Robert is a tire. Robert is in the ground. Robert gains a consciousness and decides he doesn’t want to be rubble. Robert gets up and starts rolling down the road. He blows things up with its will. It squashes bugs. Now that it’s caught the eye (?) of a gorgeous young traveler, Robert is rolling down after her and is intent on garnering her attention.
Why? No reason.
Does there have to be a reason?
As an unofficial capper to the pop culture bash that has been “Shaun of the Dead,” and “Hot Fuzz,” I wish I could bring greater tidings to fans of Pegg and Frost who anxiously awaited their third foray in to another genre adventure, but as it stands “Paul” is merely an okay movie. It’s not the worst comedy of the year, but it’ll far from be remotely remembered as the supreme comedy the gentlemen Nick Frost and Simon Pegg partook in. “Paul” feels like a watered down dose of Edgar Wright fare and unfortunately without him in the equation, this third outing as a team doesn’t entirely succeed as a comedy.
Before “South Park” and before “Jackass” Beavis and Butt Head treaded ground, first. They had commentary about aimlessness of our American educational system, they had gimmicks that made them iconic cartoon characters, and surely enough they indulged in pranks that were often so grotesque they should have been their own show. But most importantly they were funny and if you were around during the nineties, you can fondly remember seeing Beavis and Butthead everywhere. They were the source of all evil in the world next to Bart Simpson, and threatened to turn children in to raping thieving morons who would destroy the world. And while they were half right, Beavis and Butt head were stereotyped mainly because they were animated characters.
Revenge like anything is best served when in intricate doses. Batman, The Punisher, Freddy Krueger, they didn’t elicit their revenge in bouts of quick murder and or suicide. They instead withheld the final blow for as long as they possibly could and made the experience about as painful and immensely grueling as possible before the final closing shot. That’s the case for “I Saw the Devil” one of the most finely tuned revenge films ever created. It’s not just a movie about a man on a rampage looking for the monster who destroyed his life. It’s about a man embracing his inner most monsters and destroying the life of the man who took great pleasure in ruining his.
After the massive box office bust that was “Tron” it was surprising that Disney would ever invest in another movie from the property again. In many ways while the film was a failure, the concept was merely ahead of its time and it deserved another chance at box office gold and a fan base. Even decades after the film caught on with cult buffs and garnered a fan base, the success of another “Tron” is still in doubt and with this sequel, it’s all still a gamble. Especially in the age of cynicism where CGI epics are a dime a dozen. “Tron Legacy” isn’t so much about a game and the user that masters it as it is a son re-connecting with his dad.
Director Jack the Zipper’s “Xero” is one of the most artistically inclined bits of girl on girl porno ever conceived, it’s a masterful and visually brilliant pornographic film that is clearly just about the girl on girl sequences, but also has something to say with its depiction of sex scenes. Clocking in at an hour long, “Xero” is an endless stream of women going down on one another and engaging in heavy cunnilingus but this is all depicted in a single barn setting through the eyes of a dark haired woman. This dark haired woman is being tormented by an appetite for women that’s insatiable.
If you’re looking for a big hunk of eighties ham and cheese perfected by Michael Dudikoff with “American Ninja,” you have to look no further than the 2009 ham and cheese feast known as “Ninja”! From start to finish this movie is based around some of the hammiest acting I’ve ever seen and is centered on some truly cheesy storylines that have about as much originality as a Jean Claude Van Damme Movie. Hell, the little boy in me loved the whole ninja mysicism behind Scott Adkin’s starring vehicle matched with the blundering storyline that was about predictable as you can imagine if you have your eyes wide open throughout the first twenty minutes, but for all intents and purposes the Isaac Florentine actioner is not intent on being a masterpiece of action cinema.