“Transformers” has the distinction of being the first Michael Bay movie I’ve ever really looked forward to, and awaited information on, ever. Which is saying a lot considering Michael Bay is universally a terrible director who can’t create an entertaining movie to save his life. But setting aside I got over the Transformers hype a month before the release date, “Transformers” is a movie I expected to fail, and in actuality was proven wrong. As someone born in the early eighties, I caught onto the Transformers craze at the end, and grew fond of the robots in disguise, I have to say. To this day, being an animation buff and comic geek, I still have a tender spot for the robotic warriors, and felt a sense of anticipation and excitement brush over me as the film started. “Transformers” leaves nothing to the imagination.
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The Transformers: The Movie (1986)
“You, who knows not of mercy, now plead for it?” – Optimus Prime
This is the real Transformers movie, the one that helped the craze, a clever toy campaign that evolved into an excellent film, and an average series from Marvel Comics. To many, the film is only good on a kitschy level, but the film still manages to pack a punch as one of the few variations of the mythos that’s pretty violent in its ways. Characters die, robots destroy one another, and there’s a pretty complex plot to it. This film was introduced to me as a child way back before DVD’s ever entered the scene, and it’s still a film that’s rather entertaining and filled with thrills in spite of the animated format. “The Transformers” is not just all about nostalgia.
Transmorphers (2007)
A zebra can’t change its stripes, and in spite of the rumblings from the movie world, the Asylum will not stop making rip offs of bigger movies, because money talks and it also has no dignity or artistic merit. So, I’ve come to terms with the Asylum’s ridiculous practices, and set my sights on bigger fish with more importance in the film world, than some company making low budget rehashes with similar titles. “Transmorphers” was a pathetic concept the first I heard of it, because—well, look at the title. What robot movie does the title hearken to? Regardless, I approached this new effort with optimism because the cover art is just great; whoever works at the art department should be commended for constantly adding appeal to the turds the studio trots out to stores, and hell, the cover for “Transmorphers” is just beautiful.
Three…Extremes (Saam gaang yi) (2004)
I can’t tell you how long it’s been since we’ve had a great anthology horror film. It’s been a while, because I really can’t remember the last great anthology film we were given in theaters or home video, but “Three… Extremes” is a surefire breath of fresh air for the horror genre, and one that thankfully did not go unappreciated. I’ve waited a long time to finally see this film, and apparently the wait was utterly worth it, in the end. Take three excellent Asian directors, and let them go hog wild on-screen with rarely a step back into discretion. Fuck “Masters of Horror,” these three directors take you to school. In these three incredibly directed tales, we’re taken through the ringer of the three extremes of humanity.
Trouble with Men and Women (2003)
Okay, so last month, I finally saw “London.” I mean, I’d heard from folks that it was an awful and grueling movie to sit through, but sometimes you just have to experience it. There’s something in us that, even though we’re told being stung by a bee hurts, inspires us to seek out that bee and have that experience. It was the same thing with “London.” People were talking endlessly about this film that was utterly awful, and yet I sought it out. And it still stings. Suffice it to say, “London” was an awful and dreadful relationship drama that sought out to be such an edgy glance at romance between two fuck-ups.
Thriller: A Cruel Picture (1973)
Allegedly one of the many influences for Quentin Tarantino’s “Kill Bill” series, “Thriller” or “They Called her One Eye” is an awfully uneasy and chilling bit of savagery involving one of the primary themes for grind house cinema: Victimizing. Like many before and after it, we watch a simple girl terrorized by corrupt and violent forces that drive her to the brink of violence and revenge in a hail of blood and bullets. Sure, thanks to many of its fans, “Thriller” is hardly a rare movie anymore, nor are reviews of it hard to come by, but where else will you find my own wry commentary?
TMNT (2007)
Michelangelo: I have nightmares about birthday parties…
I’ll happily admit this again and again, “TMNT” was one of my most anticipated movies of 2007. Because whether I say it or not, the Ninja Turtles were just a big part of my youth. And they’re a franchise I consistently trail back to and enjoy. I loved the original movie, loved the animated series and hell, I even dug the 2003 animated series. Remember that period when they were a rock band? I digress. This franchise is not without its hitches, as every franchise is, but “TMNT” was a step in the right direction. Computer animation, great cast, and bringing the turtles back to the dark without abandoning their major audience. I’m assuming you know the story of the turtles by now, so I’ll segue into the review.