“Dirty Dancing” 2017: A Truly Awful Remake in an Increasingly Tired Trend

ABC Television’s remake of “Dirty Dancing” is a god awful and ill conceived version of the eighties classic. I don’t say that as a fan of the original, or an eighties kid, but as someone who just can’t abide a truly awful reworking for a film that didn’t need it. Did we forget “Havana Nights” already? ABC goes for an over two and a half hour remake that is just about as listless and ridiculous as you can imagine. For some reason the writers thought it’d be a good idea to add a story frame for the actual story that ensues between Baby and Johnny.

Then there’s a verbatim remake of the original, a goofy melodrama about Baby coming of age, and a musical that stages a bunch of forgettable tunes. Not to mention a relationship drama about Baby’s parents experiencing a crossroads in their marriage. Lest we forget an interracial romance with Baby’s sister falling in love with an African American singer for the country resort, and the steamy torrid love affair between Johnny and a local middle aged resort guest (as played by Katey Segal).

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Spaceballs (1987)

It makes me laugh quite a lot that modern Hollywood are planning to spoof “Star Wars” when Mel Brooks pretty much supplied the definitive “Star Wars” spoof thirty years ago. You can argue maybe there’s more to offer, but no, Mel Brooks did it first and best. He mocked the characters, he mocked the plot holes, and he even mocked the rampant consumerism that George Lucas partook in when “Star Wars” became a cash cow. “Spaceballs” involves the evil President Skroob kidnaps Vespa during an arranged marriage, in an effort to steal planet Druidia’s fresh air. The evil Lord Dark Helmet is assigned to complete the task of sucking Druidia’s air, and hires Lonestarr and his pal “Barft” (The mog, a half man and half dog) to find Princess Vespa when she escapes the arranged marriage.

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Dear White People (2014)

It’s daunting how predictable we’ve become when it comes to discourse about race relations and politics. In response to 2014’s “Dear White People” becoming a series, an angry user on Twitter asked “Why is there no “Dear Black People”?” In the very first scenes of the movie, while Samantha White is recording her college radio show “Dear White People,” character Kurt calls in asking “Where is there no “Dear Black People”?” Justin Simien’s “Dear White People” plays with perceptions of events, and ideas of chaos, by toying with our frustration with the normality of racial incidents, and stages a racial war that unfolds within the seemingly monotonous underbelly of Winchester College.

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Stake Land II (2016) [Blu-Ray]

Once called “Stake Lander,” the follow up to the fantastic 2011 apocalyptic vampire film may be just a TV movie, but it’s thankfully a pretty excellent follow up to the original vampire thriller. “Stake Land 2” reunites just about everyone from the original film to extend the mythology of the original film and continue the epic journey of the enigmatic Mister and his young sidekick Martin. Except now, Martin is an experienced apocalyptic hunter who has managed to settle in to a life he loves, even in the midst of the end of the world. Despite Mister venturing out on his own, Martin has established a farm as well as married and had a son.

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Love The Original Way (2016)

I really like what writer Keldamuzik and director Hassan Leo bring to the table in the realm of romance comedies. “Love the Original Way” is a short film with big screen potential that deals in ideas about romance and how tough it can for a recovering alcoholic. While the film itself is steeped in the classic tropes of the romance comedy, it also charms with a relatable protagonist named Sissy, who is trying to find a way to navigate love and life without the crutch of alcohol.

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Streets of Fire (1984): Collector’s Edition [Blu-Ray]

After years of just being available on DVD and Blu-Ray in other countries and regions, Shout Factory comes to the rescue to deliver fans a deluxe edition of one of the most underrated action films ever made. Something of a spiritual sequel to Walter Hill’s “The Warriors,” director Hill sets his latest gang land picture in an undisclosed period between the 20’s and 40’s in what is apparently New York. Sadly, Hill intended the film to be the first of a trilogy, but while we never got that wish, “Streets of Fire” still manages to be a single adventure rich in character and pulp appeal. Starring the incredible beautiful Diane Lane, and the fantastic Michael Pare, “Streets of Fire” is a rock and roll musical, romance, gangster, action, adventure. It has everything for mostly everyone and it gets better with every viewing.

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