You Got Served (2004)

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Well, it’s safe to say, that at no point in this review will you see the word “good” describing this movie, unless you see the sentence “Good god, what a piece of crap”, or “Good god, why?!” “You Got Served” tries to capitalize off of break dancing and free styling, while attempting to create its own moneymaking properties and crazes, case in point, the phrase “You Got Served.” What this film’s main problem is that everything about it is feels so artificial. It feels like an hour and forty minute infomercial for two really crappy music bands whose fifteen minutes ended years ago. Not even the mindless marketing tools MTV could fuel a film that had nothing to go by except a lot of flash and dash and no brains. It seems like casting agents just took a lot of the actors from the WB network and dropped them into the film and made it feel like it’s trying to get across that these characters are really from the ghetto.

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Walking Tall (2004)

Chris Vaughn is an ex military veteran who has just returned to his home town. Back after eight years, he suddenly gets a crash course in learning the fact that you can never go home again, and now he walks tall and carries a big stick. Dwayne Johnson jumps into the seat of action hero yet again this time around, first with the crappy “Scorpion King”, the next with the wicked “The Rundown” and now with this very good action ride known as “Walking Tall”. A remake of the cult classic “Walking Tall”, and based on the true story of the utterly heroic feats of sheriff Buford Pusser, a man who was elected to sheriff after promising to clean up crime, and did so, taking down big time crime syndicates and corruption in his hometown of Tennessee with his giant wooden club.

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The Life and Death of Peter Sellers (2004)

LifeandDeath2It was a known fact that Peter Sellers thought very little of his own self. He had a love-hate relationship with his own persona as a man who both hated and thought very highly of himself and such is shown in the new and first biographical picture of Peter Sellers, the genius behind films like “Dr. Strangelove” and the “Pink Panther” films, a man who was revered as a comedy genius during life and after his death. What is suggested here is that he was such a miserable man and such a mama’s boy, that he could never find true happiness with a woman in his life, regardless of who it was and what happiness they offered him as is shown by his countless wives including his first Anne (Good performance from Emily Watson), to his unsuccessful romancing of Sophia Loren (The gorgeous Sonia Aquino).

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Torque (2004)

torqueWhy anyone would want to rip off “The Matrix” is understandable; it was a very influential movie that paved the way for a lot of really bad, and mediocre rip-offs to come for years that I would inevitably have to suffer through, but why anyone would want to rip-off “The Fast and the Furious”, a mediocre action popcorn flick fueled (no pun intended) only by Vin Diesel’s pecks and some good effects is a stunner. Like many have said, dumb studio execs tend to confuse high grosses with film quality and what “The Fast and the Furious” had was not quality. Charisma? Yes. Good effects? Granted. But quality? I’m afraid not, my friend, so why do we have to suffer through these horrible rip-offs? Directed by Joseph Kahn, who is, surprise, surprise, a music video director, composes one really bad B movie that isn’t even worthy of being called a B movie because it’s so blatantly a really long drawn out music video sans the music ad nauseum.

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Love Actually (2003)

C5Love. It’s a beautiful feeling. And it’s the worst pain one can experience. But “Love Actually” is a celebration of both sides of love. Longing, happy marriages, and crushes, and oh so much more. Deep down it’s a dedication to the people of 9/11, as the introduction declares, and it’s plenty resonant in the all-star tribute with a humongous cast of talented actors from Liam Neeson to Colin Firth right down to Martin Freeman, Elisha Cuthbert, and Billy Bob Thorton. In this episodic Capra-esque fairytale, we meet a large group of people experiencing life and love in all ends of the terminology. There are really too many sub-plots to mention, but I’ll try.

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I, Robot (2004)

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“I, Robot” is very, very loosely based on Asimov’s concept and stories, and, as much as I wanted to, I didn’t hate it. As a matter of fact, I had a real blast. The first point this had up for it was the fact it was directed Alex Proyas, Proyas is the director of two of my favorite films of the past fifteen years, the first one being the imaginative and beautifully morbid film “Dark City”, and one of my favorite films of all time “The Crow” a marvelous ode to the legacy of Brandon Lee, one of my film icons. Proyas is one great underrated director and he puts his skills to work in this wild and fun but still thought-provoking film. Will Smith plays Dell Spooner, an officer for the now futuristic Chicago who despises robots. The problem with his hatred for them is that they’re everywhere now under servitude as tools for humans like a utensil.

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Ali G Indahouse

“Ali G Indahouse” is a lot like that funny joke you told someone, and you kept telling it to people; and the more you told it, the less funny it got. That’s the sad thing here that Sasha Baron Cohen should have learned; sometimes you just can’t take a funny character and extend it into an hour and a half film because it’s very hard to muster up enough material for a large amount of time. It’s not that “Ali G Indahouse” is bad—well it’s bad—but it’s also unfunny, very unfunny. Not once did I laugh, not even with Martin Freeman from “The Office” co-starring, not once did I chuckle or guffaw, seriously this was so damn stupid and painfully obvious in its jokes.

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