Friday the 13th: Jason vs. Jason X

My original thought was how the hell they’d explain Jason Voorhees fighting uber-Jason from Jason X. And the writers do a piss poor job of it. Maybe there are two realities in the future in where the space scavengers form a time rift? Who knows? What we learn is that Uber-Jason is not really Jason, but the head of Jason with a body compiled of nanobots, and robotic parts. He is kind of a pseudo-Jason, to be exact.

We learn in the two part mini-series that he’s convinced he’s Jason and is trying to re-claim the psyche of the original Jason to complete his memory and continue his mission to murder everyone and anyone who steps foot in Camp Crystal Lake. So Jason belonged to Earth Prime, which is now a wasteland, and the space crew from “Jason X” froze and destroyed Jason from Earth 2. That Jason was re-invented as a science fiction monster known as Uber-Jason. They then went to Earth Prime to capture Jason again, and learn from his regenerative tissues. That failed. Duh.

And now Jason is thawed and lurking on the abandoned ship. We now have two Jasons. So does that mean we have two Freddy Kruegers and two Pinheads and two Leprechauns? In either case, taking off from the “Jason X” special, the characters from Earth Prime that survive their confrontation with Jason end up on the party ship where Uber-Jason is, and as one female pilot attempts to flee, she ends up caught in between the battle of Jason and Uber-Jason for complete dominance.

As with the usual slasher fare, there are no characters we can root for, but this comic takes it to a whole other level. There are literally no interesting heroes or heroines here, and it’s mainly just pages of slaughtering hapless victims. The fight between uber-Jason and Jason also doesn’t warrant much sense, especially considering the Jason the writers chose to go with, in the end. Uber-Jason kills Jason, and puts his brain in to his own head to garner the crown of Jason Prime. So then what? Is Uber-Jason the primary design now? It’s all so unsatisfying, in the end.

Jason X Special [Avatar Press]

When Uber-Jason crash landed in to Earth in the end of “Jason X,” it turned out to be another virtual reality. In an effort to grab a part of his regenerative tissue to learn about his healing properties, a young scientist is able to snare and trap him. Since that doesn’t last long, things get worse when Uber-Jason’s psyche re-invents the memories of his mother as a computer system who begins controlling Jason’s thoughts and commands.

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Labyrinth (1986)

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Director Jim Henson’s “Labyrinth” is one of the many epic fantasy films of the eighties indirectly influenced by George Lucas’ “Star Wars,” and while it never aspires to be anything more than a standalone tale, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t possess epic potential from beginning to end. Director Henson unfolds a very unique and entertaining tale of a young girl who learns how to grow as a person through a menacing adventure through a massive labyrinth. Much in the realm of “Alice in Wonderland,” or “Wizard of Oz,” young Sarah finds herself confronting many monsters and menaces, and becomes a hero in the end.

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Oz the Great and Powerful (2013)

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It’s pretty sad that at the end of the day, director Sam Raimi had to waste his talents on what is basically a regurgitation of the classic “Wizard of Oz” 1939 film adaptation. He doesn’t even get to think outside the box and offer up his own vision of Oz. Basically, “Oz the Great and Powerful” is yet another version of the movie, but in the view of the all powerful Wizard. The Wizard of Oz is one of cinema’s great macguffins, a big goal the characters work for in the 1939 movie, that they find out was nothing but smoke and mirrors.

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Toy Story of Terror! (2013)

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Disney keep their favorite little toys alive with yet another short adventure, this time in the vein of Halloween. While, it’s not a full length narrative, it does present the same stakes and personal back story that the three feature films have, and is an entertaining look in to the lives of the toys with their new owner Bonnie. After watching a horror movie while on the road with Bonnie, her mom and she stop at a local motel where Mr. Pricklepants is convinced horror awaits them.

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The Halloween Stories Collection Volume 2 (DVD)

For families interested in exposing their young storytellers to unique and interesting scary stories that won’t traumatize them, Scholastic offers up a three pack of DVD’s at over two hours in length featuring stories of all kinds. They’re related mainly to the season of fall and bones, but they’re also about exploring the unknown and the vast scary dimensions of reality that can seem scary to children quite often. With voice work from esteemed actors like Joan Allen and Rita Moreno, many of the stories are sometimes crudely drawn, but appealing nonetheless in their whimsy.

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The Children (2008)

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As much as I wanted to love Thomas Shankland’s horror film “The Children,” it’s yet another genre entry that’s all build and no bang. In fact the first hour of the whole film is nothing but build-up and off screen chaos, and there’s almost no pay off to anything that occurs. Whenever Shankland has a chance to blast the audience with carnage and havoc, it’s all so abruptly ended. You assume a movie about a mysterious chemical that turns children in to rotten maniacs merciless in their pursuit to murder adults would be straight forward and frantic. In reality it’s very slow, and there’s nothing straight forward about anything here.

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