Blood Widow (2014)

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What’s interesting about “Blood Widow” is that first time director Jeremiah Buckhalt really is on to something with the character of Blood Widow. She’s a beautifully designed and vicious slasher villain with an incredible blood lust. The mask she dons is spooky, and she really looks like she can take anyone on, be it a damsel in distress, or a four hundred pound trucker. It’s just a shame that she’s given almost nothing to do in her first slasher outing. Jeremiah Buckhalt’s movie clocks in at eighty minutes, and most of that time is spent on a group of characters that aren’t very interesting or smart.

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Big Driver (2014)

bigdriverI’m personally a fan of revenge thrillers, and am quite surprised to see Stephen King of all people concoct a rape revenge thriller. Out of the sub-genre, they’re the most notorious of the sub-sub-genres. “Big Driver” is an often toothless and ridiculous rape revenge thriller about a writer who may possibly be going mad after being viciously and repeatedly raped in a road side gas station by a hulking driver. He’s known as “Big Driver,” and is a very menacing and horrific villain. That is until the narrative unfolds and then he becomes a cartoon. It’s not enough that he may possibly be a trucker that had an impulse to rape and victimize a gorgeous woman on an abandoned road.

And it’s not enough that perhaps he has snared his share of victims in the past. No, King has to keep piling on absurd twists and turns with our villain Big Driver, while pretending to say something about writers. Truly, the writers’ psyche can be a maddening and unusual place, but for Tess Thorne, she’s a woman who’s been victimized one too many times and has an odd selection of friends. She has her characters from her book series about knitting elderly women solving crimes, her GPS named Tom (the only trustworthy man in her life), a cat named Fritz, and a neighbor who may or may not be romantically involved with Thorne.

Nothing is ever really confirmed for the audience, as every element of the plot is thrown up in to the air and never really resolved. At one point it’s suggested the stylish revenge plot is all in Tess’s mind but it’s never confirmed. Then we’re told that her confrontation with Big Driver was planned. “That’s a little far fetched,” Tess thinks aloud. But lo and behold, it’s not too far fetched the primary narrative itself. And by god King goes all the way, with a dramatic confrontation, and an abrupt final scene that may or may not be one big imaginary sequence in Tess’ slowly unraveling mind. What is the horrendous life Tess had? Why does Tess come across another victimized woman? What insight does this moment lend her exactly?

Is Tom the imagining of an ex-boyfriend or just a creation of Tess’s to compensate for her lack of romance? If Tess really is so closed off to everyone, why does she live in such an open suburban neighborhood? And what of the loose ends like Tess taking a limo home after being raped? No one really reported her injuries? I’m not sure if “Big Driver” is supposed to be a meta-thriller about a writer who enacts revenge through means that seem almost too good to be realistic, and the almost ridiculous sequence of events are intentionally silly, but “Big Driver” is too haphazardly written and sloppily directed to really answer that for the audience. In the end, it’s a terrible thriller with more head scratching questions than answers.

Pee-wee’s Playhouse: Seasons 1 & 2: Special Edition (DVD)

pwph-1Watching “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” years after it became a cult hit, it’s easy to see where shows like “Blue’s Clues,” and “Yo Gabba Gabba” obtained their influence. Though it’s absolutely surreal, “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” dares to be different and innovative, while putting the lovable character of Pee Wee Herman on display. What’s even more refreshing is that show host Pee Wee instills positive ideas in his audience, without derailing the show entirely. There are subtle lessons about imagination, creativity, enjoying sweets with moderation, and how to deal with bullies.

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Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990)

gremlins-2Watching “The New Batch” is still a very disappointing experience, as director Joe Dante, and the writers seek out to destroy almost everything likable about the original movie. The fantasy and dark whimsy is gone, the menace is gone, and the monsters are more gimmicky than ever. “Gremlins 2” is such an unusually mean jab at the original film, it even mocks the more compelling aspects of the original, including the broad rules for keeping a mogwai, and Phoebe Cates’ haunting story about Christmas. Billy’s inventor father is also nowhere to be found, in favor of Dick Miller who appears to deliver flat running gags and becomes a cheesy plot device. There’s even a lame meta-joke where the movie stops mid-way thanks to the Gremlins that replace the film with their favorite film “Snow White.”

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Gremlins (1984)

gremlins-quadIt’s interesting that Joe Dante’s “Gremlins” is the inadvertent start of a sub-genre that would copy “Gremlins” in every aspect, except for its appealing story and characters. There’s never been a more interesting film creature than the Mogwai simply because it’s so enigmatic. Surely, Gizmo is an adorable creature in our reality, but I’ve always wondered what he’s thought of in his own time. Is Gizmo an adorable but menacing beast that’s hunted by local villagers? Or is he cherished beast that needs to be respected lest he breed his own evil spawn? Is there a caretaker for the Mogwai assigned through time? And does Gizmo (played memorably by Howie Mandell) ever breed any good copies of himself?

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Pee-wee’s Big Adventure (1985)

peeweesbigadventureTim Burton’s adaptation of the comedy eighties icon is still a film that’s an acquired taste all things considered. Pee Wee begins as a slightly grating presence, but his enthusiasm eventually wins you over. Even to this day easing in to “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure” is a fun and unique fantasy film with Pee Wee Herman managing to entertain with his charismatic presence, unusual voice, and still excellent dance sequence to “Tequila” in a biker bar. I remember just about every kid in the late eighties would at one point imitate Pee Wee’s dance on the pool table.

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Our Top 5 Horror Video Games

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It’s the Halloween season, and as usual I’m digging in to my pile of vintage video games to play some of my favorite horror titles of all time. Stuff from the SNES and Genesis just never gets old. And though I’m not a gamer anymore, its fun to re-visit some of the better horror based games, some of which I’m still trying to beat. Hey, I said I was an ex-gamer, not a skilled ex-gamer.

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