Around the time “Archie Meets the Punisher” was released in 1994, I was about eleven years old. I bought Wizard magazine and would buy just about every comic that came out at the time. I bought “Super Pro” and “Dark hawk” and even at the impressionable age of eleven I looked at the cover of “The Punisher Meets Archie” and thought to myself “Are you effing kidding me?” In all of the comic characters in all of the world to cross over they decided to cross over the most violent psychopathic anti-hero in the comics universe with the most inoffensive yet addictive cult comic book of all time to meet for a storyline that’s too heavy for an Archie comic book and too light hearted for a Punisher comic book.
Puppet Master: Axis of Evil (2010)
I love “Puppet Master” I think it’s one of the best horror series to come along in years and provided many hours of wholesome puppet murdering fun that I never got with Chucky. With the series, it was obviously quite ridiculous, but it reveled in such and covered up that fact by giving us an array of puppets to root for who became menaces, villains, and then anti-heroes. “Axis of Evil” is an attempted reboot that will definitely not re-invent the entire series as I’d hoped, since it’s mainly just a lazy hack job with barely ninety minutes of its run time, and I retreat back in the old films.
Vampires Suck (2010)
This is from the morons who brought us “Epic Movie,” “Disaster Movie,” and “Meet the Spartans.” Do I need to explain myself anymore? Do I really? If it were up to me I’d just leave you with this whole string of sentences and that’d be about it, but then what’s the point of even reading this review? If you want to watch “Vampire Sucks” take every single god forsaken “Twilight” spoof you’ve ever seen on Youtube, FunnyorDie, and YTMD, mash them together and sit through it. I guarantee that you’ll laugh more in that compilation that you ever will here.
Galaxy Quest (1999)
In the late nineties, Tim Allen was pretty much at the top of his comedy game. The man was ending a long run on one of the most beloved family sitcoms of the nineties, he was known as the iconic Buzz Lightyear thanks to starring in one of the most revolutionary Disney films of all time, and he was appearing in anything he could get his hands on. One of the more adult related titles he starred in managed to be one of his highest grossing yet low key film to date that signaled an inevitable slump in his film career. But in spite of that descent in to becoming a third rate comedy star bouncing crotch shots off of a bloated brother of a comedy legend, “Galaxy Quest” is one of Allen’s most entertaining films, and continues to be a favorite of mine years subsequent its release in theaters. “Galaxy Quest” is a fantastic science fiction comedy, sure, but many years since its release, it’s managed to be a rotating title on my short list of absolute favorite films.
You Have to See This! Dobermann (1997)
Dobermann follows the title character (Vincent Cassel) and his group of bank robbers as they evade the law and particularly a maniacal cop, Cristini (Tcheky Karyo). The tone of the movie is set right away with the opening sequence, at the end of which a gun is given to a baby at his Baptism. The rest of the story, based on cop novel, is fairly simple; bad guys versus good guys, or is it?
Edge of Darkness (2010) (DVD)
Based on the critically acclaimed BBC Mini series, director Martin Campbell’s revenge thriller is a hefty mixing of genres that begins as a family drama, continues on as a revenge action film and ends as a conspiracy mystery where Mel Gibson is able to shine yet again as grieving single father Thomas Craven. Possessing a passable and forgivable Boston accent, Gibson as Craven is a man whose life has garnered him a distance from his only living family member, his daughter Emma. Noticeably disturbed and ill, Emma and Thomas re-connect and attempt to seal their relationship but all fate is sealed when a sick Emma is shot outside of Thomas’ house by a masked gunman. Working outside the law, Thomas decides that there is much more to the murder than meets the eye, and he begins unraveling a mystery that is beyond anything he could have imagined.
Valentine's Day (2010)
What with director Richard Curtis’s “Love Actually” becoming a bonafide crowd pleasing classic featuring an ensemble of the greatest British actors around with the heavy theme of love conquering all, it was only a matter of time until American studios decided that Americans needed their own love themed ensemble classic, in spite of the fact that most people who love “Love Actually” don’t mind that it’s British. Nevertheless not ones to just stand back and let the Brits have the love, “Valentine’s Day” is a two hour Hallmark card, one that doesn’t enlist the best American cast, but the hottest, with the newest and most in vogue engaging in their own mini-plots vested in the themes of the exploitative of holidays: “Valentine’s Day.”