21 Jump Street (2012)

When all is said and done “21 Jump Street” completely bastardizes the original television series from the eighties. The original show was a dramatic and controversial series that took painstaking turns in to very taboo subjects in America and was the stepping point for Johnny Depp. No one shares that frustration more than I do. But surprisingly enough “21 Jump Street” is still a fun and absolutely entertaining action comedy that is about as close to an American version of “Hot Fuzz” as you can get. While it does use the “21 Jump Street” model to get the premise rolling, it doesn’t really spoof or satirize the show. There’s no one mocking Johnny Depp, or Dustin Nguyen, nor is anyone mocking major episodes of the series. The directors do pay homage to the show with their own nods to the series, but it doesn’t lampoon the show so much as use the framework to tell a new story. A new story that’s incidentally based around a more comic tone.

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Aphrodisiac! The Sexual Secret of Marijuana (1971) (DVD)

Dennis Van Zak’s propaganda film is very much on par with “Reefer Madness” and that’s just shocking how much the two parallel toward one another. While “Reefer Madness” was a complete exaggeration of the negative aspects of marijuana use, Dennis Van Zak completely reduces the positive aspects of marijuana use to such an optimistic degree that it’s absolutely comical and cartoonish. Both films are basically intent on conveying a message about the use of cannabis and both films basically evade any and all scientific research in exchange for their agenda toward audiences. The only real difference with “Aphrodisiac!” and “Reefer Madness” is that Van Zak’s film is basically just a short form porn film with testimonials so utterly idiotic it’s worth a good laugh or two. In fact I would recommend audiences be obscenely high while viewing this film.

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Our Fucking Thoughts on Holliston

There seems to be a lot of penis envy when it comes to the success of “The Big Bang Theory.” If you’re not a fan you’re either someone who hates the show outright for being a success, or you’re someone who thinks you can do a better geek show. “Holliston” is the latter part of the aforementioned sentence. “Holliston” is essentially “The Big Bang Theory” but with horror fans instead of fan boys and geeks. It seems Adam Green is one of the many individuals who think they know what the perception of a fan boy is better than the people behind the hit show “The Big Bang Theory,” thus we have this series.

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Subspecies (1991) [Blu-Ray]

Maybe I just wasn’t paying attention but what is the Bloodstone supposed to do, anyway? The entire first film of “Subspecies” revolves around the sacred macguffin called the Bloodstone. Allegedly it’s supposed to drip the blood of the saints but then what? Does that grant the vampire god-like abilities? Isn’t that a bit redundant considering a vampire is already near invincible? Does it allow them to walk during the day? Does it make them holy or something? I could never quite figure out what if anything the bloodstone was for. “Subspecies” in spite of its inherent narrative faults and logic gaps is a time when Full Moon was trying to deliver us quality entertainment.

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The Mask of Zorro (1998)

As a fictional character, Zorro is the original superhero. He inspired Batman, The Shadow, and the like, a masked man with a dark persona who uses his wits and wily cunning to win battles in a world where evil men rule. Zorro is a man whose entire origin resembles Bruce Wayne, The Batman. An aristocrat by day, Don Diego is a playboy who lives in the period era of California who hobnobs with yuppies of his ilk and authorities. By night he’s a masked man with a faithful servant who wields swords and weaponry alike to fight crime and take on bandits and warlords of all kinds.

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Frankenhooker (1990) [Blu-Ray]

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I liken “Frankenhooker” very much to the classic “Re-Animator.” That is if “Re-Animator” were conceived by a mentally deranged chimpanzee. Even as a dark horror comedy “Frankenhooker” is a film that has to be taken with a grain of salt. It’s so monumentally moronic and ridiculous that I couldn’t believe what I was seeing most of the time. Of course going in to a film named “Frankenhooker” you’re not going to get high art, but Frank Henenlotter takes viewer expectations and drags it in to the mud with a shit eating grin. “Frankenhooker” is yet another take on “Frankenstein” with a bit of a Lovecraft twist that really is never as creative as it thinks it is.

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House Party 3 (1994)

house-party-3You can tell that “House Party 3” is pretty much where Kid and Play are on the way out, pop culture wise. It seems while New Line Cinema funded their first two films, they drastically cut the budget for this third entry in to the series. And it shows big time. It looks dated. Even more dated than the first one. The photography is hazy, the camera work is amateur, there is an obscene amount of close ups on character faces, and the comedy is nowhere to be found. There isn’t a single laugh to be had here. And the slapstick escapist tone is all but missing.

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