I don’t know if I’d called Maxim Van Scoy, and Christopher Phelps’s “Lake Nowhere” a masterpiece, but I have to say that the more it unfolded, I appreciated its enthusiasm more than anything. It wants to deliver a genuinely retro horror experience, and by god it succeeds most of the time. I’m not completely bowled over, though, as “Lake Nowhere” is really only fifty minutes in length. Five of those minutes are devoted to some faux horror movie trailers you’d find in front of a cheap horror VHS.
Category Archives: Movie Reviews
Videodrome (1983)
David Cronenberg’s cinematic commentary on the power of media and how the media eventually controls you in ways you’re never quite cognizant of still rings true today. Even though “Videodrome” was more aimed toward the idea of television and our fascination with violence and human misery, Cronenberg’s thriller is still incredibly volatile in an age where humanity does nothing but stare at glowing screens zipping through a ton of data that eventually begin to depict how we live our lives. James Woods plays Max Renn, the owner of a porn television station who also has a penchant for sadism during sex. When he’s introduced to a television frequency called “Videodrome,” he begins to form a fascination with the footage of people being tortured, victimized, and raped.
The Shallows (2016) [Blu-Ray/Digital]
Sony and everyone else are probably going to compare “The Shallows” to Steven Spielberg’s “Jaws” but oddly enough “The Shallows” is nothing compared to it. In the end after all is said and done, Jaume Collet-Serra’s “The Shallows” is a fairly simple and very tense survival thriller in the vein of “Open Water” and “127 Hours.” Rather than someone stuck in a rock crevice with their arm wedged between rocks, we follow a young surfer whose leg is wounded and is stranded on a rock looking out on to land. She can easily try to swim back to shore, but the predator she’s face, a man eating shark, is so much faster and swifter than she can ever hope to be. Jaume Collet-Serra has really come up in the film world as a director who offers up tense and exciting films. “The Shallows” is very much in his wheelhouse as a film that’s action packed and knuckle biting, also sneaking in contemplative undertones about life and grief.
Tower of Terror (1997)
Director D.J. McHale manages to take what is a very simple but iconic ride for Disney World and transform it in to a pretty engrossing and charming supernatural thriller. “Tower of Terror,” now being remade in to a bigger budget Hollywood film, is one of the very few adaptations from Disney that not too many people are aware of. It precedes “Pirates of the Caribbean” and adds a neat mythology to the ride overall. “Tower of Terror” (sans the “Twilight Zone” connection) is something like “The Shining” except filled with a much sweeter tale about jealousy, grief, and a gross misunderstanding. Steve Guttenberg plays tabloid photographer Buzzy, a once prominent journalist now reduced to taking pictures for goofy supermarket papers. Alongside his loyal niece Anna (a teenaged Kirsten Dunst), the pair begin investigating the dreaded Hollywood Towers.
My Stepmother is an Alien (1988)
Richard Benjamin’s movie is one without an audience. It’s too adult for kids, and too childish for the adult crowds. It tries very hard to pass itself off as a latter day “Splash” with aliens in place of mermaids, but the problem is Dan Akroyd was never really Tom Hanks, and the writers push the child element on the film so much, “My Stepmother is an Alien” ceases to become an out of this world romance comedy. It’s instead more about accepting your parents have to move on, with the central character being a very young Alyson Hanigan rather than, oh, the adults. Kim Basinger plays an alien named Celeste, from a seemingly big planet of hot aliens who comes to Earth to study an unnatural occurrence on her planet.
The Haunted Mansion (2003)
It is a shame that “The Haunted Mansion” has the Eddie Murphy taint all over it. I think there’s a good movie to be made about “The Haunted Mansion” and it doesn’t involve the same old Eddie Murphy tropes we’ve seen in the past fifteen years. Eddie Murphy is once again a dopey work a day man who babbles to himself, and is so self involved he can’t notice his family is right in front of him. It’s the same goofy plot points that count as conflict in Eddie Murphy movies these days. Murphy is one note yet again as workaholic dad Jim Evers, a dopey real estate agent impossibly married to a beautiful woman who is, as always, put upon and ever patient toward his priorities of choosing work over family. When Jim’s wife Sara is called to an old mansion to oversee the property, Jim tags along hoping to garner a sale.
The Crooked Man (2016)
It’s shocking how well Jesse Holland’s horror film “The Crooked Man” plays, because Syfy original movies are rarely ever as entertaining as this. “The Crooked Man” is part “Lights Out,” and part “It Follows” with a dash of Creepypasta. When she was twelve, Olivia was at a slumber party and was encouraged by her friends to visit a creepy website where if a nursery rhyme about the dreaded crooked man was read aloud, he’d be invoked. Despite their initial disbelief, Olivia witnesses her friend be viciously murdered by the horrific crooked man and is blamed for her death. Six years later when Olivia comes back in to her home town, she realizes that she’s not entirely welcomed there. What’s worse is that the people that were there that night are being viciously murdered by the horrific Crooked Man, who has a bone to pick with the witnesses that night.