in short shorts, and a sub-plot involving a sneaky venomous snake prone to popping up in oddest places? And what’s more is that “Hard Ticket to Hawaii” is played with the utmost sincerity, as director Sidaris unfolds a movie that’s as deliciously bad as its theme song. If there’s any film that should act as an entry point for Andy Sidaris’ repertoire, “Hard Ticket to Hawaii” is a great summary of what Sidaris is capable of. “Hard Ticket…” is often silly and so utterly awful from acting to sound mixing, but it embraces its trappings by injecting as much softcore sex and nudity as humanly possible. Did I mention the sub-plot involving the killer snake (read: obvious hand puppet) that spends its time sneering through crevices and murdering random characters?
Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. (1990) [Blu-Ray]
Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz’s “Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.” is that kind of zany superhero spoof that, with some watering down, probably could have been a Warner Bros. cartoon in the nineties. After having such immense success with Toxie, Troma makes a second grab for cult fame, hoping to catch lightning in a bottle once again. Thankfully, not only is Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. one of Troma’s most iconic and popular characters who stands proudly beside Toxie, but his movie is good to boot. “Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.” is filled with the typical Troma tropes that make it such a blast. The acting is iffy, the violence is gruesome, the humor is off the wall and original, and the pacing is break neck.
Teen Titans: The Judas Contract (2017)
Sam Liu’s “The Judas Contract” is both a sequel to “Justice League vs. Teen Titans,” and an adaptation of perhaps one of the most iconic storylines in comic book history. And, I’ll just say it: The animated series of “Teen Titans” accomplished this storyline so much better. With “The Judas Contract” we’re given literally eighty four minutes to know, understand and empathize with the Teen Titans and perhaps feel a twinge of shock when they’re betrayed by a close ally. With the animated series, we were given so much more build up and time to understand the betrayal of Terra, as well as dodge all the creepy pedophilia overtones between villain Deathstroke and his assistant. The animated series allowed for a lot of build up and when Terra does make her descent in to the dark side it stings so much that even levelheaded Raven begins to shed a tear.
Stan Lee’s Lightspeed (2006)
It’s not that “Lightspeed” is pseudo-superhero junk; it’s that its pseudo-superhero junk that’s so painfully derivative, it’s boring to endure. Its ninety minutes of an origin story of two very uninteresting characters, both of whom are the resident hero and villain of said film, no less. The titular Lightspeed is just downright dull, even when the writers borrow (read: rip off) heavily from the lore of Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, and The Flash. With executive producer Stan Lee, the writers have license to rip off the aforementioned, I assume, but said elements are so poorly implemented that the movie itself is a chore. The derivative material wouldn’t be so bad, even, if Don E. FauntLeroy’s direction wasn’t so lackluster.
Model by Day (1994)
If you ever wonder what comic book fans who grew up the nineties mean when they mention there being slim pickings on television by way of superheroes and fantasy, look no further than “Model By Day.” Penned by Jeph Loeb “Model by Day” was about as good as it got in the realm of live action superheroes. Before she became an X-Man, Famke Jannsen took on the role of the hero known as Lady X for this failed television movie and backdoor pilot. Back in 1994, The Fox Network’s big draw was sleazy soap operas, so they endeavored to make their own superhero show by adapting an indie comic that was a weird mixture of “Models, Inc.” and “Batman.”
The Death of the Incredible Hulk (1990)
Even with the success of “Batman” a year prior, director Bill Bixby had a hard time accumulating the budget and network support for what became the final hurrah for the famed seventies series. Apparently “Death” was supposed to be a vehicle for Iron Man and She-Hulk, but the budget just didn’t allow for it. Not to mention around this time Bill Bixby received the unfortunate news that he had prostate cancer, so “Death” was ultimately a swan song for the series as a whole. It’s a mixed blessing, though, since the budget allows for this final film to give the Hulk what is a bittersweet finale. The movie isn’t at all perfect, and completely meanders in the middle of the film, but overall the final scene paired with the classic theme song is gripping and a great testament to Bill Bixby’s commitment as an actor before his untimely death.