The director of the great short fantasy thriller “The Empty Acre” takes a more routine approach, but one that’s mired in the devices of karma tales like “The Twilight Zone” and “Creepshow.” In fact, with a larger format, and further extrapolation, I could definitely see “Now That You’re Dead” as a part of a great “Creepshow” sequel. Because when all was said and done, this reminded me of that short segment from “Creepshow 3” with the murderous hooker and her vampire client… except this isn’t a piece of steaming crap on a hot tar road.
Tag Archives: Supernatural
The Dark (1979)
Fortunate for me that I was born from parents who bought literally every VHS movie they could get their hands on in the heyday of the eighties. Fortunate for me that I was born from a woman who loves every horror movie ever made, and continues to love every horror movie ever made. Which is where my meeting with “The Dark” enters. Available on DVD and still pretty rare, “The Dark” is one of the most confusing hybrids of blaxploitation, science fiction, and horror I’ve ever seen with ambiguous plot devices, horrific performances, and the odd association with Dick Clark. Watching this on the same grainy discount VHS from Media Home Entertainment I first viewed it on fourteen years ago, “The Dark” has lost plenty of the oompf and suspense I remember it holding.
Hack/Slash & Suicide Girls: Murder Suicide
“You should not dis internet boobies, yes?” – Vlad
Cassie Hack and the Suicide Girls go together like mud and naked women wrestling. It’s a perfect fit. Tim Seely’s quasi-Gothic angst ridden monster hunter has finally come across the group of Suicide Girls, alternative, punk rock web models who are absolutely beautiful and popular among enthusiasts of tasteful erotica. This cross promotional stint has been rather entertaining and “Murder Suicide” is no exception. At thirty seven pages, “Murder Suicide” is the right balance of comedy, horror, and memorable innovation that has made me a big fan of this franchise since it started.
Hack/Slash: The Series #13
Okay, when the hell did Cassie Hack become Clint Eastwood?
I’m all for Cassie kicking ass and taking names, but “Hack/Slash #13” is very self aware to the point where Cassie and Vlad aren’t even themselves. There’s no vulnerability in Cassie, no sense that she’s a plumber doing a job. She’s spouting wise cracks and one liners everywhere, and hurling some of the cheesiest trash talk I’ve ever read. And Vlad is almost too intelligent for his own good. Where is the Vlad who talks like Bizarro? Why is Vlad suddenly Sherlock Holmes while Cassie plays second fiddle? Why is Cassie becoming an action movie star?
One Missed Call (2008) (DVD)
It’s attack of the murderous Razr’s: the remake, in what is easily one of the worst horror movies of 2008, one of the worst movies of 2008, and one of the worst remakes of all time. And that’s not hyperbole, suckers. The remake of the 2003 Takashe Miike horror film stars a veritable cast of B listers dragging us through the doldrums of bland performances, limp tension, and a series of jump scares that go to ridiculous lengths to keep audiences awake; how else to explain a shock from a deafening asthma inhaler, and a falling marionette puppet?
Wrestlemaniac (El Mascarado Massacre) (2006)
In a nutshell “Wrestlemaniac” hurts so good. It’s a stupid, moronic, and outright cheesy slasher flick and yet… I liked it. Believe it or not, “Wrestlemaniac” has every opportunity to fall on its face. It’s a little over an hour in length, it has this obnoxious yellow tint, and has some terrible acting, but the first ten minutes really do sell us on the intentions of it being nothing more than a tongue in cheek horror farce. I mean, when the primary monster is a psychotic luchador, you have to make the compromise and loosen your strings a bit, folks.
White Noise 2: The Light (2007) (DVD)
I always say that if you’re going to derive from another better and well established concept, you’d better sure as hell do it well. Or do it to the point well it feels unique. The sequel to “White Noise” is a bonafide take on my favorite “Twilight Zone” episode of all time, “The Purple Testament.” Except this time it’s updated to a man who has a Near Death Experience after attempting suicide. When he returns from the dead, he can see white auras around people who are about to die. As well he can also hear EVP’s, and see transmissions of the dead on televisions, and he’s really about to experience something he never thought was possible. “White Noise 2” is by all accounts a superior film to the original, and that’s odd considering the original had so much potential, while this sequel had the odds stacked against it.