I consider myself a very mature man who knows how to restrain himself in terms of disagreeing with people. But to the people who found this to be a remotely good film, I must ask: Are you stupid or something? Is this what you define as entertainment? But, I digress. My apologies. With basically the same plot, we delve in the San Antonio Bay/Island where they’re preparing for their ceremony to pay respect to the town’s founders. Fog rolls in. People die. Ghosts return mighty pissed off. And the shit hits the fan. By shit, I mean this film. Who thought this remake would be a good idea? Not the concept of remaking it, but this script? I’ve never seen such sloppy writing before in my life. I can safely say, I can squeeze out a better version out of my ass, without hesitation, but hey, we’re not all working for Hollywood. So, what do the writers force feed through this manufactured screenplay?
Tag Archives: Romance
Masters of Horror: Sick Girl
Of all the episodes from the “Masters of Horror” series, this was the one I was really looking forward to because: a) It’s Lucky McKee, how cool a name is that? b) It’s described as “The Fly” with lesbians, and c) It has Misty Mundae in it. Yeah, so what I’m a fan of her. “Playmate of the Apes” (Making out with a pink ape? Priceless) and “Lord of the G-Strings” is quality shit, with some brutally funny performances. “Sick Girl” is a freaky, campy, and utterly clever jab at lesbianism in America, but also a good retread on “The Fly”. I don’t know why, but I assumed “Sick Girl” would be played to a more dramatic effect, but then it’s Lucky McKee, this guy likes to play on odd.
D.E.B.S. (2004)
I wasn’t expecting a masterpiece with “DEBS”, and when I was done, I received just what I was expecting. I’ve seen material that have spoofed the spy genre with women from “Charlie’s Angels” and “She-Spies”, and “DEBS” doesn’t stand out among the others. In spite of its homosexual twist, it’s still the same old trash we’re exposed to that attempts to be clever and tongue-in-cheek, when really it’s basically just tired and yawn-inducing.
Hitch (2005)
It’s a shame, Will Smith, with all his appeal, money, and clout in the business doesn’t take all he has and use it to do some good for film. Instead of working on cookie cutter romances, and boring action flicks, he could be out there changing how films are made. Yet, here he sits, on another cookie cutter romance that bears nothing resembling originality or innovation. Smith has taken his advantages and used it to have a career of mediocrity. “Hitch” another short title starring a playboy who helps people get in love, and even talks in to the camera with a smug smile in the tradition of films like “Alfie”. It’s hard to feel any sympathy or connection towards someone who’s so cocky and arrogant.
Son of the Mask (2005)
I kind of liked “The Mask”. I mean granted, it’s weak, but it’s fun, and for some odd reason we have the sequel and we’re forced to lay our eyes on: “Son of the Mask” based on the compiled works of Arthur Miller–just kidding. Yeah, you can pretty much guess where this lame-brained sequel is going, but I’ll spell it out for you because this plot is extremely esoteric. Yeah, I’m laughing too. Hey, I’m a big movie snob, and I admit it, but this goes beyond snobbery, this film (I use the term loosely) speaks to your common sense.
The Company (2003)
I’ll admit, I approached “The Company” with a closed mind, I mean how interesting could it be to be a professional ballet dancer after all? When I was finished with this, I thought to myself “Boy, was I wrong!”. I mean, I’m a guy, I’ve never seen a ballet, I’ve never met a true ballet dancer, and ballet doesn’t appeal to me, so with Robert Altman’s newest docu-drama, I was hesitant and immensely scared that I was in for a two hour snooze fest, but I was proven wrong. If anything “The Company” shows how surprisingly physically demanding being a ballet dancer can be. Though it’s a pre-requisite with those who enter in to this world, it’s ballsy for the makers here to give the movie going audience a glance in to the world of ballet dancing.
Cold Mountain (2003)
“Cold Mountain” wants to be grand. Oh how Minghella wants it to be a grandiose civil war epic, this generation’s “Gone with the Wind”, but sadly, it will never reach those heights, and throughout the running time it never reached those heights because it is such a short-sighted piece of filmmaking, it could never reach the possible limits that Minghella wanted it to. After viewing this, it was plainly obvious this was so utterly manufactured for Oscar, it was nauseating. But “Cold Mountain” is not underwhelming because of that fact, it’s underwhelming simply because it’s so utterly short-sighted in its stories and characters.