“Sexcula” is like one big acid trip. There’s no sense of narrative, tone, pacing, or any kind of semblance of story. The director doesn’t even seem to be working on any kind of script. Take for example the big show where a stripper (glimmering in a spotlight seemingly appearing from nowhere) begins dancing with the castle owner’s pet gorilla. The gorilla is so enticed by the dancing, he attacks and rapes the stripper, and out of revenge, she rapes the gorilla. The two then seemingly die during the revenge rape, and then they pop up taking a bow as the characters in the film applaud. It’s this kind of nonsense that makes “Sexcula” irritating, but oddly alluring. I’d call it erotic and sexy, but the movie is just too stupid to muster up any kind of that flavor.
Skeeter (1993)
I almost want to sue the producers of “Skeeter” for false advertising, but then, what’s the use? And why bother? “Skeeter” really is better off being a very obscure and god awful horror film. Why even name a movie “Skeeter” if you’re only going to include four very short attacks by giant mosquitoes, most of whom seem anxious to take off before we really get in to the chaos?
Deadly Weekend (2013)
“Deadly Weekend” (AKA “Zellwood”) is one of those very poorly put together horror movies where every aspect of the production is shaky. So much so that you can sense the cast spend more time struggling not to acknowledge the camera than they do trying to get in to character. There’s even a very brief introduction in the beginning involving the owner of an airboat in the film and his daughters. The two tween actors spend their screen time so blatantly trying to stay in the scene without ruining the take, that it’s pretty embarrassing. Sadly, they play key roles in the narrative, mid-way.
“Deadly Weekend” is yet another back woods horror slasher about a group of friends having one last booze and fuck fest before they all move away from one another. Model and former playmate Sara Jean Underwood is pushed front and center for this eighty minute waste of time, for the simple fact that she’s not only the most notable name in the cast, but is pretty damn gorgeous. Director Sutton is wise to feature her in as many skimpy outfits as possible, including a tank top that barely clings to her for most of the movie. Not surprisingly Underwood is not much of an actress, and the movie itself just feels like cobbled together takes all edited to present the illusion of a seamless narrative.
If you’re investing time in “Deadly Weekend” for the sake of ogling Underwood, just look her pictures up online. You’ll save yourself some IQ points. Director Jason Sutton’s film amounts to literally nothing, watching like a lame student horror film where the script was a mere after thought. Instead there’s a ton of gore and torture effects, all of which have zero impact, because we never get to know or like the heroes, and we never get to really fear the villains. The latter of which are so utterly over the top and cartoonish, it’s tough to believe anyone could have a difficult time battling them, let alone four very fit thirty year olds.
The villains are utterly inexplicable and their introductions so random, I had a hard time forcing back laughter most of the time. Sutton fills the movie up with so much filler and padding that you could literally edit the movie to forty minutes and length and probably come out with something a little less embarrassing. From the overlong red herring opening scenes, to the endless rambling dialogue between the characters that bear no relevance to the movie’s resolution, “Deadly Weekend” mainly just seems to want to build up to the blood soaked finale. You can’t really root for four people that camp out near a muddy lake while their busty girlfriends work on their tan during an obviously cloudy afternoon. Production aside, “Deadly Weekend” is really just an empty, ridiculous horror entry that brings nothing to table. The acting is horrific, the script is paper thin, and the ultimate resolution is pitiful.
Animal (2014)
Anything featuring Elizabeth Gillies or Keke Palmer gets my automatic attention, so “Animal” was really an easy sell for me. True, it’s another horror film from Chiller Films, but, you know—Elizabeth Gillies and Keke Palmer. So, I’m willing to compromise. Thankfully “Animal” ends up being a very entertaining and creepy monster in the house horror film that feels like it could have been made in the mid-nineties. That’s by no means a caveat, as Brett Simmons’ “Animal” is a healthy amalgam of “The Descent” and “Feast,” with a hint of “Night of the Living Dead.” Simmons doesn’t try to break the mold. But he doesn’t strive to regurgitate the same old tropes, either.
Our Top Ten “Tales from the Crypt” Episodes of All Time
My love and appreciation for “Tales from the Crypt” didn’t happen immediately. I missed the entire run of the series when it was on HBO, because at the time my family didn’t have cable. However, later when the series ran every Saturday at midnight on network television, my family and I would watch every weekend and enjoy the horrific delights that the cryptkeeper would serve up.
The series remained a favorite of mine for many years, and still manages to pack a punch as a successor to “Creepshow” as an anthology series with twists, turns, and a brutally dark sense of humor. It was a tough task, but we picked out our top ten episodes of the entire series run. What are some of your favorites from the classic horror series?
The Shift (2015)
It’s pretty astonishing how much story Francesco Calabrese is able to tell and establish in just eight minutes. “The Shift” is both a horror film and a meta-film at once, exploring a very picturesque scene draped in pure terror. “The Shift” is set in the sixties. Or at least, the neighborhood we view looks very much of its time and Betty has just decided that it’s the sixties. In either case, all is not serene when we fade in to “The Shift.” When Joe returns home from work, he is knocked out awakens to find the ginger haired beauty Betty awaiting him.
Phobia (2013)
It’s interesting that director Rory Abel’s horror drama “Phobia” works on various levels. As a movie about a man dealing with the trauma of a horrible accident that left him an agoraphobe, “Phobia” works. I found much of the material involving agoraphobia to be very compelling, and often very suffocating. Director Abel is able to convey a shockingly accurate depiction of agoraphobia, with actor Michael Jefferson giving a remarkable turn as a man confined to his two story brown stone. It’s when the movie transforms in to a more supernatural thriller is where it falters.