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The film “Kaw” is a remake of “The Birds” before the actual remake of “The Birds” arrives to shit on us from above in theaters. I love monster movies with funny names, don’t you? There’s “SuperCroc,” and there’s “Sssssssss!” and then there’s “Kaw.” The title of this feature just isn’t the problem of Wilson’s film, because that’s just my good old humor. In spite of Wilson’s evident wisdom of pacing and tension, the birds here just don’t frighten me as much as I assumed they would. What’s the point of having Ravens if you’re not going to exploit their penchant for being creepifying? Otherwise, just bring on a humming bird and call it “Kaw.”
Tag Archives: Action
SuperCroc (2007)
I really can’t understand why companies on tight budgets insist on attempting to create humongous epics on such a small pittance. “Supercroc” is part rip-off of “Primeval,” a part rip-off of “Alligator,” and a part rip-off of “Godzilla.” But mostly, it’s just an animals-on-a-rampage flick typical of low budget fare these days. And as all low budget fare, the animal in question does very little. As I’ve seen with many low budget movies, the film thinks it can base the story around our characters, so the audience won’t notice that the thing they came for only appears every twenty minutes and does very little. And this would be well and good, were the writing worth something. I mean, hell, the first ten minutes of this snooze fest involves soldiers on a mission on… I want to say a lake resort.
Awaken the Dead (2007)
I always say, if you’re going to feature a priest as the center of your horror movie, however extreme or dramatic, make the priest a demon stomping hard ass and not some moaning pussy that holds the bible out in front of him at every chance. The hero Christopher is a little of both. A pacifist in some ways who is drawn into the front lines of battle, once evil comes a knockin’. “Awaken the Dead” is a mixed bag in terms of what it offers, but most of the time it hits more than misses. And for that, it deserves to be seen.
Thriller: A Cruel Picture (1973)
Allegedly one of the many influences for Quentin Tarantino’s “Kill Bill” series, “Thriller” or “They Called her One Eye” is an awfully uneasy and chilling bit of savagery involving one of the primary themes for grind house cinema: Victimizing. Like many before and after it, we watch a simple girl terrorized by corrupt and violent forces that drive her to the brink of violence and revenge in a hail of blood and bullets. Sure, thanks to many of its fans, “Thriller” is hardly a rare movie anymore, nor are reviews of it hard to come by, but where else will you find my own wry commentary?
TMNT (2007)
Michelangelo: I have nightmares about birthday parties…
I’ll happily admit this again and again, “TMNT” was one of my most anticipated movies of 2007. Because whether I say it or not, the Ninja Turtles were just a big part of my youth. And they’re a franchise I consistently trail back to and enjoy. I loved the original movie, loved the animated series and hell, I even dug the 2003 animated series. Remember that period when they were a rock band? I digress. This franchise is not without its hitches, as every franchise is, but “TMNT” was a step in the right direction. Computer animation, great cast, and bringing the turtles back to the dark without abandoning their major audience. I’m assuming you know the story of the turtles by now, so I’ll segue into the review.
Shrek 2 (2004)
The question always is: was there really a need for a sequel? The answer is no, but when there’s money to be made, Hollywood will do anything to make sure there’s another film no matter how pointless, or awful if it’s mildly successful. I liked “Shrek”, I thought it was a one of a kind animated comedy that was actually funny. Then I watched “Shrek 2” and was appropriately disappointed. I went in to this movie with a lot of optimism because I liked the original film so much, but this was just a lagging effort, and it becomes painfully clear within thirty minutes in this movie that the producers and all the stars got big fat pay raises to come back for this.
Stan Lee Presents: The Condor (2007)
What Stan Lee has basically done here is create his very own Spider-Man. With the Condor, we have a basically privileged young man whose life is really in need of a boost. When his parents die, he is rendered basically crippled after being attacked, and becomes a superhero. One that talks the villains to death to piss them off. The Condor is basically the equivalent of the Spider-Man rogue Rocket Racer with a mixture of that lame superhero from the nineties: MANTIS.