Man of the House (2005)

MPW-13761Maybe it’s because I expected junk, but I didn’t hate “Man of the House.” Sure, it’s typical, and routine, and bubbly, and that should equal a bad review, but I didn’t have a miserable time. I admittedly had fun, because “Man of the House” in spite of its many faults, was a fun movie. It’s like a carnival ride, fun and then forgotten. And it helps that the film has some really sexy girls in it. Five. You can make the argument that I liked this because of the girls, and you’d be partially right, but I also had fun thanks to Tommy Lee Jones, who lends the film a really welcome comedic bent.

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Underworld: Evolution (2006)

underworld-eIn spite of its many, many failings and flaws, I liked “Underworld”. It’s no masterpiece, it’s not even that good, yet it’s still a pretty fun movie that’s mindless without being dumb. I like to describe it as “Matrix” meets horror, meets Abercrombie and Fitch. Sadly, the lore presented in the (now) “Underworld” franchise is still skewed and poor, but it sure is pretty fun. “Underworld: Evolution” is, I’m ashamed to admit, a step up from the previous installment. And it’s much edgier than the first film with more blood, and gore, and some very sexually suggestive material.

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Kinsey (2004)

kinseyAlfred Charles Kinsey was a true pioneer of his time. Back then in the fifties conservatism and religion were all powerful and the mere mention of or exploration in to the world of sex was shocking and considered almost criminal. Kinsey gave the religious right a good scare and shook up the foundation of conservative America exposing it as anything but. He helped to bring down the mythological “American Values”, and “Nuclear family” by exposing us as human. Cleverly though, “Kinsey” is not approached with a dramatic angle, which is difficult when tackling a biographical account of a man whose father was disciplinary, and who challenged modern conventions.

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Only Yesterday (Omohide Poroporo) (1991)

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Based on the novel of the same name, “Only Yesterday” directed by Isao Takahata is considered a rare drama in the US only because it’s not really available on DVD yet. Thankfully, I was able to view it with subtitles, and uncut, but who knows what the hell Disney will do with it once they decide to release it on DVD. I gather for them, with  conservative values, some scenes may not be deemed suitable in spite of the fact that Takahata’s adaptation so effortlessly and fearlessly tackles childhood trauma. What “Only Yesterday” really explores is cherishing life, and our lasting remnants of being a child.

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Whisper of the Heart (Mimi wo sumaseba) (1995)

“Whisper of the Heart” is the one and only film ever directed by Yoshifumi Kondo, a director who master Hayao Miyazaki intended to reign as his protégé. Miyazaki was going to retire from film and let Kondo take over from where he left off, however, Kondo sadly died at the age of forty-seven, and this was his only piece of art that was left by him. Obviously, Miyazaki never retired, but Kondo’s film does show traces of Miyazaki’s imagination and it’s clear why Miyazaki intended him as his successor.

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Brokeback Mountain (2005)

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Want to know something utterly shocking? When I finished “Brokeback Mountain”–I wasn’t gay. I know, you’re gasping and holding your breath, but I’m being honest. When I finished this homosexual love story, I wasn’t gay. I’m a heterosexual of young age, with an untarnished record, and yet, when I finished the movie I didn’t find the gay lifestyle appealing to my own tastes, and I was still sexually aroused by good looking women. Yes, you misanthropic, religiously fanatical, homophobic morons, watching a movie with gay people about the gay lifestyle won’t turn you gay. Can you believe that? And if you do, then perhaps your sexuality is already in doubt, but to those open-minded few who watched the film in spite of the themes and or because of its themes, then congratulations, you’re proof that humans are still evolving.

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The Fog (2005)

fog_xlgI consider myself a very mature man who knows how to restrain himself in terms of disagreeing with people. But to the people who found this to be a remotely good film, I must ask: Are you stupid or something? Is this what you define as entertainment? But, I digress. My apologies. With basically the same plot, we delve in the San Antonio Bay/Island where they’re preparing for their ceremony to pay respect to the town’s founders. Fog rolls in. People die. Ghosts return mighty pissed off. And the shit hits the fan. By shit, I mean this film. Who thought this remake would be a good idea? Not the concept of remaking it, but this script? I’ve never seen such sloppy writing before in my life. I can safely say, I can squeeze out a better version out of my ass, without hesitation, but hey, we’re not all working for Hollywood. So, what do the writers force feed through this manufactured screenplay?

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