Alien Arsenal (1999)

Posted on February 21, 2014 by Felix Vasquez

Once again David DeCouteau and Charles Band re-invent “Laserblast” for a new audience. The wretched original is once again re-conditioned in to a teen friendly adventure in the vein of “Power Rangers,” and it’s an apparent attempt to market on the audience. The movie is silly and often makes no sense, but I do tend to miss the old days when Full Moon and Charles Band attempted to appeal to children and teenagers. Ralph and cute Tomboy Baxter are nerds in their school, both of whom spend their time riffing on science fiction and being picked on for reasons I have tough time fathoming. Truth be told, they don’t stand out really.

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Shandar – The Shrunken City (1998)

Posted on February 7, 2014 by Felix Vasquez

You have to love how our kiddy duo complain that the bottled city of Kandor–er–Shandar isn’t protected when it’s been seated by hieroglyphs deep in a cave underground. And in Pennsylvania! No one would ever expect a bottled city to be hidden in Pennsylvania. Directed by Ted Nicolaou who brought us many of Full Moon’s more entertaining genre outings, “The Shrunken City” (or as it’s known now: “Shandar–The Shrunken City”) is a entertaining enough for kids, but incredibly convoluted. I was never quite sure what the hell was going on, all I knew was that two kids found the miniature city of Kandor–er–Shandar.

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Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver (2011)

Posted on January 31, 2014 by Felix Vasquez

Well, if the writers don’t give a shit anymore, why should we? “Gingerdead Man” has seemingly given up trying after the first film, so I’ve given up trying to make sense of anything that’s happening in this movie series. When last we saw Gingerdead Man he was trolling a movie studio killing actors and directors for some reason. Now he’s being held in a prison with other psychotic baked goods. Spoofing “Silence of the Lambs,” he meets with female detective who wants his help in a case. It’s an obvious satire sans the laughs, but we now know there are other psychotic baked goods out there.

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Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust (2008)

Posted on January 25, 2014 by Felix Vasquez

Gary Busey didn’t come back for the sequel? Was he holding out for more money or did his wrangler have a hard time tranquilizing him? In either case, much of “Gingerdead Man 2” is still just so damn inexplicable and confusing. Michelle Bauer plays Miss Polly who appears at a local film shoot with baked goods. Inside the box is Gingerdead Man. How did he get in there? Why is he there? Is someone sending him around to kill people? It’s never actually explained or remotely hinted.

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Shadowzone (1990)

Posted on January 10, 2014 by Felix Vasquez

I tried very hard to stay awake and somewhat alert through “Shadowzone” but mid-way I had a difficult time even keeping my attention on the convoluted plot. With the tagline “Beyond Alien! Beyond The Thing!” Cardone’s science fiction horror hybrid is so beyond boring. Director J.S. Cardone definitely steals from the former films wholesale, but none of it ever amounts to a remotely entertaining horror science fiction film. I’d sooner watch 2011’s “The Thing” before I watched “Shadowzone” one more time.

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Oblivion (1994)

Posted on January 3, 2014 by Felix Vasquez

The Full Moon space western “Oblivion” certainly is one of the most creative films to come out of Charles Band’s imprint. Surely, it can be silly and hard to follow, but it works well as a space western, and a western without the science fiction conventions. I was surprised this even had any monsters or aliens, as “Oblivion” works as a typical Western. Sans the giant man eating scorpions, of course. I digress. “Oblivion” is written by comics scribe Peter David and is admirably ambitious considering its obviously low budget.

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Zone Troopers (1985)

Posted on November 30, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

One thing I can say about “Zone Troopers,” is that it definitely wasn’t what I expected. Judging from the film’s poster, you’d probably go in thinking you’re going to see another “Bad Taste.” In reality, “Zone Troopers” is very much like “ET” except with soldiers in place of children. And it’s also directed like a television mini-series, with goofy fade outs, very limited violence, and colorful characters that paint this PG rated story about a group of American soldiers that befriend an abandoned alien.

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