The Funhouse Massacre (2015) [Blu-Ray]

Posted on June 22, 2016 by Felix Vasquez

Well, damn.

I honestly never go in to a movie hoping its bad, but most times I almost never go in to a horror movie with high expectations. I went in to “The Funhouse Massacre” with almost no expectations, and oddly enough ended up with a damn good and damn fun splatter horror comedy. Not only did I thoroughly enjoy “The Funhouse Massacre,” but I plan to re-visit it during Halloween. Were I wealthy enough, I’d even buy a bunch of copies and put them in the bags of select trick or treaters. If you love Halloween, director Andy Palmer’s horror comedy is a blast, and the very definition of a Halloween treat. Granted, there are some flaws here and there (blatant CGI sky shots, and a brutally predictable final scene), but once you forgive them, you can appreciate the good intentions Andy Palmer has for the audience.

“The Funhouse Massacre” is gory, it’s sadistic, it’s funny, and it has a damn creative concept I had a lot of fun with. Director Palmer charges in to the premise head first, even giving a logical reason as to why literally no one recognizes these serial killers occupying a Halloween funhouse. Palmer’s movie feels almost like a stand alone Batman tale, where Candice De Visser plays a demented psychopath and brutally sexy maniac in the vein of Harley Quinn, who breaks out a group of vicious serial killers from a local asylum. Jere Burns is fantastic as Mental Manny, the ring leader of the funhouse killers who almost seems to be channeling his version of the Joker, at times. Burns was always a fine actor, but he goes the extra mile here. When the group of killers invades a local funhouse, unsuspecting Halloween fans walk in to death and murder.

We follow a group of friends out for the night, prepared for laughs, unaware that the gore and splatter around them are really helpless victims walking in to the slaughter. Realizing what’s happening much too late, the group is locked in the funhouse without any escape. It’s now up to a local sheriff, her inept deputy, and one of the group’s survivors to stop them. A lot of the mayhem and premise certainly has a catch to it, as Palmer isn’t content with just throwing blood at the wall, offering a very slick reveal in the chaotic climax that I thought really tied the movie together. The collective cast is just top notch, as Palmer brings the best out of his performers, from a small cameo by Robert Englund, to a very funny supporting performance by Ben Begley who steals scenes left and right.

“The Funhouse Massacre” is a grab bag of laughs, gore, and creeps, and it’s definitely a horror comedy you should look in to come October. The Blu-Ray release from Scream Factory comes with an interesting audio commentary with director Andy Palmer, producer Warner Davis and actors Clint Howard and Courtney Gains. There’s “Popcorn Talk’s Video Commentary” with director Andy Palmer and co-writers/co-stars Ben Begley and Renee Dorian. There’s the three minute segment “A Day on the Set,” a five minute Production Diary, and the original Theatrical trailer for “The Funhouse Massacre.”

Steel (1997)

Posted on June 21, 2016 by Felix Vasquez

If you ever sat down and wondered “Why did it take so long for an Iron Man movie to hit theaters?” then you’d be wise to sit down and watch “Steel.” Not only did studios not invest in loyal adaptations of superheroes in the nineties, but the concept of a man in a metal suit fighting crime was impossible to put on screen. Especially if you have a studio unwilling to invest in committing to the concept and making it feel somewhat realistic with CGI. Steel was originally birthed as a Superman clone with a concept very similar to Iron Man. John Henry Irons was a weapons developer betrayed by his organization.

When Superman died, he took his weapons of mass destruction and used them to build a steel suit to help keep law and order in Metropolis. When Superman came back from the dead to take back his mantle, Steel became his own superhero with dignity and some sense of stature, but was always something of a fourth rate Iron Man clone. Obviously Warner took the concept and premise for this somewhat notable superhero and turned it in to a clunky and campy superhero adventure with zero stakes. Suddenly everything Jon Bogdanove, and Louise Simonson worked toward in making “Steel” somewhat of a hero in his own right was undone by this ridiculous movie. Here, there are only three vague references to Superman, while Shaquille plays an unconvincing military officer who is also developing weapons for combat. Judd

Nelson plays villain Nathaniel Burke whose lust for violence destroys their experiment causing John Henry Irons to be discharged from the military while Annabeth Gish as friend Sparky, is rendered a paraplegic. When John returns home, he learns his weapons are being streamlined for gang combat, and Nathaniel is behind it, making a deal with an arcade game exec to distribute and sell his high tech weapons. And he’s really evil, because they’re recruiting teenagers to test their weapons, booga, booga! “Steel” is a marvel of superhero cinema, mainly because it’s so painful watching Shaquille O’Neal stomping around in a heavy steel suit that looks so ill fitted to his form it gets gradually more embarrassing as the film unfolds. Why even bothering to adapt Steel is mind boggling, but adapting him in to this kids film makes the investment so much more horrendous.

The initial revelation of Shaq’s character John as Steel is supposed to be awe inspiring and cool, but Shaq looks so goofy in costume. It’s bad enough the suit looks heavy and clunky, Shaq can barely run around in it, but the helmet he wears makes him look awfully cross eyed. I’m willing to suspend my disbelief at a man running around in a clunky metal costume, but the police in the movie are so inept, they can barely keep up with the man moving as slow as molasses. Plus, it wouldn’t be too hard to find Steel’s alter ego. Just look for the only man in the city who is seven feet tall. From there, “Steel” is reliant on a heavy formula of repetition and camp that’s more obnoxious than cute.

To make the cruel experience more endurable here’s a good drinking game for you: Take two shots every time Shaq makes a basketball reference. Take a shot every time Shaq mumbles through a line. Take a shot every time Shaq rips something apart or breaks someone’s property. Take two shots every time Judd Nelson flares his nostrils. Your liver will be shot by the time the movie comes to a merciful close. Thankfully, “Steel” didn’t complete destroy the comic book movie, as it took “Blade” only a year later to prove comic book movies could be a bankable property worthy of an audience and franchise. The media usually credits “X-Men” but really, it started with “Blade.”

My Top Five Favorite Fictional Babysitters

Posted on June 20, 2016 by Felix Vasquez

With the remake of “Adventures in Babysitting” coming to Disney Channel on Friday, I thought I’d go over some of my favorite babysitters from pop culture. I went through a ton of potentials, including the ladies from “The Babysitters Club,” but I admittedly never read any of the books, so this is more cinematic babysitters. Some of these are babysitters I wish I had as child. It would have made staying home so much easier.

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Finding Dory (2016)

Posted on June 20, 2016 by Felix Vasquez

I, like many other people, were wondering why there even needed to be a sequel to “Finding Nemo” that focused on Dory. Granted, Dory was a charming supporting character, and Ellen DeGeneres was great, but Dory always seemed like a character you could quickly get bored with. Surprisingly, director Andrew Stanton not only proves that Dory is worth focusing an entire film on, but that her story deserved to be told just as much as Marlin and Nemo’s did. Stanton and co. follow a very non–linear storyline for the sequel; “Finding Dory” goes back in time to follow the blue Tang we know as Dory, then cuts off as she meets Marlin, and begins a year later where she’s now living with Marlin and Nemo and acting as Nemo’s surrogate guardian alongside Marlin.

Dory, much like Nemo, was born with just as much of a disadvantage. While “Finding Nemo” conveyed the trials, tribulations, and worries of raising a child with a physical disability, “Finding Dory” uses Dory’s short term memory loss as a metaphor for the trials, tribulations, and worries that come with raising a child with a mental illness or mental disability. Raising Dory isn’t so much a burden for her parents Jenny and Charlie, as they approach her lack of memory with as much patience and consideration as possible. They’re well meaning and lovely parents that do everything in their power to help Dory channel her disability in to an advantage all while turning it in to a fun game.

But they can only do so much, since they don’t really seem to accept that Dory’s condition is permanent and may be a part of who she is for the rest of her life. Plus, as she ages, the world is looking more and more appealing to her, so it soon becomes a race for her parents to make her handicapable before their worst fears of the ocean swallowing her up come to fruition. Sadly, Dory does get lost, and her short term memory becomes a constant pitfall in her efforts to reunite with her parents. Before long, she’s forgotten that she’s even lost, and years have passed on. Thus she meets her fate with Marlin and Nemo, which gives her a newfound perspective and the confidence that she can find her parents once again. “Finding Dory” opens up the world we saw in “Finding Nemo” by adding a new slew of fun and lovable characters.

I especially loved Hank the Septopus, Destiny a near sighted Whale Shark, and a pair of Walrus’ comically protective of their perching rock. “Finding Dory” isn’t just a callback to the original film, but the narrative literally centers on Dory trying to find her memories and her family which ultimately represents herself. DeGeneres is even better here than in the first film as Dory, as she injects a lot of complexity and true emotions in the character and her journey to find her family which she is convinced will help improve her memory in the long run. “Finding Dory” is fantastic as director Andrew Stanton and co. give Dory brand new obstacles and dimensions, and comprise a funny, exciting, and incredibly heartbreaking tale of overcoming a handicap and leaning on family when the world is at its darkest.

Hank Boyd Is Dead (2015)

Posted on June 15, 2016 by Emilie Black

Accused murdered Hank Boyd has died and his mother wants him remembered with a funeral and gathering at the family home. Sarah is hired to work this gathering for the local catering company. As the hours pass, the Boyd family grows stranger and stranger and Sarah must fight for her life.

Written and directed by Sean Melia for whom this is a first full length feature film, the story seems simple at first: A child murderer has died in a small town and his family is trying to keep a minimum of respect for him at his funeral. However, as more and more is discovered about the Boyd family, the more twisted the story becomes. It isn’t only about Sarah’s survival among this family but also about how crazy can one family really be. The story is fairly well written and unfolds at a good pace, never losing the viewer’s attention but also not exactly feeling like it’s doing anything new with the crazy family aspect.

The acting is decent from the leads and supporting cast. Standouts are Carole Monferdini as the aging and slowly losing it clan matriarch, Beverly Boyd, who alternates between sweet old lady and crazy violent bitch. Her performance is nuanced with a touch of bat shit insane. The other standout if Stefanie E. Frame as Sarah Walsh, the outsider who becomes captive and fights for her life. She shows a range of emotions from boredom to stunned surprise to desperation which adds to the viewers’ care for her character.

Hank Boyd Is Dead is a violent film but there is no gore and very little blood, the horror here is more psychological in nature. Yes, there is violence, but what is meant to shock is the story, the characters’ backgrounds, and the family dynamics, not the physical damage made to others (except in a couple of scenes). That being said, it is a violent film with some disturbing aspects, however for a more jaded audience, it’s not quite enough to have much of an effect.

The film has good performances in general, a fairly good story, decent dialogue, but nothing is really shocking or new. At 76 minutes, it’s a fairly short feature which allows it to not overstay its welcome. The twists are interesting but will be predictable to some. Nonetheless, the film is entertaining while not breaking any new ground in the crazy family with major issues horrific drama sub-genre.

Zootopia (2016) [Blu-Ray/DVD/Digital]

Posted on June 14, 2016 by Felix Vasquez

Disney’s newest “Zootopia” is a very heavy and complex movie that can be appreciated by a broader audience. Sure, it has a lot of ideas about heroism, courage, and features a slew of really charming cute animals, but it’s also a tale about prejudice and stereotypes. It’s an inverted exploration of biases and conclusions we draw with others that can be dissected and analyzed by virtually anyone. I don’t think “Zootopia” is about a specific issue in the modern social and political climate, but it does hold an interesting function in helping us to take a second look at racism and the ideas of stereotyping a specific sub-set of individuals and how damaging it can be to us as a society and personally.

Ginnifer Goodwin is fantastic as Judy Hopps, a rabbit who has been told all of her life that she’s incapable of being anything but a farmer. When she beats all the odds and tries for her role as a police officer, she eventually proves everyone wrong and ends up earning a job as an officer in Zootopia. Zootopia is a series of small communities and cities made up animals, most of which are prey. The predators are reserved for more side roles in the society that are influential but not totally intimidating. Judy is underestimated mainly for her size and gender, and is sadly relegated to being a Meter Maid.

After stopping a theft from a local flower shop, she begs her commander Chief Bogo (Idris Elba) for a chance, and volunteers to find a missing Otter. With only forty eight hours given by Bogo, Judy begins cracking the case and blackmails local con artist, Nick Wilde, a sly Fox who may be able to help her. With their uneasy pact, Hopps learns about a grander scheme involving other missing animals, and the unnerving idea that local predators may begin hunting prey and ruining the harmony of Zootopia. Goodwin is charming and fun as heroine Hopps, who manages to disprove a lot of assumptions about her from her department and fox Nick Wilde, who sees her as literally nothing more than a dumb bunny who’s bitten off more than she can chew.

With courage and old fashioned determination, Hoops paves her way in to the annals of Disney heroines with ease. The voice work is fantastic with folks like Idris Elba and JK Simmons lending their voice talents, while Jason Bateman is a wonderful foil to Hopps. With his calm and smug deliver, Bateman turns Wilde in to a complex anti-hero, who garners his own ideas about stereotypes and the often inescapable pigeonholes society can put us in to. Wile just accepts his fate as a lower class predator, while Hopps is eager to prove she’s so much more than prey destined to reproduce and farm. Like the former Disney smash “Frozen,” the writers take its audience seriously and offer complex and very adult overtones that will allow them to give second and third thoughts about what “Zootopia” is trying to convey.

Along the way there are some genuinely funny moments, including the visit to the DMV run by Sloths, the fun jabs at previous Disney films, and shockingly compelling dynamic between Nick and Judy. “Zootopia” is another stellar Disney film that begs for a second look thanks to its evocative overtones and commentary.

The Disney release of “Zootopia” comes with a DVD and Digital Copy alongside the Blu-Ray. Among the features, there’s “Research: A True-Life Adventure,” a ten minute look at how the filmmakers dropped themselves in to the animal kingdom to research wildlife and bring them to life for the film. “The Origin of an Animal Tale” is a nine minute look at filmmakers discussing ideas for the movie during development, along with inspirations, themes, and whatnot.

“Zoology: The Roundtable” is a three part feature clocking in at almost a half hour, covering various facets of the film. There’s “Characters” about the film’s primary characters, “Environments” about the bigger and more minute details that comprise the film, and “Animation” revolving around the film’s fantastic animated sequences. “Scoretopia” is a look at the film’s fun score, “Z.P.D. Forensic Files” is a three minute look a the Disney East Eggs throughout the movie. There’s a music video by Shakira, a look at the characters removed from the final film, and a slew of deleted scenes and an alternate opening with an optional commentary by Byron Howard and Rich Moore.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

Posted on June 14, 2016 by Felix Vasquez

I know that this is grounds for getting my “90’s Kid” membership card stripped from my hands, but the more I see “TMNT II,” the more I dislike it. Yes, it has camp value thanks to Vanilla Ice, but nostalgia lens aside, it’s a pretty crummy follow up to the 1990 movie. It’s basically the “Batman Forever” of the original TMNT movie series, a movie that waters down the formula of the Ninja Turtles. Hell, even like “Batman Forever,” the turtles are no longer urban legends working in the shadows, and become virtual celebrities by the climax. Much to the shock of everyone involved, 1990’s “TMNT” movie was a film for all ages that took violence seriously, and depicted actual consequences to actions and decisions.

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