I have found that comedies, even the good ones, have become so utterly predictable, that it’s not even funny. Pun intended. The good comedies are even predictable, and the mediocre ones are so predictable that I’ve discovered I can really lay out what’s going to happen before it happens. “Kicking and Screaming” begins on a truly predictable note. Narration. Instead of leaving our main character to pretty much show the audience how inept or stupid he is the writers feel that the actor and director are so incompetent of explaining through actions what and who they are, that they must explain to us through narration.
The Legend of Zorro (2005)
The creators of “Legend” have decided to take what made the first film so good and turn the sequel and its story into another “Spy Kids” rip off. Well, not so much “Spy Kids”, but a shameless rip off of “The Mummy Returns”. Male adventurer and female damsel both evolve into settled individuals that happen to have a son who is clever, smart mouthed, and both mutter at some point a variation of “My dad is going to kick your ass” to the grizzled villain. The derivations are so damn shameless that I felt bile of sheer disgust starting this film. The fact that the creators felt the need to add a snot nosed little brat who is there simply as one giant walking cliché, to make the film more “exciting” as merely just obvious pandering to a younger crowd, is condescending, since you figure Zorro did much of that already.
The Blind Swordsman: Zatoichi (2003)
Not many people are aware of it, but I’m a huge fan of the “Zatoichi” series. I love the series, and I’ve seen almost all of them, so when I was finally able to get my hands on the Beat Takeshi sequel, I was ecstatic. What made Zatoichi was that Shintaro Katsu presented such an inept and humble distinction to him that he was never thought to be a dangerous persona, but Katsu strived in making Zatoichi so unassuming, yet so utterly deadly. Katsu was short, chubby, and seemingly incapable of being able to learn any sort of arts, but once criminals crossed Ichi’s path, he spoke loudly with his rapid fire sword work. For those unaware of the character, Zatoichi is an ex-yakuza who lost his eyesight during a war, and became a masseur traveling across the land as an anti-hero.
My First Wedding (2004)
“My First Wedding” is basically a neo-eighties rom com plus incredible fluff based around quirky mix-ups and goofy situations that basically could have been set in the time of sex crazed comedies. A nymphomaniac arrives at a church one day to repair a confessional, and a seemingly gorgeous girl crashes in to confess her sins while he listens anxiously and decides he’s going to pursue her. Enter hilarious situations including awfully gullible characters. Where’s Mr. Roper? But then, that’s the fun of watching “My First Wedding” because it’s basically two nymphos courting each other, with pretty humorous situations involving a wedding party in which Doughty is forced to improvise about his knowledge of the bible, and it’s rather humorous watching him trying to get his way by pretending to be a priest.
True Caribbean Pirates
To ring in, or market off of, the arrival of the surefire moneymaker “Pirates of the Caribbean”, the History Channel’s newest documovie explores the legends and origins of pirates. Pirates of the Caribbean (as the narrator so sneakily includes) have been around since the 1700’s, and they’ve been a staple of pop culture and the world ever since. Pirates truly are no laughing matter being described as vicious killer and rapists whom roam along the open seas where law is not in power, and proceed in snatching up hapless victims.
Kingdom of Heaven (2005)
After the tepid “Troy” and the awful “Alexander”, I was hoping “Kingdom of Heaven” would be a change in pace. And I was wrong. Even with Ridley Scott at the helm, I was just so disappointed. Continue reading
Psych
Shawn Preston is excellent at noticing clues and hints to a crime. He’s so excellent, he’s practically a psychic. And now you know what the basic plot is. Preston, taught to point out clues and heighten his intuition since he was a boy, thanks to his demanding officer father (Corbin Bernsen), can solve many crimes by just watching a news report then calls, reports information and collects on the reward money, and it’s gotten him into hot water. To prove he didn’t commit the crimes, he pretends to be psychic. And then it gets interesting.